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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for support to get through the day

52 replies

CheeseDreams · 06/05/2015 09:09

Ok so I know this isn't really an aibu but I just need some nice words to get through the day (and a bit of practice advice)

I have a 3 yo dd and 6 month old ds. I have suffered with depression for 17 years and have been off my medication since I got pregnant with ds (I only lasted till 12 weeks with dd before I had a complete break down and had to stop breast feeding and go back on medication)

I finally went to the doctors yesterday and have been put back on a high dose of anti depressants.

I just want to cry and cry. Dp is away working till the end of the week and I just don't know how to get through the day. Also because of the medication I have to stop breast feeding and so fed my ds for the last time this morning.

I was loving breast feeding and am so sad I have to stop (but know my mental health is more important)

I just need some support to get through the next few days. I can't tell anyone in RL. I just can't do it. I don't feel brave enough.

And also is anyone able to tell me how I have a warm bottle ready for 6am when ds wakes and want feedyng straightaway (he won't take it cold!) everything just feels too hard at the mo

Sorry for the ramble and the fact this isn't really an aibu

OP posts:
Toocold · 06/05/2015 10:33

I was you seven years ago (mine are 7 and 10 now) I can still remember the utter feeling of hopelessness, it will go and you are doing the right thing, I wish then what I know now and that is be kind to yourself, you are doing the best for your children, you sought help that in itself is an amazing achievement. Even a few hours makes a difference at this age, I always tell myself when struggling that in so many hours, days, weeks, months, years etc this will not matter. No one knows or asks or probably even cares whether I managed to breast feed at the age my children are now. I am trying clumsily to say it will get better even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment and you are doing a great job, seeking help proves you are a great mum.

littlejohnnydory · 06/05/2015 10:54

You absolutely don't have to stop breastfeeding to take antidepressants. A previous poster is right that sertraline is the ssri usually recommended. Imipramine is considered the safest tricyclic. But you can breastfeed on the others and even on some mood stabilisers and antipsychotics.

littlejohnnydory · 06/05/2015 11:02

The Breastfeeding Network Drugs in Breastmilk helpline will give you the accurate information: 0844 412 4665.

BifsWif · 06/05/2015 11:34

The perfect prep machine is on offer on Amazon at the moment, ive just ordered one.

Hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

MummaV · 06/05/2015 11:35

Thanks for you. Honestly you have done so well just asking for help. You have recognised the problem and are working to solve it. You can give your kids love and attention, everything else can wait.

The tommee tippee perfect prep machine has been a lifesaver for me and my very inpatient DD. A warm bottle in 2 minutes at any time of the day or night. Its very loud but worth the noise when it stops them screaming for a bottle because they have to wait for it to cool!

Best of luck

Nolim · 06/05/2015 11:40

I havent tried the formula maker achine but agree that cartons of pre made formula are a time saver.
Be kind to yourself op.

Marmiteandjamislush · 06/05/2015 11:46

Hi Op,

Just take everything one task at a time. All of those one steps will build up to a whole day. First question, have you eaten and are you warm enough? It's easy to forget yourself, when you feel low and that makes it worse (speaking from experience here, Flowers

Original poster
CheeseDreams · 06/05/2015 13:28

Hi all,
Just got home. I nearly cried when I was out as someone was nice to me but managed to hold it together and ended up telling my friend everything. She was wonderful and said all the right words.

I have made sure I've eaten and also turned the heating on (as one of you advised to keep warm and eat!)

My step dad is going to bring some ready made cartons of formula over and dinner for me.

I'm still feeling wobbly but not as low as I did this morning (mornings and evening seem to be much worse)

Regarding the medication and breast feeding - I have been advised that I can't take it and breast feed. I have done research and it's seems to be mainly due to lack of research and trials. Whilst from my own research there doesn't seem to be any evidence of long term affect on babies I get very anxious along with the depression and I know that until my medication starts working (in about a month) I will drive myself crazy thinking I am harming my baby. I just know that I will make every rash, bad night and snotty nose he has all my fault. I know that for my own self preservation I need to do one or the other, not both at the same time. I will just end up beating myself up emotionally. I also have self harmed in the past and this feels like it could really trigger that again.

I think I am over dramatising it in my head. I know I won't have anymore children and just keep thinking that I will never ever breast feed again. I know that's the case with everyone at some stage but I just don't have the right chemicals following through my brain at the moment to see it logically.

In fact I can't see anything logically at the mo!

