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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me what you think about this letter sent home by DCs school

169 replies

Namechange100000 · 06/05/2015 10:40

Sent to all parents at DCs secondary school:
'Dear Parent/ Guardian/ Carer
As part of our continuing work with schools and other partners, aimed at helping safeguard young people, we would like to take this opportunity to remind you that your children can be at risk whenever they attend parties where alcohol is freely available. Some people with a sexual predatory nature can seek to take advantage whenever they find youngsters who are at all vulnerable in those circumstances. We urge you to remind your children to take reasonable steps and use common sense to keep themselves and their friends safe; and encourage them to talk to you.

This isn't an issue for any one community or area. It can affect all young people, and with summer approaching, and celebrations at the end of the exam period, children are ever keener to get out and about. we thought it would be useful to remind you of some potential risks they could face, alongside the many obvious positive activities and opportunities available to them.
Sincerely

(signed) Chief Inspector X Headteacher Y
'
So, sensible warning, or outrageous victim blaming?

OP posts:
Icimoi · 06/05/2015 12:51

I think it is true to say that the letter would be more useful if it also pointed out that drinking makes people, particularly young people, vulnerable in other ways, even if it doesn't list them; teenagers do tend to assume that nothing will ever happen to them.

Some time ago DS' friends called the ambulance for him when he passed out after drinking too much. They alerted me and I went to the hospital where I grovelled to the lovely ambulance man who I felt had much better things to do with his time. He told me that they are regularly picking up young people who have been to parties and clubs who get mugged on the way home, because muggers effectively lie in wait for them as they know they won't put up a fight when they're pissed. That's the sort of thing the letter could also have warned of.

Mrsjayy · 06/05/2015 12:51

The woman a pp mentioned having sex with under age boys isnt that an usual either they make their homes available for drinking and hanging out and take advantage she is a sexual predator Hak

DuelingFanjo · 06/05/2015 13:10

Well, actually we don't know from the OP if it has been applied to both sexes... it could after all be a single sex school.

Jessica2point0 · 06/05/2015 13:17

I'd rather is said "potential criminals" than "people with a predatory nature". That would make it applicable to all crimes rather than highlighting sexual assault / rape.

Mrsjayy · 06/05/2015 13:17

Oh yeah of course it could be a girl school

balletnotlacrosse · 06/05/2015 13:22

Jeeze, schools just can't win. They try to take an interest in the safety and welfare of their pupils and they're either 'victim blaming,' 'interfering' or 'not going far enough with their information'.

DuelingFanjo · 06/05/2015 13:27

The thing is, like all advice given to avoid sexual assault it still doesn't follow that if you are not under the influence of drink/drugs you WILL NOT get raped/Assaulted.

BarbarianMum · 06/05/2015 13:32

Do sexual predators ask your preferences before assaulting you? What about boys that are gay, or female sexual predators (rarer but not unknown)?

I agree that sexual assault is only one of the things that being drunk makes you more vulnerable to but it is a big one.

Mrsjayy · 06/05/2015 13:33

I think we are concentrating to much on 1 thing the letter is mean children should be aware

BarbarianMum · 06/05/2015 13:34

Sorry, I mean "big" as in the effect on your life, rather than "likely to happen".

madreloco · 06/05/2015 13:35

Waste of time, same as all similar stuff from schools.

Sensible parents will be doing it anyway, idiot parents will ignore it.

shewept · 06/05/2015 13:37

There is no suggestion anywhere this letter is aimed at girls.

Even if its a single sex school, its talking about pupils. if they happen to not have male pupils, how and why would they address these no existant males?

Anyone can be sexuality assaulted.

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 13:37

So why not just say "criminals"?

shewept · 06/05/2015 13:40

Hak Why? The letter gets its point across. Why pick over one word.

The word predator does not mean male or imply victims are only female.

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 13:52

Because most people reading that letter will interpret "sexually predatory nature" as meaning men preying on young women. And because it talks about "whenever they find youngsters" it is obviously talking about people outside their peer group. There is actually more risk of rape or sexual assault within the peer group. They have decided to highlight a relatively uncommon potential risk, rather than the raft of more likely ones.

LemonYellowSun · 06/05/2015 13:53

I think its fair enough.

shewept · 06/05/2015 14:00

hak where did you do your survey? Because I don't read it like that. I would call a man or women a predator if the description fitted.

I also don't think where they find youngsters, implies it's outside their peer group. A teenager predator may do something they would not try with an adult. The youngster part, to me is talking about the potential victim.

Hakluyt · 06/05/2015 14:09

Just checking- nobody is actually saying that one of the most significant dangers facing a drunk teenage boy this summer are female sexual predators? Are they?

Skiptonlass · 06/05/2015 14:14

Sensible. Written in plain, unambiguous, factual language.

I have no issue with this.

MNpostingbot · 06/05/2015 14:23

Hakluyt "So you think the warning about "people of a sexually predatory nature" applies to boys as well as girls?"

yes I do, particularly having just read about the Libyan soldiers accused of raping a very drunk young male (older than secondary school age but only just) who had been to a wedding, got very drunk and then was allegedly befriended and then allegedly assaulted by them.

There isn't a female monopoly on this type of attack.

As for the letter, it's excellent, all schools should do it.

MNpostingbot · 06/05/2015 14:30

Hakluyt are you on the windup?

I don't think that the greatest danger facing any young person this summer is sexual predators. But it is a danger and it applies to men as well as female. As for your suggestion that heterosexual males cannot be raped by males because they aren't gay.......? I believe the term round here is "are you on glue"

GetMeFlamed · 06/05/2015 14:37

Hak I get that you're trying to make a point but I'm not sure what it is.

Can you just say whether you think the letter is unreasonable or not and your reasons why.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 06/05/2015 15:11

Very sensible, reasonable sounding letter.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 06/05/2015 16:01

FFS how can people insist that straight men do not get raped by men!! if heterosexual males cannot be raped because they are not gay then there will never have been any lesbians ever raped by a straight man either, right?

The victim's sexuality, has NOTHING to do with the attackers attack.

Mrsjayy · 06/05/2015 16:23

It doesnt say criminals imo because these children that its aimed at are more than likely over 16 having sex with a 16yr old isnt illegal although predadtory behaviour could be there talking advantage of a 16 year old where consent is given isnt illegal that part of the letter was advising that a drunk kid could be taken advantage of and i said before this can happen amongst peers Hak I don't think you are meaning to come over obtuse but god you are hard work .