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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask not to split it?

63 replies

miffy22 · 10/05/2015 21:33

DH & I went out for dinner with a big group of friends...everyone drinking alcohol - and lots of it - apart from me as I was driving & just drank tap water all evening. When the bill came everyone was asked to pay the same - AIBU that I asked not to pay that much as I hadn't had anything to drink and they'd had a lot?!

OP posts:

wooldonor · 10/05/2015 22:37

This happened to me last week, I wasn't drinking and wasn't included in the drinks bill but the food was split equally even though not everyone had a dessert and one person had a meal that cost over twice as much as some of the others.

I couldn't really afford to subsidise others but would have felt uncomfortable to have spoken up, one person did mention that someone had a very expensive meal, that person then said very loudly that they were happy with an equal split, yes of course she was

Original poster

miffy22 · 10/05/2015 22:38

They were ok about it and no complicated calcs done, they just took some off mine to account for the drinks. I really asked not to pay for drink as everyone's food had cost about the same (everyone had same number of courses and prices about the same for everything) but they had tons of alcohol and we're trying to save at the moment...a lot of you are right though, I probably should have mentioned it at the start, so will do in future if it looks like being a really boozy one.

OP posts:

Morelikeguidelines · 10/05/2015 22:41

ramanoop why are you such a freeloader then? Where does your sense of entitlement for other people to pay for your drink come from?

It's people like you who would usually not get invited back, I imagine.

VelvetRose · 10/05/2015 22:43

I'm really surprised that anyone would say yabu here op. Crikey, if you're with a big group who have ordered bottle after bottle of wine and you've had none, why on earth should you pay?! I think it's incredibly rude of the others not to spot this and say something so that you didn't have to.

Original poster

miffy22 · 10/05/2015 22:43

I think ever since a night out in London a while back where I was the only one not drinking as had to drive back to the sticks & ended up paying £60 for a £15 burger and a coke as they all were happy to split the bill and I didn't feel I could say anything, I've been more aware of it!

OP posts:

Morelikeguidelines · 10/05/2015 22:46

Ps I agree with most pps that it is normal not to worry about who had a starter/pudding/cheaper food (in most instances) but to remember to leave any non-drinkers out of the drinks bill. Only fair as booze has such a massive mark up.

(PS went out last night and was one of the drinkers, but who didn't have pudding. We calculated what the person not drinking had had and she paid that, and then we split the rest).

Original poster

miffy22 · 10/05/2015 22:46

The reason I asked AIBU is I spoke to two friends who weren't there and one was horrified I'd asked not to do an equal split and it's been playing on my mind.

OP posts:

comedancing · 10/05/2015 22:47

Think if you're not drinking at all you definitely shouldn't pay for drinks but if ye order a few bottles of wine for the table and you drink two glasses and someone else drinks three ye should all pay equally. The wine was there..you could have it whenever you wanted..and choose not too. I would find that petty and l speak as the one who drinks least in gang when we go out.

MilesHuntsWig · 10/05/2015 22:47

Tiredbutfine... My approach too as a booze loving vegan!

VelvetRose · 10/05/2015 22:49

Honestly, don't worry about it. I think you were absolutely right to say it.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2015 22:50

Yanbu.
Whoever split the bill should have spotted you were to pay less. It's really not fair to put you in the awkward position of having to ask. Because, then ironically you're the one who looks stingy when in fact the exact opposite is true - they are for wanting you to sub them.

CaptainAnkles · 10/05/2015 22:51

I've never understood why anyone would think it was fair to split the bill equally. It's not tightfisted or unreasonable for everyone to just pay for what they've had, and for everyone to chip in a bit each for the tip.

chlo95 · 10/05/2015 22:51

YANBU! Went out for a meal last week with a few friends from work and one of the girls got slaughtered, we all had 3 courses but I was driving so had 2 diet cokes, she had 8 vodka cokes, on the Bill they came to £45 and just expected us to split it ??

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz1234 · 10/05/2015 22:51

Y were nbu. Of course it's ok to say that you don't want to pay for other people's food or drink.

In my friendship groups no one would mind if this happened.

I got shafted once many years ago and I still kick myself for not saying anything. I was young and didn't want to seem to be being 'mean'. Ha! No chance of it happening again. It's got nothing to do with being skint either it's more that I don't want to pay for other people unless I am treating them.

