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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for support to get through the day

52 replies

CheeseDreams · 06/05/2015 09:09

Ok so I know this isn't really an aibu but I just need some nice words to get through the day (and a bit of practice advice)

I have a 3 yo dd and 6 month old ds. I have suffered with depression for 17 years and have been off my medication since I got pregnant with ds (I only lasted till 12 weeks with dd before I had a complete break down and had to stop breast feeding and go back on medication)

I finally went to the doctors yesterday and have been put back on a high dose of anti depressants.

I just want to cry and cry. Dp is away working till the end of the week and I just don't know how to get through the day. Also because of the medication I have to stop breast feeding and so fed my ds for the last time this morning.

I was loving breast feeding and am so sad I have to stop (but know my mental health is more important)

I just need some support to get through the next few days. I can't tell anyone in RL. I just can't do it. I don't feel brave enough.

And also is anyone able to tell me how I have a warm bottle ready for 6am when ds wakes and want feedyng straightaway (he won't take it cold!) everything just feels too hard at the mo

Sorry for the ramble and the fact this isn't really an aibu

OP posts:
SeaMedows · 06/05/2015 09:14

Hello and hugs to you. I'm also suffering from depression at the moment and need to get through the day. I think you've taken a really positive step in posting here - i do find that sharing my feelings helps. Have you had enough to eat and drink this morning? Would you make yourself a cup of tea, perhaps?

ditavonteesed · 06/05/2015 09:15

hand holding, you have not fed your baby for the last time, you can still have those special snuggles when you feed him from a bottle and you can still insist that only you feed him if you want to. That can still be your special thing.

Well done for seeking help when you needed it, that is the hardest thing, look after yourself and do whtever you need to to get through the next few days
Flowers

AndHarry · 06/05/2015 09:17

Right. If you have the money, go out and buy a Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep - it makes up a bottle safely to the perfect temperature in 2 minutes. I have several friends who recommended them. If you don't, treat yourself to some cartons of ready-made formula that you can tip into the bottle and then warm in a bowl of water from the kettle, enough to last you until your DH gets back.

Look up your local children's centre and see what's on today. If there's nothing on, give them a call and say that you need to get out of the house, please could they direct you to the closest stay & play. They are all linked up these days so they can help. Take the kids to the stay & play, let your older one play and let the family worker hold the baby and get you a drink and a biscuit.

Mistigri · 06/05/2015 09:17

I'm sorry you're feeling so low :(

Do you have any friends close by who could hold your hand for a bit?

Re breastfeeding, you've done a marvellous thing for your baby by bf so long and you should feel proud. It may be that stopping bf allows you to get more sleep and helps your overall mental health (I think a lot of post natal depression is worsened or even triggered mainly by fatigue). But if you would really prefer to continue bf, please get specialist advice - many drugs that are theoretically incompatible with BF may actually be OK. My kids are older now so I'm out of touch, but I think it was a charity called the breastfeeding network which used to offer advice on this issue.

maroonedwithfour · 06/05/2015 09:18

Use the ready milk in a carton and bung it in the microwave, shake well.

AndHarry · 06/05/2015 09:18

Sorry to be so direct but I've been where you are now and having a plan that I would force myself to follow was the only way I got through it :)

Original poster
CheeseDreams · 06/05/2015 09:23

Thank you. Your kind word have made me cry!

Getting ready and going to take the kids out.

Will also get some cartons of milk and find out about the machine thing.

Everything just feels like such a struggle

OP posts:
GloGirl · 06/05/2015 09:23

AndHarry has it right.

All journeys start with one foot in front of the other - you will get through it, a little bit at a time Flowers

MsAspreyDiamonds · 06/05/2015 09:24

Don't be hard on yourself Flowers, take each day at a time and break it down into chunks and get through that first.

Is there a reason why you can't share your problems with people in real life? Can you call anyone to come round to give you a bit of company, maybe take your toddler out so you can sleep?

Would going to a park, library or small baby group be too much for you now? Just to get you outside of the house & toddler occupied as being cooped in doors makes it worse sometimes.

Please talk to your health visitor or gp about getting some practical support in place to help you through the next few months.

Sandbrook · 06/05/2015 09:33

Sorry to hear you're struggling.
Wrt to the baby's bottles, I used to fill bottle halfway with hot water the night before, then add other half of hot water when needed and add formula. Means the bottle is ready in 2 minutes.
Minding 2 young dc with no break is hard enough when you are in the full of your health so do not be too hard on yourself.
Try drink plenty of water throughout the day.
Good to hear you can get out of the house, that will help. Plan the dcs meals, use freezer. Anything that will make the day run smoother.
Cuddle your baby as much as you can while your 3 yo is entertained.
Is there any family close by?

Joolsy · 06/05/2015 09:35

I agree with some of the advice, just getting out and about for a walk & seeing other people will help take your mind off it. Just getting some fresh air & exercise every day will lift your mood. Hugs xx

Original poster
CheeseDreams · 06/05/2015 09:39

I've just text my mum (couldn't bring myself to say the words) she is working so my sept dad is coming over to help.

