to choose my ds over my cat

[tobytomcat88]

bit of background we just moved out of my mums with our 7 mo ds and 1 if the family cats...... he has always been a nightmare with the other 2 cats (we think because he's the only male) he would never use the litter tray or food bowl if they had used it.... therfore he would go to the toilet EVERY WHERE!

I thought all this would change if he was alone but he still continues to wee and poo all over. it'd got that bad he no comes in the house for a wee!! We've put up with it for 3 weeks

he has now started weeing in my son's playpen I have had to disinfectant it 4 times in the past week! I'm worried 1 day I won't notice he's done it and let me son play and chew on the toys in there.

I would send him back home but he used 2 bully 1 of the other cats who is a lot older and she's now just getting back to her usual self.

my partner wants him gone ......
I loved this cat to bits he was my baby before ds was born

any advice....

Just to add if you can no longer opt to put an animal down then that probably explains why so many people are allowing their cats to become feral and just leaving them to fend for themselves when they move house.

OP you will hear the same advice on here over and over. Do not rehome your cat via an internet site such as Gumtree as they will be used as dog fight bait. Use an animal charity even though animal charities are over run, cannot take your animal full stop or there is a waiting list of months. We all know that rehoming a non-house trained animal is going to have then queuing round the block so even if the charity does take the animal it will probably be PTS anyway.

So your options according to MN is to keep the cat and have your whole house covered in urine and faeces.

Social services will be delighted when they come found and see the conditions your baby is living in . When they get actively involved and you put a thread on here saying your scared that social services are showing an interest in your family, could it be because your house is unsanitary due to your cat, you will then receive a massive flaming with people telling you you shouldn't put your cat above your child and you are a fucking moron.

So do what you will but remember you will never win on here.

*you're

He wasn't looked after appropriately in his multi cat household.
You don't have the knowledge or resources to help him now.

Do what you like but please stay away from pet ownership in future.

Put a little shed in the garden and make the cat live in there. Take food, water out there for him daily. He will cry at first to be let back in the house but he'll get used to it and it's kinder than being PTS or handed over to an overstretched-and-underfunded animal charity.

You're being very dramatic sebsmummy. Op says her cat is much loved and was her "baby". If she and the family have put up with this problem for all these years I expect they might be willing to put a few weeks into trying to reverse the situation.
Op if you are on benefits you will be able to access free vet care via your local PDSA. He does need a vet to check him over. It could be a chronic cystitis or stress and they can prescribe antidepressants to help calm him. I second putting a couple of trays with soft substrate in the areas he likes to do his business. It's also important he has places to go where he can get peace and quiet from the baby, so plenty of shelves, under the bed, on the wardrobe, etc. you need to make some time to play with him and fuss him each day. There is a Rae,ly good website called international cat care. They have a whole page dedicated to addressing toiletting issues, worth a look. There is also a section on the Pet Forums website called Cat forums where there are lots of successful threads on managing inappropriate toiletting. There is also a vet on that site and vets on the Litter Tray Mumsnet site too plus lots of people with tons of experience who are always helpful and sympathetic.

Of course you can get an otherwise healthy but long term non-house trained animal PTS! My parents eventually had to do this with their much loved but incontinent Springer Spaniel. As they were growing old they moved somewhere totally unsuitable for a boisterous dog and because of her incontinence (which meant she was on very expensive meds but still leaked urine everywhere) they couldn't find anyone to take her (I was living in a different country). It was with great sadness that they had her PTS but they knew it was for the best and she'd had a great life.

OP, you've already tried hard and in your shoes I wouldn't tolerate this disgusting situation any longer. Lock the cat outside / with a shed for shelter or have it PTS. I know which option I'd consider most humane.

Or maybe one of the MNetters full of advice for how to change this cat's behaviour (after 8 years!) will volunteer to take it?

I do wish people would get beyond this insane idea that being PTS is the worst thing that can happen to an animal. I think it's actually irresponsible to condemn an animal to months, even years in a cage at a rehoming centre.

Thank you Haklyut!!!

You said he has always wee'd on soft things, have you had his paws checked to see if he's in pain? Does he use his litter box at all? What litter is in there? Cat's can be fickle about litter - mine only likes the small clay kind and prefers closed litter boxes.

It does sound like he's insecure. Do you have an scratching posts that he can mark with his scent? Place a few around your home so he can claim your home and it smells like his home too. Are there certain areas where he messes? Are there windows near by where he can see other cats/foxes? Place a few litter boxes in places where he messes with different litter in to see if there's one he does like and if you find one you can start getting rid of the other ones.

Do not restrict to one room - you'll stress out an already stressed cat. If you can't afford a behaviourist and you have any spare time watch a few "my cat from hell" episodes, they have cases like this all the time.

But seriously, if you can't cope, do rehome him.

Has he been checked out by a vet for any bladder issues? How about a behaviourist? Are you prepared to put the effort into helping him or do you just want to not feel guilty about getting rid of him?

