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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think bloody hell crack a smile nursery mum

78 replies

ShootPeppaPig · 11/05/2015 18:22

Not sure what I could have ever done to offend this woman, but iv just been blatantly blanked not once, but twice while we were both with our kids who recognised each other...

Our kids go to the same place every day and play with each other there... Of course she doesn't speak to me there either but it's a drop off/dash out situation and I presumed that was why we never spoke as she might be rushing to get to work iyswim

To make matters worse I obviously smiled both times thinking at least she'd acknowledge me the second if she pretended not to see me the first (which was impossible, we were stood next to each other!)

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 11/05/2015 18:56

nickersinaknot · 11/05/2015 18:57

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Original poster

ShootPeppaPig · 11/05/2015 18:58

Of course I can do something about those things ConfusedinBath, in fact I posted today in style and beauty asking for advice and have frequented the weight loss posts and lost several stone so far, but I don't think my lack of confidence and body image should be a pre-requisite to mere politeness to each other. I don't expect friendship, just a smile or even a nod back if we literally bump into each other...

OP posts:

ConfusedInBath · 11/05/2015 18:58

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peppercold · 11/05/2015 18:59

Why would/should she?

drudgetrudy · 11/05/2015 19:02

I don't think it should be necessary for anyone to lose weight and wear make-up in order to warrant being treated with politeness.
However OP I wouldn't lose any sleep over her.

Justmuddlingalong · 11/05/2015 19:02

ConfusedInBath

Is that shocked face to me?

Absolutely. Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

NCTimeAgain · 11/05/2015 19:03

Poor lady

ConfusedInBath · 11/05/2015 19:04

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ApocalypseThen · 11/05/2015 19:08

Are we obliged to be friendly to everyone with children in the same nursery?

ConfusedInBath · 11/05/2015 19:09

This reply has been deleted

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Stopandlook · 11/05/2015 19:10

Sorry if it's me too - I am often on another planet....

Original poster

ShootPeppaPig · 11/05/2015 19:11

Actually ConfusedinBath they have a lot to do with how others see us, you posted to tell me I could do something about them, seemingly presuming that I hadn't realised that for myself.

Having been a slim person most of my life and a recently fat now slimming person - I'm very aware how I'm treated differently.

Yes, I will need to thicken my skin and become immune and I'm going to encounter this far more as my child goes through school as nickersinaknot pointed out, but regardless of it happening - first time in that situation it's so blatant, you do think "WHY?"

OP posts:

NightsOfGethsemane · 11/05/2015 19:13

God, who cares OP? So a woman you don't know, doesn't smile at you? Who gives a fuck? You're probably not even on her radar. I have my sunglasses on an iPod in most nursery drop off (am light sensitive) and wouldn't recognise other parents in a line up. I have other things on my mind of a morning.

Would you be posting this if it was a dad who had 'blanked' you? Probably not if you're honest. Only women are expected to be cheery and friendly at all times.

Original poster

ShootPeppaPig · 11/05/2015 19:15

Apocalypse - I don't know, I had assumed it was manners to acknowledge someone you recognise who's the parent of a friend of your child, maybe I'm wrong?

Let's make it clear - I didn't expect a conversation or a budding friendship - just a smile/wave/nod/wink basically something that acknowledged my offered smile...

Had I also blanked her, I wouldn't have expected anything but a blank in return...

OP posts:

NightsOfGethsemane · 11/05/2015 19:16

X posted. But it's really not a big deal OP. If she really is blanking you that's about her not you. Not worth getting upset about.

msgrinch · 11/05/2015 19:16

^^ what nights said. This would not even hit my radar for things to care about. Maybe she was daydreaming, maybe she was thinking "shit I have 10 minutes to get to work/docs" and not thinking "oh must smile at every passerby as their child speaks to mine.

ConfusedInBath · 11/05/2015 19:18

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madreloco · 11/05/2015 19:22

She's under no obligation to smile at you.

Some people really do think the world revolves around them

ApocalypseThen · 11/05/2015 19:24

Apocalypse - I don't know, I had assumed it was manners to acknowledge someone you recognise who's the parent of a friend of your child, maybe I'm wrong?

Well it's certainly pressure I wouldn't need, to be honest. I just go to drop the kid off, I'm not looking for friends and I'm sure I don't actually recognize half the parents and I'd say they care about as much as I do about who salutes me.

nickersinaknot · 11/05/2015 19:30

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Original poster

ShootPeppaPig · 11/05/2015 19:32

I suppose my point - in posting this, was to firstly hope to be persuaded that there was a reason other than her simply not liking me based on my current appearance (because that's all I was able to think of and it compounded an issue I already have with my own appearance being very lacking in confidence) as some have said she may have just been in her own world etc, obviously I didn't consider that whilst feeling hurt by it immediately afterwards.

And secondly - it made me feel shit. AlBU is where most come to vent. It's an outlet and offers a variety of insights - I couldn't understand her behaviour because I wouldn't do it myself and didn't expect most people to think it was fine to do it to people - I'm learning some people do. So yes, perhaps it had nothing to do with me and she simply believes it's not rude in the first place. I'll feel less shit if I believe that too.

OP posts:

ConfusedInBath · 11/05/2015 19:34

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geekymommy · 11/05/2015 19:35

There are people who have trouble recognizing faces, a condition called prosopagnosia. I haven't been formally diagnosed, but I suspect I may have it to some degree. It takes me a long time to start recognizing most people, especially if I see them infrequently. It helps me if someone dresses distinctively, or if they have a distinctive appearance. If someone changes their dress or hairstyle a lot, and doesn't have something like unusually coloured hair, though, I'm pretty hopeless at recognizing them.

I'm also very much not a morning person. Some of us aren't. When I drop DD (almost 3) off at preschool, I've just been through one of the more trying parts of my day- trying to get DD to eat breakfast (getting her to eat or sleep are the most challenging parts of my day). Right now I'm also pregnant, which means that some mornings I'm also trying to get through drop-off without losing my breakfast. Sometimes that does mean beating a rather hasty retreat.

Original poster

ShootPeppaPig · 11/05/2015 19:45

I would automatically smile back at pretty much anyone who smiled at me, often for the very reason that Id be trying to figure out who they were and where I knew them from though

I'm not expecting her to chat or and hang around for niceties during the drop off/collect, until this today it hadn't really occurred to me that she may not like me

In another setting when we randomly bump into each other, if I have smiled not once, but twice because we have walked by each other not once but twice and each time she ignores me... I found that offensive. I really didn't expect it the second time around (minutes later). It was easy to excuse the first, much harder the second time...

OP posts:

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