OCD Chemicals + Baby - Help please?

[rosekelly28]

I had no idea where to put this so I apologise that it's not really an AIBU.

I've been worrying myself sick and can't find any answers so I'm hoping someone here can help me (I have severe OCD which might help explain my reaction to what happened).

A couple of nights ago I stupidly left a plastic washing up basin on top of my gas oven. I then proceeded to cook dinner and the heat coming out of the vent at the back of the oven melted a hole in the bowl and subsequently the melted plastic dripped onto the stove and unfortunately down the vent. The plastic had only just melted and hadn't reached bubbling or burning stage. There were no smell/fumes and no smoke but I'm unbelievably worried about my 7 month old DD's health and I'm concerned that she may have breathed some toxins in. Is it possible for fumes to be released from melted NOT burned plastic even if there's no smell or smoke? Would I know if there was? I have a sore throat which I've convinced myself is related but I'm not sure but all I care about is my DD.

I'm also worried about how the person coming out will fix the oven, I really don't want him using chemicals to clean the vents and will completely freak out if he sprays anything etc. I'm dreading him coming but I know it needs to be fixed.

I've gotten rid of everything on the worktops around the oven because I'm worried harmful toxins may have settled on stuff, including an expensive steamer/blender that I use to make baby food. I'm so worried and don't feel safe in the house anymore.

Am I overreacting? What would you do in this situation?

Hi Rose, you need to go back to GP and get some more CBT for your OCD
It's not good that your previous therapist thought it was funny, it's a serious condition that has quite an impact on your life.
You deserve some proper help with it, best wishes x

I agree that you need to source some help for your OCD and continue with it until you're better able to deal with the causes.

At 7mo your DD is fairly self contained but as she gets older, I can only imagine that your anxiety will increase, which isn't great for you but will be damaging to your DD too. She could well grow up thinking this level of anxiety is normal.

Please continue to look for help, to benefit both you and your DD.

I've woken up today feeling awful again :( I convinced myself yesterday that no harmful fumes would have been released from the plastic if it was just melting and not burning but every time I come downstairs or go in the kitchen my throat feels sore so I'm adamant that there must be something still in the air and I'm just not smelling it?

Someone's coming to fix the oven today too but I still won't be convinced it's safe to use. I'm so fed up.

You have an illness and its not just going to disappear overnight but you can get help with it. Anxiety will make your throat feel tight and sore. Has your OH had any symptoms? I strongly suspect that the answer is no; so the uncomfortable feeling in your throat is not due to anything in the house, otherwise he would feel ill too.

Please make an appointment to see your GP.

You've got an illness that you can't just convince yourself out of-you need someone to help you through it. I'm sure you know rationally that there are no fumes still around. I'm sure the oven man will tell you everything is safe. I'm also pretty sure that that won't be enough to settle your mind about this situation.

You should make an appointment to see your gp and get on the road to recovery.

Wishing you all the best.

Hi OP, how are you feeling now? I am an OCD sufferer and I understand how you feel. I know that mindfulness is pedalled for everything these days but I have found that mindfulness as well as CBT have helped me.
I use a book called the mindfulness workbook for ocd. The really good thing is that, while there is always a waiting list for therapy, you can start helping yourself immediately by using this and other ocd books.
One thing to keep in mind is that looking for reassurance (NOT looking for support for your OCD, which is a positive thing) is one of the compulsions you need to address.
I know it sounds hard, but you need to get used to the uncertainty And the anxiety will diminish.
What I mean is, as much as your DR and others might try to reassure, what keeps you going us the tiny tiny possibility that they might be wrong. You need to accept this.
I would strongly advise that you read up a bit on ocd (ocd action website is good) and go to your GO asking to be referred to an ocd specialist. Your go may not know much about ocd. A normal councillor may be ill equipped to deal with it. But there is an increasing amount of work on ocd being done, and a lot of knowledge about it.
I understand how painful it is. Best of luck.

To clarify I meant Dp not Dr. And then GP.

Everything Ros said. I also have that book and it was hugely helpful to me. Seeking reassurance and posting online is a symptom that only makes it all worse. Also people who don't have OCD or specialise in it really,really don't get it and tend to think it's a problem of overreaction or that the specifics of the thing you are worrying about are more important than they are and they try to dispute your worry, when really your worry is a feeling your mind is rejecting and trying to solve by pushing it onto this external experience.

The thing is, your mind tells you that you are worried about the chemicals, that the chemicals are the problem. In reality, it is the worry that is the problem. You are trying to problem solve a difficult feeling, and feelings can't be solved as though they were things in the world. The last thing you want to hear with the OCD is what you really need to do: you have to have this worry, and allow it, open up to it, be present to your experience and don't let it push you around or stop you doing what you need to do or what matters most in your life. It does sound to me like you are not yet at the stage where you understand and why how OCD says what it says and does what it does. The good news is a full recovery from symptoms is possible with specialist treatment xx

I'm sat here waiting for the oven guy to arrive. I've had to cancel the baby group we usually go to every Weds afternoon to wait in for him so I really hope he turns up soon so I can try and relax a little. My heart is racing and I feel panicky but I'm trying to keep it together to entertain and occupy my DD.

