Aibu about MIL's dog

[namechangeNina]

I'll try and keep this brief, I could go on all day about issues around MIL but will try not to...

Currently 37 weeks pregnant with PFB boy. Can't wait, everyone's very excited.

I'm concerned about MIL's dog and would love other people's perspective.

It's a rescue dog that came with promises of "perfect family dog" "friendly wth all". All very well and good till she bites two visitors. Not terrible bites, but bites nonetheless.
Both adults.

They regularly have nieces and nephews visit and happily have the dog around the children. MIL Claims that the dog "worries about the children". To me, this roughly translates to the dog is stressed/jealous of the children and follows MIL everywhere she goes whining.

Would you be concerned? She has shown a lot of aggression to other dogs too, meaning we can't visit with our two lovely dogs who just want to play.

I onvioauly would never leave the baby with a dog anyway, even with ours, I'm well aware that's dangerous. I just feel uncomfortable with this dog and don't necessarily trust MIL to supervise baby with dog if she was ever trusted to care for him alone.

Also I forgot to mention. MIL treats dog like a child, encouraging needy and jealous tendencies and really thinks she's the most wonderful dog in the world. She has never attempted to stop the dog jumping at me whilst heavily pregnant and the dog has hurt and knocked people off their feet when greeting them, all completely unchecked and of course a sign of the dog being wonderfully friendly

Yanbu I would be very worried about the dog and wouldn't leave he baby with MIL at all unless at your house. It obviously has issues and has already bitten before. No way on earth would I have my child around it.

I think you are right to be concerned about this dog and if I had small children they wouldn't be going anywhere near it. Difficult situation for you.

I would never leave her in sole charge of the baby if the dog is around. If you're brave enough, tell her why, although I appreciate this might be hard.

I'm probably brave enough to discuss the dog issue. FIL constantly talks about she bites and jokes about how they can't have certain people over because the dog hates them! He's an intelligent man but thinks this is bloody hilarious! Whilst saying this to his pregnant DIL! Part of me thinks that he's trying to put me off coming over with baby to protect him, he loves the dog too but he's no fool.

Do not let this dog near your baby and do not let them make you feel you're being silly either.

Yanbu, I wouldn't risk it

What does your partner think OP?

I would let my DH handle this one, but hes really good at talking to his batshit crazy mother about stuff.
By what you have described (and I'm a dog lover who has grown up with dogs) I would be very weary about the dog being around the baby. Sounds unpredictable to me. I certainly wouldn't allow the baby to be alone at the house at all.

He is generally supportive but thinks everything i say about his mother is based on my not great relationship with her.
When I have asked what he thinks he just says "well she has never bitten a child" he knows this isn't the point. I'm hopeful when baby arrives he will discover how much you worry about these things.

When I have asked what he thinks he just says "well she has never bitten a child"

"Oh well. I guess it's OK to use our baby as a crash test dummy then"

A dog who is stressed around children is a dog who is dangerous to children. The dog needs a safe refuge and to be taken to it when children are visiting.

If it did turn on your baby, you couldn't even say it was out of the blue. This dog is giving you some very clear messages. They need to be heeded or it will end up in disaster for someone.

I think he might feel differently when baby arrives too, he might be a bit more protective. I love dogs and I would be reluctant for my baby to be around them.
The dog was jumping up at you whilst pregnant and making you uncomfortable, surely your dh can see thats not ok?

There is a huge back story here that I just cannot share or it could be identifying. Husband has a history of discounting things I say when he thinks it's really about his mum.
She has behaved terribly in the past and he likes to say I should just "forget it because it's his mum".
He therefore sees this current discussion as "yet another reason to nag about his mum". I know that makes him sound terrible, he's not, he's lovely. He wouldn't ever leave baby with the dog. But I think he doesn't see the need to avoid the dog altogether, but that's what I feel is safe.

Dog has no safe place and cannot be locked away despite the house being large it is completely open plan downstairs. I honestly don't think MIL would hear of seperating her precious dog from the family either.

I don't go in for a lot of the dog hysteria you see on MN but I would never leave my child with that sort of dog or woman. YANBU.

Yanbu. Not at all. It's got a history of biting and crucially, isn't being trained and treated properly by mil. Allowing it to be fussy and jealous rather than giving it firm and consistent training is very bad news indeed.

Do not let your mil have the child if the dog is around. It takes a second for something to go wrong.

Horrible situation for you. I say this as someone who likes dogs but firmly believes a bad dog is created by a bad owner.

Thanks all. I really appreciate everyone's input.

I have grown up with dogs my entire life. 28 years I have lived with and loved dogs. Never have I met one that makes me uncomfortable like her.

I knew ianbu but it's nice to hear it! If anyone has any suggestions on how to explain this to husband and MIL that would be so helpful.

Unless you know for certain that your mil would be between baby and dog constantly, you are most definitely not being unreasonable. Whenever my children are in the same area as my dog I am on constant alert. This is not because he has ever shown he can't be trusted, it's because he's an animal. I would never trust an animal around a child but also because he's a large dog and I know that if the worst was to happen, the consequences could easily be fatal.

I say that knowing he has never shown aggression or bitten (outside his puppy teething days that is, he was permanently latched to my hand!)

Always do what you think is right OP. This is your baby. Don't be worried about causing offense

If the dog has to be in the same house as the baby you just make sure that they are never in the same room - that includes the hall. Always, always, always a closed door between them. To hell with MIL and her treating of the dog as her baby. Your real baby comes first.

Impossible to lock the dog away. If she is locked outside she will bark and scratch at the door.

You never even think of these things till you get pregnant then all of a sudden there are risks everywhere.

Buy a muzzle for the dog.

The dog may well have been abused in the past or given a hard time by children.

If FIL seems to be on your side, hang on to that, as one of his parents is supporting you, and could talk to his own son about the issue without allowing "women's rivalry" to get in the way of a solution.

When FIL makes these comments, can you talk to him about your fears?

I'm no dog lover, and am inexperienced with dogs, but even putting the best spin on it, that degree of sheer physicality is not good news for a baby. I don't even want to think about dog-jealousy...

yanbu be very very careful.

Have considered a muzzle. It won't stop dog pawing at/jumping on baby, or anyone else for that matter. MIL would never allow it anyway. Thanks for the idea though.

I don't know that his intentions behind these comments are to side with me as such. He may just be saying stupid things without realising. He would support me if a row occurred though I'm sure, he's too sensible to not see any danger here.