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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just bin DSS's stuff?

27 replies

evmil · 07/05/2015 15:27

DSS1(15), DSS2(14) and DSS3(12) all share a room. As it is shared the rule tends to be that it needs to be relatively clean and tidy. DSS2 is very tidy/organised and doesn't really like mess so DH tells them all they have to keep it clear, everything should be in its place etc. This usually works quite well and is quite tidy.

Anyway, it is currently a tip and has been for 4 days. Its all DSS1's stuff. Clothes, books, gadgets, you name it, he appears to have just dumped everything all over the place. I have DSS2 in my ear about it, asking me to tell DSS1 to tidy it up. I have and he's completely ignored me thus far (no surprises there!)

They have both just got home from school, i have reminded DSS1 to tidy his stuff up and he has just point blank refused to do it. Cue DSS2 having a massive strop because it a mess, he can't find anything, stuff is everywhere. His latest line to me was 'if you want it moved, do it yourself'.

AHH, i am so frigging fed up of the whole bloody thing!

WIBU to just shove everything in to black bag and dump them in front of him?

OP posts:
Original poster
evmil · 07/05/2015 15:28

Oh, and DH is away with work, which is why he isn't here to sort it!

OP posts:
BitchPeas · 07/05/2015 15:30

Put all dss1s stuff in a bin liner out by the bin. If he wants it he can go and get it.

Well that's what I'd do! How do you think he would react?

Andylion · 07/05/2015 15:30

His latest line to me was 'if you want it moved, do it yourself'........WIBU to just shove everything in to black bag and dump them in front of him?

If anyone said that to me, I'd do just that.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 07/05/2015 15:31

Hmm, don't go to the effort of binning his stuff. Can you put him on an internet ban until he does clean up - change the password and only give the new one to the ones who have completed chores for example? I find a lack if internet soon gets things done.

Oswin · 07/05/2015 15:32

Yanbu. I would give him one last half an hour warning then bag it up. My mom used to tell me if its on the floor longer than a few days then its getting thrown away.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 07/05/2015 15:35

I'd take it and hide it and let him panic a bit. Then he would have to earn stuff back.

googoodolly · 07/05/2015 15:38

What's with all the threads about binning DC's things at the moment?!

I would bag it up and lock it in your wardrobe. Tell him when he learns to respect his space, he can have it back. If it was his own room, I would say he can do what he likes, but it's not fair for him to inflict his mess on his brothers.

pantsjustpants · 07/05/2015 15:39

I used to black bag my ds's stuff, works very well!

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 07/05/2015 15:39

Yes, chuck it.

If he cared about his stuff then it would be put away.

Original poster
evmil · 07/05/2015 16:13

Thanks all, just bagged it up, put it in mine and DH's room and told him he can have them when he wants to put it back.

Bagging it up has annoyed me even more as i have discovered exactly what was dumped on his floor i.e. his iPad, his ridiculously overpriced beats headphones and new £90 jumper that DH bought him at the weekend with the tags still on!

Am fuming, I just wish he would look after his frigging stuff, none of the other boys have this problem.

He's sulking now, insisting he doesn't even want the stuff back Hmm

OP posts:
Jackieharris · 07/05/2015 16:22

Really this isn't the end of the world. It is typical, if annoying teenage behaviour.

Go onto some of the 'teenagers dirty bedrooms' threads and see how much worse you could have it.

It's not a crime to be untidy and it's not his fault you don't have enough bedrooms for them to have one each.

If you overreact to something like this you are going to get the Disney stepmother label which is only going to set you both up for real problems later on.

Take a softly softly approach until dp gets back then let him deal with it.

monkeysaymoo · 07/05/2015 16:33

3 teenage boys in one room sound like a nightmare! Is there anyway to create some personal space for your dss2 away from the mess?

Andro · 07/05/2015 16:40

'if you want it moved, do it yourself'.

My response to that would have been "as you wish" and I would have bagged it up...you did the appropriate thing in my opinion.