OwlinaTree · 10/05/2015 22:56

I always go with split the food equally if you've all had about the same. Split the drinks bill between the drinkers. Non drinkers just pay for food. Suggest that next time.

Scholes34 · 10/05/2015 22:59

When I lived in Germany, the waiter would come to the table at the end of the meal and ask our big group if we wanted to pay separately or altogether. It helps that they give the option of small individual jugs of wine, rather than just a glass or full bottle.. And the Germans were always honest about what they'd had to eat and drink.

BackforGood · 10/05/2015 23:05

ramanoop I think your posts say more about your freeloading / taking advantage of others and the rather odd attitude of your friends than anything else.

Of course it's not unreasonable for anyone to not have to split the bill with a load of heavy drinkers.
If you always go out with the same 2 couples or the same gang of mates and take turns to drive, then fair enough - it will balance out over time, but if it's an occasional group thing, or if some people always drink a lot more than others, then people should pay their fair share. Perfectly feasible without getting too picky about the 'pence' - how hard can it be to know how much you've spent ?

cerealqueen · 10/05/2015 23:08

YANBU. Say at the beginning, work out what yours cost while you still have the menu to hand, add on service and sorted.

Hopefully you won't have some clever sod saying, but you had a coffee and a desert and I didn't .....

I remember my first ever group meal out, I was quite broke so had the cheapest option of everything and one beer while bottles of wine were being consumed. I didn't know about splitting bills and assumed I'd pay for what I had. I was so green! I was also fleeced.

SJBean · 10/05/2015 23:10

I do get where ramanoop is coming from tbh as there's nothing worse than someone getting their calculator out at the end of the meal. In our group most of us have been pregnant or driving at some point over the years so it usually evens out overall if we split equally.

I understand if there's a permanent teetotaller though their meal should be paid for separately.

I have been I the situation several times though for one reason or another (forgetting the tip etc) when the bill has been divided up according to who had what there is never enough at the end. So embarrassing! And it's always the same ones who end up having to put in the extra...

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/05/2015 23:10

This is one of the times where a maths degree comes in very handy! I can do a "split with adjustments" in my head quicker than the average person can find their phone to do a basic split.

("Right the basic main comes to about £15 a head except for Susie who had pasta so only pays £8 and me who had steak so I'll pay £18. Drinkers add on £8, soft drinkers £3. An extra £4 if you had a starter or a pudding. Plus a couple of quid each for a tip. Everyone happy?")

I'm very popular at group meals!

Eversobusyeveryday · 10/05/2015 23:17

We never ever pay for just what we have eaten,mew just split th bill equally. I think it's fine to have a separate drinks bill but we choose where we eat according to the people we are with, a pizza pasta place if we are on a budget and something more fancy if not. My husband actually refuses to go out with one couple who literally work out how many olives they have eaten from a bowl and who always have to leave early leaving their money on the table. Without fail we end up paying extra. They are the only people we know who do this, everyone else splits without discussion.

OrangeVase · 10/05/2015 23:25

As everyone says - it depends. If there is a huge difference and it is a group you don't know well - then YANBU - but say something before you start.

(We have all had that horrible situation where the bill comes to £60 and you know you had pasta and tap water...... and you can't say anything....)

In friendship groups it usually works out - I am veggie and rarely drink lots when out but other friends entertain more at home than I do - and I accept their hospitality without reciprocating so don't mind if I subsidise the odd glass of wine.

I hate those who smugly refuse to pay for drinks and put in £8.50 for pasta, forgetting tip, bread, coffee, bottle of mineral water on the table and that someone else did all the organisation and gave them a lift to the restaurant in the first place!

NolanThorne · 10/05/2015 23:26

YANBU.

Mistigri · 11/05/2015 07:33

Heavy drinkers are IME always happy to let non-drinkers subsidise their drinking habits. I can afford to do so, but as a light drinker I refuse to do so.

I'd either expect everyone to pay for what they had (fairest if some members of the party are on a low income) or to ask for separate bills for food and drink, and split the booze bill between the drinkers.

You do have to agree this in so advance though, or be prepared to argue with drunks at 11pm.

Morelikeguidelines · 11/05/2015 07:33

Yes of course there are lots of situations where it is appropriate just to split it, and many examples have been given, such as taking turns to drive etc

But it is hugely u for people to sit quaffing back huge quantities of wine and then expecting someone who has had one glass of water to pay for it.

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