OP posts:
AndHarry · 06/05/2015 14:27

It's great that you now have support from your mum, step-dad and friend. You're on the positive track :)

editthis · 06/05/2015 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Discopanda · 06/05/2015 14:38

Well done for reaching out for help OP, it's hard enough looking after kids even for those without depression! Stay strong x

LollyLondon · 06/05/2015 14:39

Hope you're doing ok. Great advice and ideas from editthis. Am so pleased that you've confided in family and friends. There will always be someone to support you here too.
Are you in London by any chance? Very happy to meet for a coffee and a chat Flowers

editthis · 06/05/2015 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YBR · 06/05/2015 15:20

When you're a little more into the bottle routine, we always did it thus:
Make up a day's worth of bottles [at any convenient time but for us evening] and leave in fridge (formula keeps for 24 hours in fridge).
When bottle is required, boil kettle, fetch bottle from fridge and place in measuring jug or small mixing bowl.
Put hot water in jug/bowl around the outside of the bottle (fill to the same level as the milk), leave on the side (out of 3yo's reach).
Take baby for a nappy change.
Return to find the bottle is the right temperature!

Do check the milk temperature anyway, but it became a fixed routine for us quickly.

If you're going out then the milk will be fine for at least an hour after leaving the fridge - longer if you can put it somewhere insulated. You can take the jug with you, most toddler groups (or coffee shops) will provide hot water for you.

The other thing I want to say is well done for BF so long You've already given your DC a great start. I wasn't able to BF long with DD1, then DD2 refused after I went back to work at about 6mo (I wanted to keep going morning and evening, DD2 disagreed). I found it hard having to stop even in a much easier position than yours. Flowers

Lorgy · 06/05/2015 15:27

Please don't give the breastfeeding a second thought. You have done so well to get this far you deserve a break. I don't have any issues with depression but I have children similar ages to yours and it's incredibly tough especially without your OH about at the moment. Take care x

duplodon · 06/05/2015 15:32

You can also give ready made cartons for a while until you are more settled. I only ever used them, despite their expense, because it was worth it when I was so low/anxious. If it won't cause financial hardship, do this.

Your other option so that you're not mourning bf is to express a bit so when ads kick in and you can think rationally about the risks, you can resume the relationship. You probably should do a bit of this over the next few weeks to prevent mastitis.

I understand where you're at. I felt like this about AD risk in pregnancy and didn't take ADs and it wasn't good for me. I did take ADs from the moment ds2 was born and through to 12 weeks pg with ds3. It is just your mind harassing you.

Original poster
CheeseDreams · 06/05/2015 17:25

You are all so kind and thoughtful! Who would have thought a bunch of strangers on the internet could have had such an impact!

I have been reading your posts and it's making me feel so much stronger.

DP is leaving work and flying home tonight and going to work from home for the rest of the week. This means I will have help in the mornings and for bedtime which is great!

I think I am very good and not asking for help but after reading all your messages I have and the response has been huge! My step dad has just taken the kids for a walk (in the rain bless him!) my mums coming over a bit later with dinner and dp is coming home!! My friend who I told earlier has also been texting lots saying lots of nice things.

I still feel wobbly and a bit scared at facing tomorrow and the next day and the next but I guess I've just got to deal with right now.

When dp gets home I'm going to make him read your messages about formula and make a plan. My head feels so foggy at the mo it's like I can't make sense of how to make it work (my fault not that your posts don't make sense!)

OP posts:
madmomma · 06/05/2015 18:04

Holding your hand cheese and sending you love and strength.

I've been where you are and it's like walking through treacle trying to get through the day, and then groundhog day the next day...

Keep talking to anyone who'll listen. You must keep asking for support - people who love you will want to help. And you will get brighter and stronger every week.

It'll all come good xxx

AndHarry · 06/05/2015 18:35

I'm so glad this thread has helped you get RL support, it makes such a huge difference to have loving family and friends on your side.

For the first year of DS' life until I went back to work I had a spreadsheet of exactly what I was doing each day. I had one activity in the morning and one in the afternoon and made sure I went every single time. It got me through because I didn't have to think on my really bad days, I just had to follow the plan.

Buttermilly · 06/05/2015 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeaMedows · 06/05/2015 21:04

Love your thinking, AndHarry - I thought I was the only person nuts enough to create a spreadsheet of activites to help with me depression!

AndHarry · 06/05/2015 21:47
MsAspreyDiamonds · 07/05/2015 05:39

Cheese fabulous, well done for reaching out and you don't have to face this alone. So many people would love to help you so just ask whenever you feel the need.

Speak to your hv about getting in touch with a family respite volunteer in to help for a few hours each week. My hv mentioned the name of a specific charity who do this but I can't remember their name. I do know that the CSV run a similar service so contact them to find out if there are any in your area. You might have to be referred by your hv or go so it's worth talking to them about it.

volunteeringmatters.org.uk/volunteering-matters/families/

Peaceloveandhobnobs · 07/05/2015 07:42

Homestart msasorey?

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