Thank you for making me feel brave enough to tell someone

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/05/2015 09:40

You have done really well. You have coped with health issues whilst caring for your DC. Its OK to put your health first now. You can put Cbeebies on whilst DS has a nap and let your DD watch some TV if you need a bit of downtime. Do the bare minimum to keep you all fed and clean and don't worry about the other stuff if you can't face doing it. Don't rule out online shopping / ready meals/ offers of help - do whatever makes it easier.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/05/2015 09:41

x post
Glad to hear you are getting some practical help and a bit of company

AndHarry · 06/05/2015 09:43

Well done. IME people are very keen to help, they just need to be told what is needed.

itsonlysubterfuge · 06/05/2015 09:44

We kept a bottle of cold, boiled water in the fridge. So for example if you need 200ml of water for the amount of formula, then we would use 100ml of hot, boiled water, add formula, mix up, then add 100 ml of the cold, boiled water from the fridge. That way it's the right temp and you don't have to wait for it to cool down.

Hopefully that makes sense. I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now.

Sandbrook · 06/05/2015 09:44

Well done for ringing your mum.
Nobody is going to look down on you for asking for some help.
Tell your step dad you are struggling, you getting help is the most important thing at the moment.
Please don't feel alone or ashamed. I've struggled with my kids and I've been fortunate not to have ill health.
You're doing great x

Faithless · 06/05/2015 09:45

When my daughter was a baby (18 years ago) a midwife told me that a bottle is best given at room temperature, so I'd take the bottle out of the fridge when I went to bed and feed her from it first thing, without warming it. She always seemed to enjoy it. As I got more confident, I used the microwave to warm bottles from the fridge, making sure I gave the bottle a good shake first. I couldn't breastfeed her and it broke my heart, made me feel very depressed, so I'll offer you these positives in the hope that they help.

Positives about bottle feeding: You can let someone else take over if you feel you need it (you don't have to let someone else do it, but you have the luxury of choice), this could lead to more sleep/ me time, you don't have to worry about having wet patches on your tits when paying for groceries at Tescos (happened to me with DS2), you don't have to go looking for socially acceptable breastfeeding places when out and about, your 3 year old will love to help hold the bottle and "feed" your little ds. I'm sure there's more.
Be kind to yourself, and good luck Flowers

missy81 · 06/05/2015 09:50

Hi op, I have two children exactly the same age as you DD3 and DS 5 months. I was shocked at how much harder it is with two and have been in tears more than once in the last five months so you're not alone in finding it difficult, without suffering with depression too.

With the bottles I sterilise them the night before and fill them all with boiling water to 4oz (my son takes 7oz). I fill a flask with boiling water so the morning bottle can be made up in a few mins. I refill the flask in the morning with boiling water so all the feeds can be made up quickly.

You can also get containers in Mothercare or most supermarkets with separate compartments so you can measure out the powder the night before ready all the feeds the next day, I find this also makes things easier.

I hope all goes well today and you start to feel more positive soon.

Peaceloveandhobnobs · 06/05/2015 09:51

I'm sorry you're feeling so low :( I'm in a similar boat, struggling to get through the day with my 4.5mo and my own MH issues. I'm breastfeeding on Sertraline, and I took it throughout my pregnancy as well. Is this something you've tried and not got on with? Or do you prefer not to take anything whilst pregnant/feeding? I do understand that sometimes the drug that suits you best is unsuitable for feeding.
I bottle fed a mixture of EBM and formula for 2 months, and he has occasional formula now if I can't cope with feeding him myself. It's not the end of the world, and it's rather nice in a way, because the rest of the family can help out and you might feel more like "yourself" again.
The most useful thing anyone ever said to me was: formula is baby food. It is not poison. You are doing the best for your baby by feeding him/her formula when breast milk is unavailable for whatever reason.
Also, you are the only mum your children have ever known, and to them you're doing a fantastic job - they love you so much.

Sandbrook · 06/05/2015 09:58

Totally agree with pp. Your dcs don't realise there is anything wrong with you. All the want is your love and attention. If you can pull that off today the job is done.
Anything else is a bonus

BibbidiBobbidiLou · 06/05/2015 10:12

Take it easy and be gentle on yourself. I've been in a very similar position and it's so tough, but you will get through it.
I have suffered with depression for 15 years and struggled a lot when I came off the ADs in late pregnancy (on medical advice). I thought I was ok and then had a bit of a breakdown when DC1 was 4 months old. I literally thought I wouldn't get through it, was a terrible mother, was a failure etc.
So pleased that you've confided in someone. Are there any friends you can text to say you're having a tough time and would love to see them for a coffee and a chat (you can warn them that you might cry). I know what you mean about it being easier to text - at least they will get the gist of how you're feeling so you don't need to blurt it all out.
Am rushing to get out the door, so hope this makes sense. Didn't want to read and run.
Take care and please PM me if I can help Flowers

LowryFan · 06/05/2015 10:17

Depression is shit. You are fighting it and you are wonderful. Your kids LOVE you. ThanksThanksThanks

lornathewizzard · 06/05/2015 10:23

Just dropping in to say the Perfect Prep machine really is a stress saver if you have the money. Tesco/asda/amazon sometimes have it on offer.
Things will get better Smile

PrincessPilolevuofTONGA · 06/05/2015 10:33

amazon bottle warmer on special offer

Hugs op

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