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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed - manager spreading rumours!

37 replies

TRexingInAsda · 06/05/2015 07:34

There was a recent managers' do, and a manager (not mine) was telling the other managers that I've told him I want to have sex with him (I haven't and don't). He also told them all I keep a list of people at work that I want to have sex with - wtf?! Nobody there is very attractive, I don't want to have sex with any of them, but if I did I wouldn't write a bloody list about it. They were out in the town I live and work in, and were seen/heard by people who told me about it.

AIBU to be bloody annoyed and confused? What do I do? I want to confront him, but what's the point - he knows it's not true, it's more the people he was telling that I want him to tell it's not true - otherwise they'll all believe it and tell everyone else, and this is exactly how rumours start. I'd also fucking love to know exactly who they thought would be on a fucking list of people I want to shag there - as fucking if! I will be biting my tongue at work today. Hopefully!

OP posts:
Hissy · 06/05/2015 07:36

HR TODAY!

Ask their advice

however · 06/05/2015 07:38

Easy, report him for harassment.

ivykaty44 · 06/05/2015 07:38

Seen heard by people? Who told you all this nonsense, were they shit stirring ? How do you know its true?

Sounds like a load of rubbish, just ignore it

however · 06/05/2015 07:39

Why on earth should she ignore it???

If he didn't start the rumour, someone did, and they should be reported for it!

LadyOrangutan · 06/05/2015 07:39

Do not ignore it.
Go to see HR.
If it is the Mgr, he should be dealt with. If it is other people making it up then they should be dealt with for lying about him and in turn lying about you.

Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 06/05/2015 07:41

ivy I knew someone would say that - if I read this, that'd be my response too. But more than one person heard and told me and I 100% believe them.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 06/05/2015 07:42

I too would go to HR about this. How unprofessional of him.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/05/2015 07:43

Do you have a HR department? If so I'd go to them. If not, I'd go to his boss. Stay calm and factual. Miss out the fact they're all unattractive.

kissmethere · 06/05/2015 08:02

He probably wishes you'd have sex with him! Nip this in the bud and report him you have good grounds and witnesses.

londonrach · 06/05/2015 08:03

Report rumour to hr and let them deal with it. Not sure if you being told a lie by someone or not. However not you problem to sort. The person telling you the lies or the managers sexual harassment, which is very serious if true. Just report the facts you heard to hr from who and let them deal with it. Make sure you get them to report back to you.

ilovesooty · 06/05/2015 08:06

Report it to HR in writing and keep a copy.

londonrach · 06/05/2015 08:07

Good point ilovesooty. Paper trail!

Charlesroi · 06/05/2015 08:35

Agree you should put it in writing. Either someone is shit-stirring, or this loser actually said this. You can't afford to let it go.

ivykaty44 · 06/05/2015 08:42

You have no evidence that this happened, it didn't happen at work. So you write to hr and what do you expect them to do without evidence?

Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 06/05/2015 08:45

Good point ivy, I can see them asking him, he'll deny it, and I'll be down as a trouble maker.

OP posts:
redexpat · 06/05/2015 08:46

Agree you should put it in writing. Either someone is shit-stirring, or this loser actually said this. You can't afford to let it go.

Ditto.

WhitePhantom · 06/05/2015 08:51

Are the people who heard it willing to come and talk to your hr to verify that it's true? I'd check that before reporting it, as it would add a lot of weight to your report if they are, but would lose you a lot of credibility if they're not.

ilovesooty · 06/05/2015 08:52

The very fact he's been reported puts him on HR's radar and they will at least have to investigate. I think you may well have to give the names of the people who gave you this information though. Was this "managers' do" a work event?

FlaviaAlbia · 06/05/2015 08:54

You've been told by different people, so unless they're all willing to lie and risk their jobs covering for him, they'll back you up to HR. I don't think you can just dismiss this, if he gets worse later you'll have to report it and they'll ask why you didn't before. If you report now you'll at the very least have a record of this with HR.

My HR would definitely take action because we have to follow the work code of conduct at work events as well as when we're in work.

SeaUnicorns · 06/05/2015 08:55

Yes but their also very likely to ask the other managers that were there, because otherwise yes it would be his word against yours. HR have to be more thorough than that.

Now there's every chance people are shit stirring, I'm afraid though that wouldn't be my first reaction. Some one is accused of making a sexual comment towards you, that is harressment even if he thought it was just a joke and he thought it was a joke and indeed the other managers thought it was.

Report it, start a paper trail.

Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 06/05/2015 08:58

The people can't come and act as witness. [Message edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

OP posts:
TRexingInAsda · 06/05/2015 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 06/05/2015 09:02

I'd give the names of the other managers who were there to HR. If they're prepared to lie that's up to them but if his behaviour continues they'll be in trouble if those lies are later uncovered. In my company collusion makes you equally guilty.

SeaUnicorns · 06/05/2015 09:02

then wouldn't they be risking their jobs by lying?! Every single one of them would risk their job would they?!

if this is true, I'm willing to bet at least one of them would have the common sense not to lie.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/05/2015 09:05

Spreading rumours that you want to have sex with him to me is a form of indirect harrassment.
The idiot should be so flattered and lucky.

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