I've done so well these last few months and have managed to refrain from reassurance seeking and posting online etc. but I've felt it creeping up on me over the last few weeks. My OH is staying at my house this week with my and our DD but he actually broke up with me a few weeks ago and went to live with his friends. My 'rules' drove him away and made us incompatible he says. He doesn't understand and thinks I'm being selfish, even though I've tried to explain to him how I feel, shown him posts online from other people with OCD to prove I'm not 'making stuff up' as he likes to call it. He thinks I blame a lot on my OCD just to get my own way, I wish this was true. He says we need a break and to rethink our relationship but leaving me here as a single mum without much support has made my OCD and anxiety go through the roof.

The thing is, I've been able to keep it under control for the most part but when this happened on Sunday night it was a major setback for me. I called numerous professionals, medical and people who specialise in plastics. I researched the type of plastic that the bowl was made of as it had a number 5 inside a triangle which means it's polypropylene. I've read about it's properties, melting points, toxicity etc. and I've frantically searched on forums looking for people who have done similar and looked at how they handled it. Many people have burnt baby bottles on the stove or breast bumps causing thick black smoke to fill the room when their babies are sleeping not too far away and they're more concerned about whether they can use the products rather than worry about the fumes/toxins. I suppose this is what happens in the mind of someone without OCD.

When I first saw the bowl on the stove my first thought was 'oh no the bowl's ruined' but then my OCD came out of nowhere because it knew it could torture me with this. It then led me to Google where I searched for plastic fumes/vapours and how harmful they are. One of the first things I read mentioned carcinogens and that's when the panic really set in. I asked my OH (I still call him OH when I should be saying ex but I'm not used to it yet) whether there would be fumes even though I couldn't smell anything and his 'I don't know' made my heart sink, I then called my dad who basically said 'probably not' - this wasn't what I wanted to hear!

I've had OCD since I was a child but it really has become much worse since I became a mum. I understand the way it works but still let it beat me down for some reason.

Sorry for the very long post!

Ok so he's been and gone. He looked at me like I was bonkers when I told him what the problem was (I think he was actually expecting a broken oven to fix NOT a bit of melted plastic stuck onto the vent).

Either way, he took the back off and removed the vent, scraped off as much as he possibly could and then advised putting the oven on high heat and letting whatever traces left to burn away. So I've opened all windows and doors in the kitchen and come upstairs with DD while that happens. I considered going out but realised I couldn't leave the house while the oven was on and would have also had to lock windows, doors etc. He said it wouldn't even be an issue for our health if I'd melted the whole bowl but I beg to differ. He said anything that comes out of the vent now in terms of gases from the plastic dust will be no worse than anything else that's coming out of there such as byproducts from burnt food etc so I'm trying to remain calm while hoping to god that he's right and that I'm not turning my kitchen into a chemical wastebin.

Is this what they call exposure therapy??

You are having a rough time. It is understandable stress will exacerbate it and you need to really commit to playing at your edge and pushing yourself to your limit to stop this treatable illness from determining your future happiness.

Do you feel willing to seek specialist therapy and treatment to stop this from trapping you more next year than it does today?

And the problem really, really isn't the chemicals, no matter how much your OCD (not you) begs to differ. It is the OCD is the issue.

Your very first step is to stop googling and seeking information from professionals and if you can't seek an urgent appointment with a GP to get a strong dose of medication to enable you to take this action.

Ask yourself, is looking this up/seeking this information worth strengthening my OCD? Every time you do it, you open the door to this bully and say come in, fuck up my life, take away everything I care about, hurt me. Is the few brief seconds of relief really worth a lifetime of being pushed around by this disease?

duplodon thank you for your advice. I'm definitely going to seek help and arrange to see a therapist asap. In the meantime I'm going to stop googling and obsessing over chemicals or germs or whatever it might throw at me next and try so hard to not let it beat me. I've been feeling weak these last couple of months and the OCD has taken advantage of that. You're absolutely right, I need to stop letting it into my life to bully me and ruin my precious time with my little girl. I've barely paid her any attention these last couple of days because I've been so obsessed with searching on the internet or calling people and I feel so guilty about that. I really don't want to look back at times like these in a few years and regret not trying my hardest to get better because it's stealing my life and my happiness. It's so bloody exhausting.

Ok the problem is your anxiety not the fumes. You need to forget about those. I spent much of my childhood melting plastic and am absolutely fine (melting biros and kinder egg stuff - am I weird?)

There's NOTHING to worry about.

