AIBU to ask not to split it?

[miffy22]

DH & I went out for dinner with a big group of friends...everyone drinking alcohol - and lots of it - apart from me as I was driving & just drank tap water all evening. When the bill came everyone was asked to pay the same - AIBU that I asked not to pay that much as I hadn't had anything to drink and they'd had a lot?!

Have had some terrible instances of this over the years (the worst being when I joined some friends at a leaving do and had two glasses of wine but somehow got caught up in the bill spilt and ended up paying £60!!!! I didn't know most people there and everyone was pissed so I didn't speak up) so now I make a point of asking how bill is being split beforehand.... unless its my usual friendship group and we always split evenly but we all tend to eat and drink the same lots

It's really just a matter of having a little consideration for others and some semblance of good manners.

If DH and I go out for dinner with other couples, we usually split the bill, even though DH rarely drinks and some of our friends drink rather more. However, we can afford it, don't do it that often and 'pay' as much for the company and occasion as anything else.

If I go out with some friends on my own, we'll either pay for our drinks individually and split the food bill, pay our own entirely, or split entirely. It's worked out by noticing if a friend is off the booze that night, or eating less, or if we all eat/drink roughly the same. And if someone asks at the beginning to do separate bills (rare these days, as everyone knows we'll do it fairly) then that's no problem. Everyone there is there because their company is wanted and we'd hate for them to decline an invitation because they were a bit short on funds.

There is no shame in asking for separate bills, but you can always ask the waiter/waitress if you prefer. Most can open up a separate tab for you.

I once went to a hen night dinner that I had tried to politely get out to, on the basis that I was really skint. But the bride took it personally, so I went and before we ordered, I asked if it would be ok to split the wine bill separately since I wouldn't be drinking. The wine bill amounted to £40 per head!

With my friends the bill is always split.But if someone isn't drinking we knock money off. We don't go through the bill and work it out exactly,nor are we expected to, but it would be very unfair to ask someone who wasn't drinking to pay for others alcohol.
So, if the bill was £50ph, we would only ask the non drinker to pay £25.

We split food and do drinks seperately if there are drivers not drinking. Usually the driver is also expected to ferry people to and from so it doesn't seem fair to also make them pay more for booze. Nobody minds if their meal was £3 cheaper or whatever but wouldn't want to subsidise heavily inflated bottles of wine.

I once had a 'friend' who was terrible with money. Lived off credit cards and drank a staggering amount of booze (I can put away 2-3 glasses on a weekend but she and her H would easily get through:

• a create of beer
• 3 bottles of red wine
• 1 bottle of port
• 1 bottle of gin

on an average weekend - it was part of her weekly shop.

We always split the bill equally even though I'd often drive, however after a while it began to grate when my bill was 20 quid yet it would cost me 50 because of their drinking. So, one day I said - I'm only on tap water tonight, you don't mind if I just pay for my own do you.

Turns out they did. Apparently I was tight, mean and all the other names under the sun. And all this after I'd spent years supplementing their ridiculous lifestyle.

I don't see them any more. And I'm better off financially, emotionally and I'm healthier. I don't miss those days, I was a mug

I do get where ramanoop is coming from tbh as there's nothing worse than someone getting their calculator out at the end of the meal.

Why would you need a calculator? It's not that hard to work out what you've had. Our group pay for their own plus tip, and it hardly takes any time at all to work it out. We round up to nearest £1, don't bother with pennies. No maths degree required

Richest/greediest should suggest paying one's own. Only the poorest/soberest/least hungry should suggest splitting.

Where possible, go somewhere with a price per head - which doesn't need to mean grotty - if you want to split the bill.

It's hard when you sometimes have to order without a price list, eg someone says "can you bring some more wine, but red this time, maybe a Shiraz".

If in doubt, and with repeat offenders, go to the loo and settle your part of the bill on your way back - be honest, find all your drinks and food including the bread you didn't realise wasn't included, and that coffee that hasn't arrived yet.

I think it depends on who you are going out with. I have 3 close friends whom I've known since we were children and we go out to eat every couple of months. We never quibble over the odd glass of wine or who had a dessert but we are close enough to know that a.) it balances out and b.) we would never screw anyone else over. Two of the four of us like wine with their meals and without fail, they always offer to pay separately. The other two of us wave it away but their offer shows that they are not freeloading. I'm happy to pay for my best friend's glass of wine in this case but I'd not be thrilled to pay for my husband's acquaintance's wife's 3 glasses of wine and lobster and caviar if I've had a chicken burger and coke. Exaggerating but you see where I'm going with this...?!

It depends. If everyone is eating and drinking roughly the same then spilt. If someone isn't drinking or is having one course compared to two or three then find. But the pp who was wittering about two "small glasses of wine" that's tight mad trying to calculate what that costs!! Plus side drinks and coffee do cost too so non-drinkers need to keep an eye on that.

yanbu

Our group are 'splitters with adjustments for drinks'.

Usual format:
Get bill.
Knock £20 off for Maid to pay as she forced us to buy something from the bottom of the wine list.
Split remaining between all parties and add tip.
Throw a tenner back at the non-drinker.
Check there's enough tip.

" pp who was wittering about two "small glasses of wine" "

Yeah that was me and no its not tight to not want to split evenly when I have 2 glasses of wine yet 2 people had 3 bottles between them. It's hardly anywhere near equal.