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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please tell me what you think about this letter sent home by DCs school

169 replies

Namechange100000 · 06/05/2015 10:40

Sent to all parents at DCs secondary school:
'Dear Parent/ Guardian/ Carer
As part of our continuing work with schools and other partners, aimed at helping safeguard young people, we would like to take this opportunity to remind you that your children can be at risk whenever they attend parties where alcohol is freely available. Some people with a sexual predatory nature can seek to take advantage whenever they find youngsters who are at all vulnerable in those circumstances. We urge you to remind your children to take reasonable steps and use common sense to keep themselves and their friends safe; and encourage them to talk to you.

This isn't an issue for any one community or area. It can affect all young people, and with summer approaching, and celebrations at the end of the exam period, children are ever keener to get out and about. we thought it would be useful to remind you of some potential risks they could face, alongside the many obvious positive activities and opportunities available to them.
Sincerely

(signed) Chief Inspector X Headteacher Y
'
So, sensible warning, or outrageous victim blaming?

OP posts:
ConnieBaby · 06/05/2015 16:23

Very sensible letter. However, I'd also like it to say, when You're drunk, stay away from open water and sheer drops too. And make more of the 'look out for your friends' bit. But important nonetheless.

hackmum · 06/05/2015 16:37

I do wonder: who's going to read it and think, "Gosh, I hadn't thought of that"?

ConfusedInBath · 06/05/2015 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PesoPenguin · 06/05/2015 17:15

Sensible advice. Knowing how schools work, I'd say this was imfortunately in relation to an incident that has happened either recently or this time last year, which they obviously don't want to mention and this is why there is no mention of the other risks of drinking too much.

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 18:00

Right- here's my take on this letter. First, I think that alcohol is a real worry for those of us who have teenagers, and it's a great thing that the school is addressing it. I wish more would. However, I have issues with this particular letter. The sentence that bothers me is "Some people with a sexual predatory nature can seek to take advantage whenever they find youngsters who are at all vulnerable in those circumstances."

The biggest dangers associated with drink and teenagers are alcohol poisoning, mugging, drowning, road accidents and sexual activity between their peers that they would not have engaged in sober. The only danger the letter is specific about is that from sexual predators - and the strong suggestion is that these predators are "strangers" or people outside the group. This seems to me to be very odd. It is disingenuous to say that this is a warning that applies equally to girls and boys. So basically this is a letter warning girls about "stranger danger". It's an opportunity wasted. Unless there is some specific history in the area that we don't know about.

And no, I don't think straight men are never sexually assaulted or whatever it was I was accused of thinking- i can't be bothered to search back and get the details.

shewept · 06/05/2015 18:27

Hak everyone knows what you think. But most simpley don't agree.

Yes a more rounded danger of drinking might have been good. But that may have already been covered or there maybe a previous incident that has led to this letter.

It isn't disingenuous to say this letter only applies to girls as, nowhere in the letter is gender mentioned.

It's quite frankly bizarre to state that it is definitely aimed at girls and that most people would read it that way.

GetMeFlamed · 06/05/2015 18:27

So Hak you don't think it was a sensible warning then? And it was victim blaming like the OP asked?

Or it just didn't cover all the issues of teenagers and drink?

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 18:36

I don't think it was necessarily victim blaming. In fact I think it skirted round that issue very well. I just think it's odd. It seems very specific. And I don't think it's sensible to focus on one pretty uncommon danger of teenage drinking unless there is a backstory. If you are going to talk about the risk of sexual assault when drunk, linking it to predatory strangers is not sensible.

And it is disingenuous to say that this is a warning aimed equally at boys and girls.

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 18:38

"Hak everyone knows what you think. But most simpley don't agree."

GetMeFlamed asked me to explain my point of view. That's why I set it out specifically.

LaLyra · 06/05/2015 18:54

I think it's a sensible letter. I think the "people with a sexual predatory nature" is a better wording than "strangers" precisely because people are more likely to be assualted by someone they know.

