To ask about this child - what would you think?

[Jasmineskye]

Has many lovely qualities.

However, these aspects to his character make parenting him a challenge.

He has NO sense of humour, unless someone has been hurt, not in a 'you've been framed' way but for example if another child has been in trouble. Silly films have him sitting glowering.

He is not physically affectionate, refuses to hold hands with his sister when crossing the street and never hugs her. Sometimes will sit on mothers knee.

Complains a lot and continues complaining until he gets his way. For instance if music in the car isn't what he wants to listen to he will loudly complain so no one can hear it anyway.

Obsessed with weapons. Likes martial arts. Really hurts his sister and family pet (cat) at times.

Inappropriate dress sense. Will not wear anything bought for him by somebody else, he had to choose it. Wears one item of clothing constantly.

Would you think he had special needs?

What are the "many lovely qualities" you mentioned at the beginning of your OP?

www.autism.org.uk/news-and-events/about-the-nas/contact-us.aspx

Give the National Autistic Society a ring, they will be able to give you further information about accessing help.

It's funny you say that Lowry as when I read that book, I had horrifying flashbacks to my childhood!

But no, he isn't a 'Kevin.' He has a bizarre interest in weapons and military and martial arts, but then in fairness lots of people do. He isn't violent really. What he doesn't have is the ability to translate his feelings to other people. So for instance he will pick up cats. I have a cat; the cat hates being picked up. Told brother this - he continues to pick up the cat. The cat hates my brother, so what does he do? Picks up the cat As kids, it was as if he couldn't translate 'if someone squeezes me too hard it hurts me' to understanding if he squished the cat it also hurt the cat.

Of course, the cat, being a cat, has told him to fuck off in the strongest possible way by scratching him. Bad cat (so he says.)

He has a surprising amount of patience with small children. As a teenager he had a moped and used to take them on rides (slowly!) and never lost patience or got cross. He also likes babies. He can be very sweet with me in his way, he is certainly grateful for the emotional support I give him. If I lose patience and get snappy or irritable with him he is placid about this.

But, he does have some horrible aspects to his character as well unfortunately. He also lacks perspective - that question you get asked at the hospital about how severe the pain is? Always a 9, at the least. Oh the agony. If you DARE question it, his voice becomes low, deep, intent and he speaks very quickly, using your name constantly. 'What you don't seem to realise, jasmine, is that what I suffer from is something called being a complete drama llama. Being a complete drama llama, jasmine, involves ... '

My dad always knew something was up. My mum wouldn't hear of it.

Poor guy. I really do think you need to be firm with him though. He sounds perfectly capable of handling it and well able to manage on his own.

I want a sibling to be a friend, a source of support. Not this! Me too. One of the most important things I did was realise this was NOT what my DB could do; mourn this feeling and move on.

Poor him

Some of the rigid behaviour now does make me think ASD (e.g. lamppost example).

His GP must not be looking beyond the immediate symptoms of depression to have just prescribed ADs.

I don't know about your duty to him. I see you feel it a burden, and agree with pp that your parents should have done all they could to ensure support for him after they'd gone. But I also think as family unless something awful has happened, it would be hard for me to detach simply because one of my sibling's (or behaviour) was odd or annoying , if they had not actually done anything to hurt me. If we don't have family to look out for us if we need help, and are unable to make friends, what will become of us?

Call the NAS who might or quite possibly not be able to suggest something. Even your own SS department - he's a vulnerable adult with no support where he clearly needs it.

I'm sorry! After reading more of your posts in starting to get a better picture of what you are trying to say, sorry.

Something does sound amiss, my brother is a couple of years older than me and we rarely hug or anything if we do its very awkward, when we were kids we would have held hands crossing the road though. All I can say is unless it's directly affecting you or you can see he is unhappy as a result of his behaviour then you might have to leave him to it, he's an adult, carrying a SN label won't change anything, if you suspect his behaviour could be on the autistic spectrum then maybe go easier on him? I don't see why the diagnosis would change anything.

Get a copy of The complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. I think it could help you understand the reasons behind some of your DB's behaviour.

Also look into Pathological Demand Avoidance which is part of of AS but can also exist in its own right. Some of the strategies from managing it may help you.

Adults with AS who have spent many years feeling excluded by society, exhausted by trying to make sense of things other people know instinctively can end up giving up on trying and just decide to plough their own furrow. Maybe this is what your DB is doing.

Depression is common in people with AS.

Asperger's, schizotypal personality disorder, narcissist? It sounds like there is something wrong with your brother but what that is and whether a diagnostic label would help I'm not so sure. Ultimately you can't make him seek help or change, I'd say you need to think about some boundaries for yourself.

He sounds very, very like my brother who was diagnosed with Aspergers aged 22. He is 27 now and has since accessed lots of help, takes ADs that work for him and holds down 2 jobs. He has had 2 nice girlfriends and has learned how to conform enough so that he can function very well in society. Don't get me wrong, he is still a very unique individual and has many quirks, but he has learned not to do things like provoke the police into arresting him for disorderly conduct and to say thank you when people do nice things for him like holding doors open instead of glaring at them.

He has also bought a house and, although he doesn't live in it yet, my parents are hoping he will one day.

A diagnosis has had its downsides (he sometimes uses it to 'excuse' what is just his shitty behaviour) but overall has helped him immeasurably.

Oh, and ditto to the driving cross-country to see me. I was once turning off the telly and about to retire to bed at 11pm and I saw a face pressed RIGHT up,against my window. It was him . He lives 300 miles away and had driven to see me. He only stayed half an hour before he said he had to go again.

Yes, yes Tracy!

I agree with others who've flagged up autism. It sounds like he could be on the spectrum.

Asperger's.

You'll need to work with him through a diagnostic process and onwards until he gets some support. With a diagnosis he may be able to claim some sort of benefits?

High functioning autism not Asperger's as OP says he was speach delayed, not that it matters as it's all termed ASD now anyway.
I think a diagnosis would help a great deal, I have no idea where this downside of diagnosis thing comes from when it comes to SN, in what other circumstances would it be a good idea not to diagnose something?