Can't decide whether to go on a "trip of a lifetime" with a toddler and a preschooler?

[ReluctantTraveller]

I've namechanged as this would totally out me and I'm not entirely certain DP doesn't spy on me on here. Hello DP if you're reading. Yes, I'm really asking MN about this as I just don't know what to do!

So, we have an opportunity to go away for 6 weeks at Christmas to Australia and NZ where we would visit lots of friends who have moved over there. Some of whom we haven't seen for for a few years and who have had (and are having!) babies. We'd be planning to go to Sydney then fly on to NZ and travel around to visit various people and hopefully spend Christmas with as many as possible. All sounds amazing and its an incredible opportunity...

However, we have two DC who will be nearly 4 and just shy of 2 and I'm just terrified that it will be a disaster and I will spend the whole time wishing we were back at home. There will be 4 x 12 hr plus flights to be got through and I find even a 2 hour flight exhausting with a toddler who won't sit still. Plus all the travelling to/from and waiting around in airports. They are both dreadful sleepers and tend to be even worse away from home. They won't have many of their toys to play with and there will be a lot of driving around - DC2 HATES the car and tends to scream the whole time. The time changes will be horrendous to deal with. We'll have to lug so much stuff around with us.

I'm also the one who is responsible for sorting out food (planning, buying, cooking and clearing up) and sleeps etc and I know that they are both very difficult when they are overtired which is an inevitable result. DP tends to find this as "bad behaviour" whereas I am more understanding and reluctant to discipline. This tends to lead to arguments.

I also feel horribly guilty about being away at Christmas as I had previously invited PiL and my DF to come to us. MiL has always been away at Christmas before and been very sorry to miss out (although her choice!) and I know she is very excited about being around this year.

It will cost an eye-watering amount of money - especially as we'll still have to pay for childcare etc that we won't be using and I'm terrified that it will be a huge waste as everyone will be miserable and arguing!

But it is probably the only opportunity we have to do this as a family. DC1 starts school the following September and DPs work is busy during the summer break. I'd love for us to do something like this as a family as DP has never spent anything like this much time with the DC and I think it would be good for everyone (and possibly a bit of an eye-opener for DP!). I just wish it could be closer to home and not over Christmas. On the other hand, my best friend is going to have a baby in the autumn and it would be amazing to see her and our other friends.

I just really don't know what to do so please, please give me your opinions/advice/travelling tips whatever! I'm really sorry if this sounds like a stealth boast, it isn't intended and I don't mean to come across as a spoilt brat - I know it sounds a bit like it - "oh poor me having to go on an amazing holiday blah blah!"

Thanks in advance (I'm a bit scared in case you can't tell!)

I wouldn't do it. It sounds horrendous.just the thought with my 2 is giving me palpitations.

When ds1 was 1 we went to Canada for 6 months. He never adjusted to the time difference in the whole time we were there and slept 12-2am every night. When we came back it took 3 months for him to adjust back.

Ours are 9 months and 2.8 and we have decided that any holiday abroad is totally off the table till they are over 5. Such a waste of money to be miserable. Last year we went to Spain and I cried almost everyday. £2k for 10 days of hell. I was really angry with myself for getting seduced into the idea. Everywhere we went had major hazards, ds1 was over excited/stimulated, we couldn't eat in restaurants, go for a drink, even sit on the beach. There was no relaxing at all. I felt exhausted when we got home.

I say go for it. We took dd1 to Canada when she was one and were pleasantly surprised. The flight was fine. Jet lag was more of a problem, but now we would take our gro clocks! We have booked to go again this Christmas (family there) with a 2yoand 3.8yo. Probably be easier as dd2 needs her own seat then, but they do entertain each other to a large extent. My recommendation would be to take some of those fruit pouches for them to suck on if their ears hurt. Tbh long haul has been better than our more recent experiences of short haul charter flights! We are also going to the Caribbean soon before dd2 turns 2 and I would say look at the airlines as different ones do different baby seats- most only do sky cots for up to six months, but ba have a toddler seat for up to two year s that fixes to the cot points like a car seat and gets them off your lap. Look carefully. Also, when is the younger one turning two, is it before you come back? If you can time it right some airlines give you a free seat on the return journey if they were still an infant on the outbound!

Nz, the campsites do often have lovely little cabins you can rent. Nicer than a backpackers and more privacy, perhaps? If hiring a car I would take a travel cot just in case so you don't have to splash out on more expensive hotels to get one!

Good luck, I would say go for it, as if you don't go before school age it will be much more hassle and cost later. I am literally shocked at the price changes in July!

Oh and try airbnb for accommodation- we don't want to stay with family at Christmas as already overcrowded but found amazing places to rent near by.

We did a long haul trip when the kids were 4 and 2. And it was in the days before ipads. Apart from DS2 standing up in his seat (he had his own seat) 20 minutes into the flight, gathering up all his toys and announcing loudly 'me go home now' it was fine.

We were away for 2 months and we rented a house so had a base. When we did do road trips it was as if we were starting out from home so it made it seem easier iyswim. The kids slept in a double bed together which might solve the bed guard issue?

Sure they don't really remember the trip but we do and some of the things they said/reactions to what they saw have passed into family folklore. And they love looking at the photos.

Go

As you say it's a trip of a lifetime that you are unlikely to ever do in the future or not for many years

Downside it could be tiring upside it could be every bit as wonderful and what you hope it will be either way you will come back with some amazing memories. When will you as a family get to spend that time together.

