Come cringe with me......I made a complete fuckwit of myself earlier this week and the cringing won't disipate

[Triooooooooooo]

Picture the scene, important meeting regarding my childerbeast, im prattling on about a trip we have coming up and how I'll be getting some work done when I came out with this corker.......

'Ooohhh, I've been having a right mare getting my damp patch sorted, can't get anyone to even look at it'

Deathly silence.

Looks up, 1 lady doing the silent laughing thing, second lady openly hooting., poor bloke in corner like this eventually turning into an unsure snort.

Eventually was broken by a screeched, 'eee, you do have a way with words Trio.'.

Im still when the very feck will I learn to think before I speak ??!

Oh my! that gave me a right laugh when I needed it tonight! You really do Have a way with words, Trio! Best to have a and laugh it off!

Why are you cringing? The retort to that is 'well we know what kind of minds you lot have don't we?!' With an eye roll.

Well this'll cheer you up then OP...

I did a weekly shop in Morrison's this afternoon and at the checkout, I was desperately trying to cram the shopping into my granny trolley.

As I crammed a six pack of mineral water in, I heard a bursting sound and and my hand was soaking wet.

In my panic I loudly declared, "Oh fuck! My waters have broken!"

Took me a while to realise why so many staff and helpful members of the public rushed towards me

I can beat that. Out with DS yesterday, he has just turned 4, in the toilets he loudly asks "mummy you don't have a pee pee do you? You just have lots and lots of hair instead". I could hear the contained laughter from 5 cubicles away.

Booking an appointment with a beauty therapist for a wax has just jumped to the top of the priority list....

It's not that embarrassing is it? It's s bit funny but your colleagues sound very childish tbh. I might have laughed a lot at that when I was a teenager.

Seriously, still cringing days later?! It was a weak double entendre, hardly hysterical or mortifying.

To add though, when I was pregnant with DD I returned to work after a short break at Easter, during which time my bump had got huge. A colleague asked me if I was pregnant, and I jokily answered 'I just had a very busy easter', he raised an eyebrow and said I bet you did.....I meant to imply I was fat through eating too many Easter eggs but my wording went awry somewhere!

Oh op, you've made the rookie mistake of not putting the dreaded 'lighthearted' in your title. Cue 63256262 dreadfully earnest, more highbrow than thou posters not understanding what was so funny!.. Pretending they don't understand childerbeast etc etc.

I found it amusing, I bet you lightened up a boring day for them.

I didn't need a 'lighthearted', it just genuinely wasn't funny. Or 'cringeworthy'.

FWIW, I have no idea what a childerbeast is.

Maybe it was one of those times you had to be there.....

Am a bit confused as have regularly been talking to the builder and an architect about "my" damp patch in the kitchen which none of us seem to find remotely funny. Am worried that we are lacking senses of humour

My first thought was a damp patch in the cellar or such like. I'd have felt a right twat not knowing what my classmates were laughing at.

I googled childerbeast and it's something to do with the hairy bikers?? Perhaps if the op had put lighthearted in the title this would somehow become clear

Look.......the OP said she was "cringing" ie embarrassed so all other posters have done is say they don't think there is a need to be.....

worra and poppy

Who was the meeting about your child with? I used to go to a Slimming World group where the people were like that. "If you want to add fruit to the pudding if you are feeling fruity." Giggle giggle.

God the poor op. How to make someone feel small.

I think people were trying to reassure the op that her colleagues were dicks, rather than trying to make the op feel small.

you can't infer that childerbeast is child? really? or google? or use urban dictionary?

What a bunch of miseries, if you're not amused by the OP why not jusT move on to another thread?

Sigh. It's a play on words, a cross between "children" and "wildebeest" (which is itself pronounced "will-de-beast", not "wild-e-beast").

As in, slightly feral children who belong in a zoo.

Wonder if these posters when told an innocuous tale they don't personally find funny IRL sit there stony faced. I imagine they'd make awkward company.

I blush like a tomato when i'm embarrassed OP so feel your pain! Still cringing about daft things i've said years ago.