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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do cakes for cake sale (trigger)

29 replies

SEsofty · 14/05/2015 15:01

Yesterday I suffered a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks. Tomorrow is my child's school cake sale.

I am just about keeping it together, cooking dinner, school run etc. But I can't face baking cakes or going to supermarket.

I am letting my child down or am I putting too much pressure on myself

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 14/05/2015 15:04

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Could someone else help with the cakes?

But no, a cake sale is not important.

CaptainAnkles · 14/05/2015 15:04

I think that you have good reason not to join in this time. Nobody will be angry with you, and you're not letting anybody down, it's a voluntary thing to send in cakes. I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks

ShatnersBassoon · 14/05/2015 15:04

Of course not. Buy some cakes from the stall if you feel like it, or send some money for your daughter to choose something.

Take care x

Caillou · 14/05/2015 15:06

Don't worry about it, look after yourself right now, that's the most important thing

minouwasminou · 14/05/2015 15:07

Oof, OP, please put this to the back of your mind. You're not letting anyone down.

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself this weekend.

littlejohnnydory · 14/05/2015 15:17

Nope, you're not letting anybody down. I doubt anybody would expect you to do the cake sale.

Original poster
SEsofty · 14/05/2015 15:20

Thank you all. I haven't told anyone about the mc, just being very stiff upper lip about it

OP posts:
GloGirl · 14/05/2015 15:21

What a terrible loss Sad

Curl up, rest, don'tworry about a poxy bake sale. There will be many others to contribute too.

Throw your DC an extra pound to spend if you are feeling a bit guilty.

306235388 · 14/05/2015 15:22

I'm so sorry.

Of course you aren't letting anyone down. Cake sale is nothing. And I say that as member of the mafia PTA

emotionsecho · 14/05/2015 15:23

Making cakes for a cake sale is not compulsory nor in the grand scheme of things very important whereas looking after yourself is.

Sorry to hear your sad news. Flowers

crumblybiscuits · 14/05/2015 15:23

I lost my daughter at 16 weeks a fortnight ago and I have barely managed to keep the house tidy let alone bake cakes. You are definitely not letting your child down. Try to be kind to yourself right now, you are doing your best x

tabulahrasa · 14/05/2015 15:28

I've never made cakes for a cake sale - because I'm a truly horrendous baker.

It doesn't matter at all, you're not letting your child down.

Take it as easy as you can and give your DC money for cakes, it's fine, it really is.

Hassled · 14/05/2015 15:30

Oh sod the cakes - just take care of yourself. I'm very sorry.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 14/05/2015 15:33

Sorry about your news. I once couldn't make cakes for an entirely different but good reason. I put a £5 note in an envelope, sent it in with a note just saying that I couldn't bake this time but here was a donation. Job done.

Although I think it's only a few mums who do actually bake usually. Someone else's turn tomorrow, then.

Look after yourself gently.

Trooperslane · 14/05/2015 15:33

Don't do it. I lost my baby at 14 weeks in April and I'm nowhere near ready for work or anything that requires thought.

like what to have for lunch

So sorry x

NRomanoff · 14/05/2015 15:35

I am so sorry. FWIW I don't always do the bake sales at school. I might have forgotten or sometimes I am too busy and I can't be arsed. The last one had so many cakes they sold them for 3 days then sent the rest home. One mother made 240 buns, there is only 220 pupils in the whole school, including nursery. So if i am struggling, I don't kill myself to do it.

You are absolutely not letting anyone down. The cake sale will be fine. Just take care of yourself and don't put yourself under to much pressure over a few buns.

RupertsGirlGroom · 14/05/2015 15:40

I second the £5 in an envelope. Do it now, so you can stop fretting about it. Then have a strong cup of tea to go with the stiff upper lip. BrewFlowers

foraret · 14/05/2015 15:43

you don't have to! I've never felt I had to.

fiver in an envelope more than lets you off the hook.

sorry for your loss Brew

pixiestix · 14/05/2015 15:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be as gentle as you can with yourself, and sod the bake sale.

Totality22 · 14/05/2015 15:52

If anyone asks you are poorly and couldn't sort anything out on this occasion (this is assuming you don't want to divulge too much to people)

Sorry for your loss, rest up and take care of yourself.

Original poster
SEsofty · 14/05/2015 15:53

I've just realised why the baking thing was getting to me so much. Previous mc was day before chi?d birthday, so was up baking birthday cake.

Thank you all again off to drink tea

OP posts:
LomaLinda77 · 14/05/2015 15:53

I'm so sorry for your loss.
If one of the school mums was in your situation, the last thing on my mind would be why she hadn't baked a cake (even if all I knew was that she was feeling a bit ill).

chairmeoh · 14/05/2015 15:58

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the money an envelope idea is great. But don't fret if you haven't got any cash or envelope around. No one will mind or notice, and you can maybe let your DD choose a cake from the sale if you're feeling up to it.
Tea, feet up, cuddles with DD. Nothing else matters

DinosaursRoar · 14/05/2015 15:59

oh OP, I've done the "have mc then bake a small child's birthday cake" thing too, is shit.

Can you send your DP to Tescos/Sainsburys later on to pick up some cakes so you don't have explain why you've not brought some when you said you would? (assuming you've committed to the cake sale, if not, just don't worry about it, go buy some if you want to feel like you've supported the school)

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 14/05/2015 16:01

You need rest and to give your self time to grieve.

Don't worry about the bake sale.

I am so sorry for your loss.