Just how UR and pfb am I being here?

[Fairy13]

Really would like impartial views.

DS has been having practice days in the toddler room at nursery.

On two separate occasions, both on the toddler days, I've picked him up and he's had an obviously pooey nappy.

Not the end of the world, mentioned it and they changed him. Fine.

Today I dropped him off at 8.15, he did a poo in the car. I told staff when I took him in.
Collected him, you get a sheet listing nappy change times. It sAid he was changed at 9.30 - so he was in a dirty nappy, that they knew about, for over an hour.

I mentioned that I would expect poo to be changed as soon as they can and raised the earlier instances.

Because of this she checked his nappy... Which was pooey

He has really sensitive eczema skin and gets really bad nappy rash so it is fairly important that they change him asap for poo,

So... Is this ok? Am I horribly PFB?

Arh stuff all the 'I would change mine in the middle of a mine field' types - they are a bloody nursery set up to care for children from when you drop them off till when you pick them up that includes changing bums if necessary. 'Who smells it changes it' is what you use with a partner not a professional childcare business that is supposed to make your life easier.

Well I have turned up at 2 different nurseries twice with baby in pooey nappy (that I am aware of!) and both times I changed them myself on changing station in nursery. The staff would have, but I didn't think it was fair. I would also not leave them with relative or DH in poo, but maybe you think this is different.
At least twice (over the years) I have turned up (prob sl earlier than closing time) and found DC in a dirty nappy, I once changed it in the nursery (they did offer), once nursery worker insisted.

I find they change the nappies more often than I do (slummy mummy) but I obviously don't know how long in the day they have been left in pooey nappies, an hour is too long.

PS I always have many nappies and wipes in the car, since an awful day trip pooing incident - let me be the warning!

Well I've dropped mind off dirty every now and then if they've pooed in the car... The nursery has never had any problem with this!

So yanbu on either count!

I don't take nappies/wipes with me on the way to childcare and I have to drop and go immediately so I wouldn't change a child who had pooed on the way.

I'm with you OP - I can't believe the reaction to the pooey nappy! My DD has pooed a few times in the car on the way to nursery and it never even occurred to me to change her! Trying to change a baby in the back of a car on the side of the road outside the nursery when I'm rushing to work is just ridiculous and my idea of hell. And re the argument that it only takes 2 minutes, well with a wriggling baby -and by the time I've cleaned the poo off the back if the car seat it's going to be a lot longer than two mins. It would only take the nursery staff 2 minutes in the designated changing area and given they probably change 20 a day it's not going to make much difference to them either way. At DD's nursey, they've always changed her straight away and never batted an eyelid.

We are less than 10 mins walk from our nursery. DD has on a couple of occasions done a poo in her nappy en route during the walk. DH and I take it in turns to walk her to nursery and when there has been a en route poo we have carried her the rest of the short route to nursery and asked to change her there. On each occasion they have said "don't worry we will do it" and taken her off straight away to be changed, so we can get straight to work. Which is helpful. But we have offered. And we do have to supply our own nappies and wipes each day. If we lived further away and were driving her there we would probably change her in the car and not even know they would be happy to change her on arrival.
Would not be impressed to pick up DD from nursery with a dirty nappy. It's so obvious when children need changing, the smell in a room is grim. How can they not notice?!

I don't know where this change baby at the side of the road stuff is coming from, personally I'd be stunned if a nursery objected to a child having filled their nappy in the last few minutes. Having said that I wouldn't be worried about collecting a child who'd filled their nappy in the last few minutes. At pick up time it's more likely for it to be missed and more understandable. Was there any sign that it had been left for any length of time? If not then I wouldn't worry too much, perhaps a quick chat to clarify the policy about changes. If it does look like it was left then definitely raise it with them.

Re: the smell in the room Paddingtonthebear you don't notice it as much if you are in there. If you walk out and back in it hits you. Not sure why!

To be fair our nursery is small, less than 20 kids in a converted house. I can imagine things are picked up on a bit quicker there than in a big nursery!

For the love of goodness of course the nappy should be changed at nursery. Why on earth would u change it in the back of the car when there's a perfectly good change station in the daycare.

If this happens I just go in and say 'DS has just had a poo, can I nip in here and change him' - it's a wee side room off main room. Sometimes staff say go ahead esp if in middle of brekkie, other times they change him.

Could he have had a change and they havnt recorded it then done their usual nappy change at the set time

Iv also picked Ds up and he's been a bit smelly but not obvious unless your right beside him and he usually off playing away from staff. Again I ask if I can change him and usually a member of staff does it. Toddlers poo, it's life.

Posters are interestingly split! My contribution is that when my dd was in nursery I would have offered to do the change on handover too, but if I was in work gear, particularly if I had meetings, I would have been very relieved and grateful if the nursery said they would do it, and I would prob have tried to emotionally blackmail them to that end a little bit (as in "She's soiled on the way here and needs changing. Can I whizz in NOW and do it, because I've got a meeting in 20 minutes....")

I do get, Fairy, that you've got some history with a lack of changing, and I note several posts think the change is done but the log is slow, which I would hope is correct and is certainly something you can check out (and which would prob put your mind at rest!)

But I also do notice that you've chosen your nursery because it's opening times suit your work practices. So I would suggest that you have to ask yourself whether you're happy with it generally (in which case, swallow or deal with this nappy thing) or you're not, in which case you've got some hard questions to ask yourself.

And this is a bit harsh, for which I'm sorry to soften the blow. But you say your child has sensitive skin and eczema, and look at what you 'modelled'. I'm NOT saying you should have struggled to change on a busy road, with a kid who couldn't wait to get inside and in work gear and in work mode, but I AM saying if you're that bothered about the eczema AND their history, you did drop and run. So, perhaps, look at the non-verbal message you gave them? Perhaps. Esp if you're worried about this already.

