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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about MIL's dog

43 replies

namechangeNina · 13/05/2015 16:36

I'll try and keep this brief, I could go on all day about issues around MIL but will try not to...

Currently 37 weeks pregnant with PFB boy. Can't wait, everyone's very excited.

I'm concerned about MIL's dog and would love other people's perspective.

It's a rescue dog that came with promises of "perfect family dog" "friendly wth all". All very well and good till she bites two visitors. Not terrible bites, but bites nonetheless.
Both adults.

They regularly have nieces and nephews visit and happily have the dog around the children. MIL Claims that the dog "worries about the children". To me, this roughly translates to the dog is stressed/jealous of the children and follows MIL everywhere she goes whining.

Would you be concerned? She has shown a lot of aggression to other dogs too, meaning we can't visit with our two lovely dogs who just want to play.

I onvioauly would never leave the baby with a dog anyway, even with ours, I'm well aware that's dangerous. I just feel uncomfortable with this dog and don't necessarily trust MIL to supervise baby with dog if she was ever trusted to care for him alone.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 13/05/2015 17:48

You need to let MIL know that if she wants to be with her DGS the dog has to be in another room or the garden or the garage or the car or left behind but not within range - like it or lump it.

EvilTendency1 · 13/05/2015 17:50

Muzzle effort wouldn't go down well, so I wouldn't even buy one.

In your situation I would leave it for the time being and cross that bridge when you get to it. Can you have IL's visit you perhaps or do they insist on bringing the dog to ? nutters

VivaLeBeaver · 13/05/2015 17:51

Dog on a lead at all times and someone holds the dog?

I used to have a little dog which used to randomly bite people without warning or provocation. When we had visitors the dog was muzzled and on a lead.

Andrewofgg · 13/05/2015 17:53

EvilTendency1 No, ILs must know the score before they visit. Start as you mean to go on.

Phoenix0x0 · 13/05/2015 17:59

YANBU.

You say that you have been around dogs all your life but this one makes you feel very uncomfortable.....I would really listen to this.

Your MIL/FIL will probably expect you to visit with baby at their house right?

What will they do if they are holding baby and the dog snarls/becomes aggressive etc (I say this as you have already said that the dog is jealous/possessive)?

They would be devastated no doubt and maybe then they may regret not taking on board that their pet has issues.

Will your DH support you if you point blank refuse to visit unless the dog is separated/muzzled?

Would they consider an assessment by a dog behaviourist?

Tequilashotsfor1 · 13/05/2015 18:02

You know this is bigger than the dog. It's about the relastionship with your PILs and not being able to discuss things with them.

Your concern is not unreasonable. Children and dogs can be an unpredictable mix.

Don't get embroiled in an argument over a dog. Only agree to visits if the dog is put away or visits at your home. Keep it light and simple and stick to it.

I had murders with my pils whilst I was pregnant regarding smoking in the house, not letting dd in mils uninsured car, not letting mil in the labour room ect... It really made ill.

Stand your ground now. So every one knows where they stand. Pils are not gods that all should obey. They are just every day 'adults'.

If you don't want the dog around baby, then ensure it.

SnowyPiglet · 13/05/2015 18:04

Think you will just have to explain firmly to the ILs, once the baby arrives and the situation presents itself. Ask how they would feel if the dog even nipped the baby and scarred him/her for life. How would they feel then? Is it possible they could put the dog in the back of the car when you visit? (Obviously in the shade, windows open, etc). Or tie it up outside? That's what we do with our dog when we have visitors who don't like dogs, as she can be over friendly & a bit nippy sometimes, and we know it annoys some people.

Original poster
namechangeNina · 13/05/2015 18:05

They've had dog behaviourists over the last few years. The behaviourist basically tells her she has to treat the dog as an animal not a human. (Doesn't say this of course but lays out the way to teach a dog it's place in the family)
She follows the rules for a week or two, considers the dog cured and carrys on as all was before. Dog returns to crazy state.

The most worrying thing is that I don't think the dog growling would even do anything. I really think MIL would say "no noo naughty girl" and continue as before. She really is devoted to the dog and it's worrying.

OP posts:
jimijack · 13/05/2015 18:13

Yanbu.

I stopped going to my ils house for 7 years because they had a dog. I didn't make excuses, just said I wasn't comfortable so would not be going.
The one occasion I did go while pregnant they wouldn't put it in another room, it slathered and stood all over me & to add insult they gave me a brew with dog hair hanging out of the cup.

I cannot bear dogs in any shape or form.

Dh took our son but asked them to put it out back as it was unpredictable. They always waited for him to ask them after he got to house though rather than putting it out of the way when they knew he was coming.

So, you and I are now going to get ripped limb from limb by dog owners/ lovers who will be outraged at the comments of shutting a dog out of its own home.
Bollocks, not everyone likes them.

StarlingMurmuration · 13/05/2015 18:15

My dad has a lovely dog who has never bitten anyone and who loves laying with kids, but I won't let him anywhere near my DS. DS is 6 months old and loves to roll around on the floor squealing... Basically the perfect trigger for for a small terrier to think he's a squeaky toy. My dad pulled his face but I insisted, and I love that dog to bits. YANBU, who wants to run the risk when it's not necessary?

StarlingMurmuration · 13/05/2015 18:16

*playing with kids, that should have been

pluCaChange · 13/05/2015 18:26

Shock What prompted the call to (a) behaviourist(s), and who made the booking?

Goldmandra · 13/05/2015 18:58

you and I are now going to get ripped limb from limb by dog owners/ lovers who will be outraged at the comments of shutting a dog out of its own home.

I don't see why. The dog is clearly stressed by visitors, especially children and would probably be much happier in his own safe space when they are there.

Our rescue JRT is clearly frightened of small children and his stress levels when they visit are visibly high. He goes in his crate in the utility when anyone but very familiar visitors who understand and respect dogs is here, with a treat and is happy. He doesn't have the understanding to get narked about being ousted from his own living room.

Original poster
namechangeNina · 13/05/2015 19:20

Thanks for all the advice everyne. Hugely appreciate it. However does anyone know how I could get this post removed? Think I may have been too identifying and mil may be on mumsnet.

OP posts:
Kayakwonder · 13/05/2015 19:35

Hope you can stand your ground OP. Dog needs to be crate-trained and put in crate with blanket, treats and a kong (available from Amazon) every time someone visits their house. This will keep you safe and be kinder for the dog as he will feel secure.

Goldmandra · 13/05/2015 19:36

Click on report on the right hand side of your OP and ask MN to remove it in the message box that comes up.

EponasWildDaughter · 13/05/2015 19:38

Might be good thing if she is OP. You've said nothing unreasonable, only the truth.

Original poster
namechangeNina · 13/05/2015 20:05

Thanks again all. Going to report post now. It's so nice to have this spot to off load. Flowers to you all.

OP posts:
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