Shared space needs firmer expectations to be in place for everyone's safety and comfort - its basic good manners and respect. Teens will be teens, but its really not an extreme expectation.

Original poster
evmil · 07/05/2015 16:45

I know the room situation is a bit of a nightmare, which is why me and DH ask the boys to keep it tidy, so that it is pleasant for everyone to share. It is a bit difficult re room situation at the moment. DSS3 did use to have his own bedroom (but still spent a lot of time in the joint one anyway) but we currently have DSS1's friend living with us. He needs his own bedroom (social services requirement) so DSS3 has had to move in with the other two.

DS (4) does have his own room, but i can't see anyway around him sharing, as none of them would share with him (and i don't blame them).

The room itself is quite big (loft conversion) and has been done really nicely, is plenty of storage etc. It just irritates me DSS1 won't keep it clears for his brother.

And Jackie I'm well aware its not that bad. But it is also not fair on DSS2 to have to put up with a tip because his bother is a lazy git. And I'm trying to sort it because if DH finds out that DSS1 has been a pita he is going to blow his top. He is supposed to be on his best behaviour after being in trouble with the police (again!) last weekend.

OP posts:
teatowel · 07/05/2015 16:54

If you are an untidy person (by that I'm not meaning dirty as in unwashed cups and unclean clothes etc) it is actually just as annoying to keep being asked to tidy up as it is for a tidy person to have to live in a mess. Not sure why the tidy persons needs are more important than the untidy ones?

Nanny0gg · 07/05/2015 16:58

Not sure why the tidy persons needs are more important than the untidy ones?

Because untidy is more likely (in this case, I would guess) to be due to laziness or possibly disrespect/making a point.

If the untidiness was just around his bedspace then he could get on with it, but I bet it's not.

shewept · 07/05/2015 16:59

Do they live with you full time?

3 boys are sharing as dss1 has a friend staying and he is still being awful about it?

Why won't anyone share with ds?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/05/2015 17:01

Does it actually matter? So many of these threads todayConfused as long as it's not food up there leave him to it.

maras2 · 07/05/2015 17:05

£90 jumper for a 15 year old ? Shock

shewept · 07/05/2015 17:07

dame obviously it does, why should the other dss live in a mess?

FadedRed123 · 07/05/2015 17:08

Might be slightly off topic but why did DSS1 get new £90 jumper last weekend if he'd been in trouble with Police last weekend? With tags still on - that should have back in the shop Monday morning IMHO. [Hmm]
Somewhat mixed message from DH?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 07/05/2015 17:09

To people who are saying let him get on with it. Would you be happy if you were living a stranger who left shit all over the place. I wouldnt.

So should DSS2 have to put up with it from his own brother.

Op, have you thought of curtains to separate the space?

teatowel · 07/05/2015 17:11

Yes I agree NannyOgg in a shared space you can't be untidy over the whole room but you should be allowed to be untidy in your own space. Perhaps that is a compromise they will have to come to. Or maybe DS4s room will look more tempting to one of them if they continue to disagree. Having had teenage boys, room tidiness is not very high on their agenda of important things in life and I think DS1's attitude is actually more normal than DS2's although I know that is not a very helpful comment!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/05/2015 17:33

Well the jumper needs to go back to the shop for a start.

To those saying he has the right to be tidy or why do the tidy ones have greater need than the untidy - they share a living space! Would you say the same about your partners and your own bedroom? Or maybe you are the slatternly ones?!

teatowel · 07/05/2015 18:07

But why is it the right way of living to be tidy? Some people don't see it like that and why is their opinion wrong? I actually like my house very very tidy, to the point that the untidiness of some members of my family makes me feel quite unwell! However over many years of marriage I have come to realise that other people don't feel like me and I actually have no right to make them constantly tidy to appease me. We have had to all learn to compromise. In the words of a famous song I have had to learn to Let it go and they have curbed their untidy ways.It is not perfect but we are all different. Untidy is different from slatternly- which means dirty and habitual neglect and that is not what the untidy people in my family are like They just don't feel the need to hang coats up or put shoes and bags away. :(