Sorry!

A quick query for the posters who change pooey nappies on motorway hard shoulders or the back seats of cars: where do you wash your hands? Not a goady post, I promise, more a genuine inquiry about what other people consider to be acceptable standards of hygiene when it comes to nappy changes. I'll happily change a wet nappy while out and about and use anti-bacterial hand wash afterwards but I always bust a gut to find facilities with a sink and soap when it comes to soiled nappy changes and would prefer to leave a child in a dirty nappy for an extra five or 10 minutes than run the risk, as I see it, of potentially falling foul of unpleasant d&v bugs. Am I normal or do I have OCD tendencies?

Fatmomma - not chosen purely because it suits work.
That was one reason that contributed to it. It is important though, as I'm a single parent and this means I can work 4 rather than 5 days.

I hear what you're saying about modelling behaviours but I'm not sure what I could have done differently.
I was late, nowhere in nursery to change him myself, I'm NOT changing him at side of road. I told nursery very clearly about it.

I think that has derailed this thread somewhat.

I asked if I was unreasonable to think the lax nappy changes were an issue.
I think you're probably right about sheet just being incorrect. But I will mention the pooey nappies at home time thing, because I can't believe has just done them that minute every time.

Yanbu.
Nappies should be changed straight away . It takes a minute to change one when all the gear is there ready.
You shouldn't need to do it in the car - that's crazy I these circumstances.
This isn't Pfb , this is basic child care .

I wouldn't have handed over Id have used their facilities to change dc.

I picked dd up once and she had been in a pooey nappy I commented and they offered to change her straight away. I made a point of changing her myself and had a word with manager on way out. Never happened again.

Leaving the morning nappy aside as tbh, I always offered to change DC and nursery would do it as they'd rather I was out of their way.

Preschool however is a different set up and it's much easier for a parent to change DC's nappy.

You appear to regularly be collecting a child in a soiled nappy. It will be clear to you whether this is freshly done or been sat in a while (usually stuck on quite badly). If they are always the latter, and bottom is red/sore on cleaning, complain. If you're not sure, ask what time the afternoon changes are.

Is there any chance your DC poos at a regular time? My niece would always go at 1:30. So carers were informed of this and would change her accordingly. Rather than leave it until their 2:30 change time because that was when they'd next check after lunch.

My DS has sensitive skin and if was left in a poo nappy for more than a few minutes he'd start to get very sore very quickly.
When he moved up to toddlers, we had a couple of instances where this happened, but I discussed it with the staff - turned out some of them weren't aware of his need to be changed quickly. Never had any real problem after that.

However, if my DS pooed on the way to nursery or as we were arriving I never ever left without changing him myself first. I think YABVVU for not doing it yourself. I pay a lot of money a day too, but even if made me late for work I just wouldn't leave my child like that. Quite often they'd offer to do it, but at that time in the morning when everyone is being dropped off - they don't have the time to do - and I would not expect them to.

YANBU, they should have changed her right away.

Re picking up in a dirty nappy, this happened to us lots. But there's quite a powerful reflex that makes DC poo a little while after meals. I reckon they gave her tea then changed her nappy, then she pooed in the clean nappy just as I arrived to pick her up. Yes I'd have liked them to notice every time but I think I'd probably fail to spot the odd one too at such a busy time of day.

YANBU on the lax nappy changes, I would have a word. YANBU to hand your child over with a dirty nappy if its been done in the car on the way in! I've done this, I dont take any changing equipment with me when I take DD to nursery, I physically couldnt change a nappy, our nursery have no problem with it whatsoever, and I cant believe that any would.

Yanbu to expect they will change the nappy straight away if they've agreed to do it (personally I would offer to do it in there) although I think many of us forget that the ratio of staff means that nursery simply can't provide as good care for our dc as we can, especially where it is a pfb and the only one at home to look after. If your dc is obviously sore on pick up having been left in dirty nappies I would definitely see it as an issue to raise with the nursery. Otherwise it is understandable that they may not always notice a dirty nappy straight away...

My youngest is dc3 and I am much slacker with her, I am sometimes horrified to see I haven't noticed a dirty nappy. Or sometimes I simply can't change it straight away as am preoccupied with the other dc. And I often have to change a nappy in the back of the car (that's what 4wd boots are for?!) and keep a small antibacterial hand sanitiser in my handbag, not as good as a proper hand wash but better than nothing!

Nursery manager took me to one side today to apologise.
For info, I actually mentioned about changing him myself in the mornings if hed pooed. She looked at me like I was from another planet. To those above saying you would have changed him yourself, I repeat - there is nowhere to change him. The changing units are in the main rooms and manager made it really clear today that it is not policy for a parent to be changing nappies.

Only on mumsnet have I heardpeople change their kids nappy themselves on arrival at nursery

Bloody hell!!!

Obviously you can't bring poo from home, that's wrong, but en route, meh, these things happen, surely nursery shouldn't mind changing it (doing what they are paid to do) so parents get off to work on time!

An hour is unreasonable though, if that is actually what happened. Just ask them, perhaps it was put on the timesheet wrong? Or just added to timesheet late as it happened at busy drop off time and they just forgot to note it down?

As a cm it's a fairly regular fact that kids get dropped off with a 'sorry he's pooed in the car'. Don't think twice about it it's just first job of the day. I occasionally have been known to miss a poo at home time if we are outside. I change after tea around 5 as routine. I always offer to change or parent does it at my house.

If I had a child with a tendency to soreness I would schedule more regular checks for poos. Especially if outside where smell doesn't smell as much and so can be missed.