One of the top tips for this behaviour is to keep the cat and litter tray in a small space which is cleanable - eg bathroom, utility room etc. Do not let the cat out under any circumstances. Clean any accidents with biological washing powder and cool water asap and keep the litter tray clean. If he likes soft try the wood litter that breaks down and gies fluffy when wet. Eventually he should retrain himself. However you need to consider the comfort of the cat, it can only be tolerated for a shortish time, your time - you'll need to spend time with the cat throughout the day. Also, if it works, you will always need to be vigilant and keep all soft things away, bedroom doors closed etc. it's possible to retrain but after 8 years it's not going to be easy.

That's terrible advice Red, and certainly not recommended by any behavourist I know. So you take the animal and lock it away in a shitty little room? What if the room has no windows - do you leave the light on or just leave it in darkness? No social interaction? No stimuation? So all it has to do is sleep, eat and poo? You'd end up with a cat with more issues!

My understanding is if you give a cat a small territory, there is less stress as the cat finds it easy to "defend", and as they can see it all, doesn't feel the need to urine mark.

I wouldn't lock the cat in a small space, but with mine I restricted him to the kitchen diner, with cat flap access to outside. There was usually someone in that room, so he grew confident that there'd be no other cats and a human to offer fuss and food.

Once he stopped marking that territory we extended one room at a time.

The thing is he probably became more confident as his scent was absorbed into your home. The reason cats scratch sofas (and it's not to sharpen claws) is because Sofas stink of their people and because of the scent markers on their feet, they are adding their scent to ours. It is about confidence, but mostly about security. Most of a cats scent marking is done through it's feet by scratching and head rubbing, when a cat wants to make sure that absolutely everybody knows what is his - he wee's. If he's doing it in the house outside the box it's because he doesn't feel secure.

Get off your high horse tippy.

"However you need to consider the comfort of the cat, it can only be tolerated for a shortish time, your time - you'll need to spend time with the cat throughout the day."

As pp says the idea is to give the cat an environment free from stress to be able to reset itself after some pretty traumatic years. It may not be your favourite idea but is certainly less extreme than pts for something that's not the cats fault.

totally disgusted by some of the 'advice' on here. Being PTS should only ever be a very last option. people wbo shout this as a first solution shouldnt be allowed pets as clearly dont put effort into their pets wellbeing. Before that stage I would be looking for someone locally who can put the time in to re-train. there will always be someone that will be able to help if you just wait it out to find the right person to step in.

OP as I said earlier I didn't think there was any hope for my cat and he was and still is my baby. He liked peeing on soft things too - mainly on the sofa or in a bag etc. Get him neutered first of all if he isn't already and see how he goes. If he has been done then go to the vets. as others have said the vet can check for a UTI as was originally suspected with my cat. They can also help with stress etc. If nothing else works then you would nbu to look at rehoming to put your family first. Being Pts should only be an option if there really is no one coming forward to step in to care for the cat.

good luck.

if my cat was shitting everywhere, he would be rehomed on a farm or something, or not let in the house. Pets are supposed to bring you some sort of joy. Its not like youre doing any help for an endangered species, and a cat thats shitting in its own house constantly, is not a happy cat, and not a good pet.

" If nothing else works then you would nbu to look at rehoming to put your family first. Being Pts should only be an option if there really is no one coming forward to step in to care for the cat."

Rehome? Are YOU offering to take the cat off her hands? Who on earth is going to take on a cat with these kinds of issues--shelters put healthy, happy purring cats to sleep all the time because they can't find homes for them.

Of course the OP should try out the tips here to see if they work. If they don't, bye-bye kitty cat. Seriously. It's a cat, not a furry, misunderstood human.

Have you an outhouse or something to leave him in ?I would movehim !its not that long since he's moved yo yours so I would make up a comfortable home in outhouse or shed etc, old towels on an old small chair or cushion etc and let him pee till his hearts content, that or take to the rescue centre as my ds would come 1st, if dh thatd be a different matter

Animal charities aren't all over-run. I'm a cat fosterer, and actually my current foster cat is very particular about his toileting requirements - wrong litter, or not scrupulously clean tray? Then he'll crap in the bath! It's a case of finding out what he needs and rewarding good behaviour. To hear me, you'd think I'd had a lottery win when he shits in his litter tray! He gets treats and fuss, and he likes that. The bath shitting is happening less and less.

You can buy soft shredded paper for cats litter trays, try that. Also try a total tray change at the start of every day. Some cats don't like revisiting their pee! I don't think Feliway accomplishes much tbh. But if you can't help him with this problem, don't assume no-one else would want to try. In my fostering group I can think of 3 or 4 of us who'd be prepared to take on a cat like that and work with them, and support with rehoming.

Absolutely. Put him outside. Because a cat that's used to being inside with a family isn't going to be distressed at all by being locked outside without the understanding to know why................

I repeat. Being PTS is not the worst thing that can happen to an animal. Very often it is the most responsible, least cruel option.

*Is it possible other cats or children stress him out? I had a cat who would vomit during any visit by children, he couldn't cope. Perhaps he'd be happier with a single person or childfree couple?

I asked the vet recently about a cat at my work who's toilet habits are nowhere near as bad as yours if there was anything that could be done to improve them and he said there wasn't... Saying that, I'd also do confining to one room with multiple trays (perhaps with towels in?) to try and retrain. Over time you could start adding cat litter on the towels in the trays and then reduce number of trays down to one before extending the area he can access.

Another vote for PTS.