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AIBU?

To not want to give this child a lift to school

150 replies

Beachday · 15/05/2015 22:33

I've had one conversation with the mum
Say hello to the dad every morning

She's asked me to take their child to school 2 days as a favour.
I don't know the child, neither does ds, they're not in the same year.
I get really anxious and worked up about being late or letting people down.
I will be stressy with my ds to get out on time.
My husband died and I'm a bit up and down emotionally.

It's 2 mornings fgs, how hard can it be?
They seem like nice people

OP posts:

Report

Pepperpot99 · 16/05/2015 07:57

I agree with straycatblue - it is massively manipulative to drop a note which offers condolences and asks you to put yourself out for them at the same time - they should be looking to help you out if they are truly wishing to be supportive.
I would not even respond to the note - your silence will eventually provide them with their answer and if they do ask again, just say "I'm sorry I am too overwhelmed with grief to do other people favours right now" and leave it at that.
Cheeky buggers

VelvetRose · 16/05/2015 08:21

I agree with pepperpot. It's such an imposition in the circumstances. So sorry for your loss op

Beachday · 16/05/2015 09:39

Thank you all

I'm not sure anyone really understands.
I think they see me taking ds to school and chatting and smiling and think everything is fine.
Its called putting on a brave face.

OP posts:

worksallhours · 16/05/2015 10:00

Like straycat, I am pretty flabbergasted by this.

There's so many levels of wrong with it. 1) She doesn't know you, yet asks you to take her child to school. 2) She asks you to take her child to school in a note. 3) She asks you to take her child to school in a note that also expresses condolences for your loss, yet she doesn't know you.

What planet does this woman live on?

GERTI · 16/05/2015 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/05/2015 11:45

WTAF, redhelen?

The OP's husband has died; I can't think of a single thing she could do right now that could be called unreasonable.

MrsTedCrilly · 16/05/2015 12:01

Sorry fo your loss Beachday I think it's very strange to ask, I can't imagine ever putting that on someone. However I would do it this once but if she asks again I would refuse and stop it becoming a regular thing.

FannyFifer · 16/05/2015 12:14

What a brass neck.
Just say no that doesn't work for me if they speak to you in person about it otherwise I wouldn't respond at all.

Who the fuck thinks that's in any way acceptable.

So sorry for your loss. X

formerbabe · 16/05/2015 12:19

Would two mornings of stress and getting up extra early actually be worth it in exchange for building links with a family that might be able to help you out in return at some point? Or even a new friend?

Who would want to be friends with people like that? People should be falling over themselves to help the op. A nicer thing to do would to have dropped the op a note saying "so sorry to hear about your husband, if we can ever help you out, please let us know"...instead of asking her for favours. Fuck them.

Op...so sorry for your loss

PuppyMonkey · 16/05/2015 12:22

I don't think I'd even reply to the note tbh.

I know it's only two days - but that's precisely it. I'm sure she could find someone else to do this for just two days. Why you?

Sorry for you loss. Stop thinking about this and try and look after yourself.

RedHelenB · 16/05/2015 12:31

Where does she say recently? Maybe the neighbour didn't know if it wasn't very recent? Anyway, OP's decision but on the face of it I don't think it would be anywhere near as bad as she fears.

Mermaidhair · 16/05/2015 12:35

Redhelen

Beachday · 16/05/2015 12:43

Redhelen, she included her condolences on the note. That would suggest it's recent.

I wasn't actually asking aibu not to take this kid to school because my husband died.
I mentioned my husband because I'm very up and down emotionally and that contributes to my anxiety about the whole situation.

OP posts:

CoffeeBeanie · 16/05/2015 12:49

They are users, beachday, I'd stay far away from them.

It's so inconsiderate that I have no words for such a behaviour.

Look after yourself and don't let anyone add to your stress. They should be ashamed of themselves.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/05/2015 12:53

The other parent sent her condolences with the request for a lift for her child, redhelen.

RTFT.

RedHelenB · 16/05/2015 12:54

Sorry, it didn't say on your OP that the asker knew about your husband.

Having been in a similar situation as you I just think you may feel better for facing your demons that's all xx

SuburbanRhonda · 16/05/2015 12:58

The OP didn't ask for advice about how to deal with her bereavement, redhelen.

I'd quit digging if I were you.

Bogeyface · 16/05/2015 13:04

"Sorry for your loss, please take my kid to school"?!

For that alone they deserve a no!

I'd be tempted to reply
"Thank you for your condolences, and yes there is something you could do for me. Stop asking an emotionally vulnerable and recently bereaved family for favours. Please find attached a list of local childminders"

Idontknowhowtohelpher · 16/05/2015 13:05

Is it possible that the request was made by note deliberately so as NOT to put you on the spot? You have had the chance to think about it and phrase your reply, which you wouldn't have if she had spoken to you directly. Just a thought (though I wouldn't have asked you!)

AgathaChristie01 · 16/05/2015 13:08

I'm very sorry for your loss . I don't think I would even bother replying, it's very hard hearted to express condolences while looking for a favour from someone recently bereaved. I sometimes wonder how some people's minds work.
Take care of yourself and your DS, it's a very tough time.

GERTI · 16/05/2015 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 16/05/2015 14:42

She sent a condolence note which included a request to take her child to school? That's appalling! The woman clearly has no tact whatsoever, or is just really horribly selfish.

Just say no!

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Beachday · 16/05/2015 14:49

It's not really like it's something I need to do to help me through this bereavement.
I've done lots of independent things, I'm doing fine.
What I don't need is worrying about getting another child to school on time.
Not a big thing in the grand scheme of things, but even the thought of it stresses me out.
I can't really expect anyone to understand that.

OP posts:

Beachday · 16/05/2015 14:50

Stack lady- more a note asking me to take her child to school and btw we are sorry for your loss, and if there's anything we can do please let us know.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 16/05/2015 16:24

I can't really expect anyone to understand that.

why not? Everyone on this thread bar one understood that. Its not your issue, its your neighbours issue, you are not being even in the slightest bit unreasonable. Unfortunately you just seem to have run into a selfish thoughtless arsehole who doesnt seem to get that there are some things that you just dont do, and asking favours of a recently bereaved family is one of them!

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