I know, my heart goes out to you. Been there, done that. I have three kids now and I will always regret - though I know I didn't choose it - how much time it stole from me, especially when my boys were tiny (I was particularly badly affected with my second). You will get past this. It isn't your fault. At the same time you are bigger than it and no matter what it tells you, it isn't you and you are able to take action against it xx

Bare in mind that when you go outside there are plenty of 'chemicals' released from cars etc, so there is really bad stuff all around us.
Try not to worry.
As an aside, I did a undergraduate degree in chemistry about 10 years ago and often worry about myself coming into contact with stuff that was harmful. I think health anxiety among new mothers is common I know I have it!

Argh, that first paragraph sounded more scaremongering. Didn't mean it to.
I am sure you are fine but see someone about the OCD xx

Can I add a different note to this please? OP my mum was like you and my childhood was warped by her worries. And she was beyond fear and acting irrationally for most of the time - I do understand it must have been, and still is, awful for her.
You may not do it for yourself, but for the sake of your baby please try to get useful help for your anxiety. In my experience, it won't go away by itself and will only become more difficult to effectively treat.
Your precious baby will then have a more ordinary childhood, and you'll enjoy her, and life, much more.

You're all right, I do need help. My daughter needs a happy, healthy mum and I'm a mess at the moment. I actually relaxed last night and went to bed feeling good but then this morning my 'ex' went to work and my DD's having a nap and my mind's in overdrive again.

My OCD is telling me that there's still something to worry about with the oven.

Oh and last night when I aired all the house out after the oven guy left, all doors and windows were wide open and then a huge gust of wind came through the house. My DD was sat in her chair in the living room and all this white stuff was floating around in the living room. It looked exactly like tiny shards of plastic. It was on the sofas, on the kitchen worktops and worst of all in my poor DD's hair that seems to attract everything. I picked some off the worktop and rubbed it between my thumb and finger and it melted and turned into what looked like white paint. I freaked out and instantly thought it was all the plastic the guy had scraped out of the oven. It's as though it was bloody haunting me! I went into the back garden and saw it floating everywhere and realised it was some sort of blossom or sap from a tree. I was SO relieved and looking back can see how absurd it was to think it was plastic. If I didn't laugh I'd cry.

Hi, I'm glad that you managed to relax last night, hold on to that feeling. Of course, you will have relapses, but you know that you can regain perspective. I always find it very helpful to remember that, however hard it is to understand when I am in the grip of an anxiety, it is an anxiety problem, and finding a way to relax and refocus will help me to put it back into perspective.

This may sound ridiculous, but I have found that repetitive hobbies such as knitting or painting have a relaxing effect by drawing me in to concentrating on something else.

There are some good "mindfulness for OCD" videos on you tube. Even if you are cynical about mindfulness, I find that it is comforting just to watch a video of someone that I know understands talking about the problem in a compassionate way.

I don't know enough about your relationship with your ex to really have an opinion, but maybe it would be helpful for him to read the section in the book "Overcoming OCD" which is addressed to concerned family and friends.

This emphasises that a supportive approach does not mean pandering to the OCD sufferers worries-this can be difficult sometimes, when a person is begging for reassurance about something.

I find that is helpful for me to be really clear to friends that I do want them to be supportive when I am feeling low, but this does not mean sitting and mulling over the content of my worries with me and trying to find solutions to them (I won't go into the kinds of things I worry about).

I would rather talk about anything else and I find that focussing on other things helps the anxiety to fade. I suppose it is about getting myself out of my own head and grounding myself in reality-so even having a chat with someone in the local shop and "acting" like calm person has the effect of making me calmer.

As I said, I really don't know what sort of person your ex is, so I am very cautious to say this, but maybe your OCD is trying to "recruit" him by asking him to behave in certain ways that in the short term reduce your worry, and that is what he is reacting to when he says he can't live with your rules anymore. In other words, there may be something positive to be gained from his uncompromising attitude, if he can also be compassionate about the problem itself. Its just a thought.

I think you're right. I always ask him whether he's washed his hands before holding or playing with our DD even though I know he has. I won't go to the petrol station with her in the car and make him go later on when he's dropped us off at home. When she was newborn I'd be so paranoid that he was going to accidentally drop her or bang her head against the door frame when walking into the other room and I'd watch him like a hawk and if I went for a shower I'd come back down and ask him what happened if I'd heard her cry and try and trick him into telling me the 'truth' even though she was just crying because that's what babies do. I'm not surprised he's fed up with me, it must be very difficult. But I do admit that when he complies with my OCD behaviours, I feel relieved and that just makes it grow doesn't it?

When I was pregnant I would ask my dad to come round and we would just sit and talk about my worries all evening and he and my ex would think they were helping me but obviously they were making it worse. I didn't care though because it felt so good to be discussing my obsessions in fine detail but I was too ill to realise how bad it was for me to be doing that.

My ex is a good guy. He's stood by me through a lot. My mum died just over 2 years ago when I was 22 and I was such a mess. He would do anything for me and although it hurt like hell when he left, I think he needs a break from me. I'm actually stronger without him when it's just me and our DD at home.