When you are over there travel about less see those who are most important to you and take time to relax. When flying be super organised, there is non stop entertainment and games for the children you will not need to take too on the plans with you

I have travelled with ds alone from when he was 9 months, to the us, various holidays and to Australia when he was 4. Thankfully he had always been a very good traveller. Then we went up to Scotland I thought he would love to go by train as he had never travelled long distance by train. How wrong could I be. Point being your children may surprise you and even if they don't you will enjoy dome parts of the trip and these are the wonderful memories you will hold on to

Go you will not regret going (you may at some point during your time away think why did I bother) but you will always always regret it if you do not go

We've just travelled from London to NZ with a 6 month old and a 4 year old, flights were pretty good but really is pot luck. We stopped for 24 hrs in LA and got a room with a pool, went to Huntington Beach and a diner then got a night flight. Jet lag lasted a couple of days but kids are remarkably resilient (although 4 year old fell asleep playing on the floor) it's the flight back I'm dreading as youngest son will be nearly not and is now a very fast crawler. I would say do it, it's beautiful out here and you won't need loads of toys as the beaches and parks are amazing and they will have loads of people to visit. My mum says it's the things you don't do that you regret, be brave!

Nearly one*

Oh and get a sky couch if you can, makes all the difference as little ones can use if like a bed.

I'd do it, but you have to cut down the 'trip of a lifetime' expectations massively.

We're not long back from a 3 week trip to Aus, and I spent so long researching itineraries and planning, till I realised that DS was 9 (so much older than your DCs) and things like 4 days of travelling to get to the red centre just so I could see Uluru was only going to produce a bored, cratchety child.

We cut our plans down hugely (still did too much just at the end) and factored in time going to the park and hanging about the apartment - just being 'normal' instead of frantically filling in each minute - and it was a great trip.

Investigate house-swaps, definitely. You can look for people with DCs your age and go to houses with cots, etc already there.

And look really, really carefully at your budget. We found Australia horrendously expensive. It will be miserable to penny-count for 6 weeks...

We did a similar trip in November 2013 for a family wedding in Australia. Our dd was 3 and ds was 18 months and recovering from heart surgery (given the ok to travel by his cardiologist, I hasten to add).
I was dreading the travel tbh but after the dreadful and stressful time we'd had with ds and his heart problems, we adopted a bit of a 'f*ck it, lif is short, let's just do it' attitude. They coped really well on the flight; took an iPad full of films, Ben and Holly, etc and crayons, paper, little toys. We booked a row of 4 seats close to the bulkhead so kids could sit on the floor and spread out a bit. Yes it's hard work, you won't sleep much. But - it is a day of hard work on the plane for a (hopefully) awesome holiday. I drank a fair amount of wine and napped when I could. Job done. And the jet lag wasn't too bad either.
We stopped in Hong Kong both ways, for 3 hours on the way there but for 3 days on the way back to chill out just us 4 for a while. We have the most amazing memories and the experience was so great for the kids. Not to mention seeing family we otherwise wouldn't see for years.
I would say take a deep breath and go for it.

We took DS to Australia and New Zealand when he was just under four years old. We wanted to go in the Australian summer which obviously ruled out our summer and needed more than the two weeks he'd have been able to get off school at any other time so the decision was made for us really - do it in preschool when he could take time out or not do it until he was much older (or miss school for a month).

He was absolutely fine. He's a TV addict so sat in his seat watching the films and TV for most of the flight (with continual breaks for walks and a bit of a nag to sleep). He didn't suffer from jet lag at all (neither did we which was odd - couldn't tell you why not unfortunately!)

We travelled around New Zealand (most places were one or two nights with a four night stay in Auckland). We took as many of his little toys as we could and bought some cheap ones in 'poundland' type store when we saw them then left them behind when we left for good.

We did economy on the way there as we flew via Hawaii (where we spent a week) and did premium economy on the way back as we knew the flight would be harder.

BUT, our kid is a non fidget child whether he's on a short or long haul, an sleep anywhere and loves being in a car. And we only had one to contend with. Will your youngest have to sit on your lap? If so I'd personally delay it.

The only thing you really need to bear in mind is that it will be harder (in terms of available time) to do when the children are older unless you're happy to go during the Australian winter (our summer holiday) as no school holiday apart from that is long enough.

Whenever you decide to do it I hope you have a brilliant time. It was a holiday we will never forget.

DS will be travelling back to the UK from NZ for the fourth time this summer. He will have just turned 5. It is easier than you think, your husband will be there the whole time - one child each - just don't expect to get much done. The kids need a lot of ordinary time - just hanging out - not being in the car the whole time. Map out where you NEED to go and work around that. Try not to spend less than 5-6 days in one place so that everyone gets chance to chill, get the laundry done, eat out at least once, play. Take a lay-n-go with toys in it and buy cheap stuff when you are there - donate to a charity shop the day before you leave. Don't feel guilty about having the kids watch a lot of rubbish on the iPad (get an iPad or some such that is JUST for them). NZ in summer is great.
Try and stick to the essential routines - but accept that you are on holiday and actually if they are still awake at 9pm its ok. They won't die if they eat rubbish for a while.
Enjoy.

I totally would!

We did 3 weeks aways but only an 8 hour flight with a 5 and just turned 2 year old. We travelled around a lot but took it all at an easy pace. The kids loved every minute and the then 2yo still mentions things that I'm amazed she remembers.

Go for it, but only if your DH steps up his game and you relax a bit on yours before you book. Eg you say they both still yell for me as they're not used to Daddy at night . It took me a while to learn and even longer to teach my DH that "mummy" does not mean"mummy", it's merely shorthand for "oi, caregiver/slave! "