It does no harm to flag it up at this time of year imo and I think it's probably aimed specifically because of something that happened in the past in that area.

ValancyJane · 06/05/2015 19:09

Sensible letter IMO as a teacher, particularly at this time of year as there are always post-exam parties, prom etc where things can get out of hand. Overheard one of my Year 11's (nice girl too) talking about a party she'd had over the weekend, who got with who and who threw up all over themselves etc.

Herblore · 06/05/2015 19:13

Sensible warning albeit with some strange word choices.

Mehitabel6 · 06/05/2015 19:13

I very sensible letter - I can't think why anyone would take exception to it.
It is general and as such fine. I wouldn't expect a general letter to cover absolutely every possibility.

Mehitabel6 · 06/05/2015 19:14

A not I.

Whathaveilost · 06/05/2015 19:17

What do you think OP?
You've posted it and ran!

Personally I think it good.

If I got that letter I would be using it as a conversation starter to my son.
'Hey, have you seen this,what do you think? have you done anything in PSHE about alcohol'

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 06/05/2015 19:52

I'd also like it to say, when You're drunk, stay away from open water and sheer drops too. And make more of the 'look out for your friends' bit. yes I think that teaching the 'harm reduction' message so that young people stick around IF there is a problem to tell emergency services what's been imbibed, and in less extreme situations hang around to make sure that anyone very drunk is safe from harm and delivered home safely. yes .. it may be amusing to all get pissed together but have some basic ground rules that everyone knows where everyone is and how they are getting home, even (god forbid) it means ringing their folks to come get them! I have tried hard to instil in both my boys that whatever happens on a night out they always know where everyone who started the night together is when the night ends, even if they choose to go elsewhere. equally I have instilled in them both the need to think about the risks after a skinful of thinking they are invincible and because we live near a sea, and they have travelled abroad alone, NOT to think that alcohol and water is a good mix except as a drink after each shot! equally that the time to sightsee the local beauty spots with sea cliff views are best done at sober times, not after a night of alcohol

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 06/05/2015 19:54

oh and yes.... a good letter from the school, as long as its teaching backs it up too.

Dieu · 06/05/2015 19:57

FGS, nothing wrong with it

SoldierBear · 06/05/2015 20:01

If you are going to talk about the risk of sexual assault when drunk, linking it to predatory strangers is not sensible.

The letter referred to "people with a sexual predatory nature" - which is a huge difference. In no way can you infer that "people" means "strangers" - that is perverse and illogical

the letter is sensible and straightforward and to be commended.

DoorsAndWater · 06/05/2015 20:13

Sensible advice, nothing I wouldn't talk to my kids about, it is probably in light of child sexual exploitation being such a current issue

Aermingers · 06/05/2015 20:26

So basically we should refuse to talk to our kids about stuff like that because some sort of political philosophy is more important than actually, y'know, stopping kids being raped? Alcohol was a massive factor in the Rotherham and Rochdale cases and it's certainly a grooming tool.

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 20:38

yes, aermingers- that's exactly what I said. Well done- you summarised my views perfectly.

Flyinggeese21 · 06/05/2015 20:47

Agree with whathaveilost, great conversation starter and I'd take the letter as meant in a caring way.

'Victim blaming' gets trotted out too much. OP if you're not sure whether it is victim blaming or not it seems like you're possibly trying too hard to be offended.

LokiBear · 06/05/2015 20:56

Sensible warning. I would bet my bottom dollar that someone at your child's school has been a victim recently. We tend to send out the 'keeping your child safe on line' letter out whenever we have had a child targeted on line. Often it is a police issue but we do as much as we can to make people aware of the dangers.

TrulyTurtles · 06/05/2015 21:04

I agree with poster up thread, sadly I don't think it's come out of nowhere either. I think it's a good letter though. Bet there has been special assemblies and phse about alchohol safety.