to be annoyed - manager spreading rumours!

[TRexingInAsda]

There was a recent managers' do, and a manager (not mine) was telling the other managers that I've told him I want to have sex with him (I haven't and don't). He also told them all I keep a list of people at work that I want to have sex with - wtf?! Nobody there is very attractive, I don't want to have sex with any of them, but if I did I wouldn't write a bloody list about it. They were out in the town I live and work in, and were seen/heard by people who told me about it.

AIBU to be bloody annoyed and confused? What do I do? I want to confront him, but what's the point - he knows it's not true, it's more the people he was telling that I want him to tell it's not true - otherwise they'll all believe it and tell everyone else, and this is exactly how rumours start. I'd also fucking love to know exactly who they thought would be on a fucking list of people I want to shag there - as fucking if! I will be biting my tongue at work today. Hopefully!

I agree SeaUnicorns

Just report it to HR and acknowledged in your report to HR that you recognise that it could either have happened or be shit stirring.

It is sexual harassment, it contributes to a culture of harassment.
Anyone in a managerial position ought to know better.

Yes, report it to HR (in writing) but stick scrupulously to what you know and make it clear that you heard this second-hand.

if you said the same thing at a managers do or stuff like he has a small penis (he probably does...) then you'd be the one up for indirect harassment.

Do not whatever you do confront him, just get this put down in writing as a record.

You could see an employment solicitor about this.

what do you want to happen to him? a warning, be spoken to, or nothing? if you want to go down a route where you take action and he's disciplined then ultimately there should be an investigation into this...

He's said this at a managers do - was this in a pub, being paid for by company - did the other managers hear and if so would this impact on your future career if your manager heard? Read your company manual on this too, how long have you worked there?

It's harassment and slander. I would definitely email a complaint to HR>

I have been through something similar, OP. I did nothing about it and I bitterly regret it now. A senior manager was spreading bullshit rumours about me and I let it go, despite having several reliable witnesses and working in a company where it would have been effectively and fairly dealt with.

I still regret keeping my mouth shut and letting that prick get away with it.

Was he definitely talking about you? Are you the only person at your office with your first name?

This is from the CAB - you have been the victim of unwanted comments of a sexual, it is humiliating and degrading to you.

"Sexual harassment at work
You are protected by law against sexual harassment at work. This includes both men and women. Sexual harassment could include:
• unwelcome comments of a sexual nature
• unnecessary touching or unwanted physical contact
• leering at someone's body
• displaying offensive material such as posters
• sending offensive e-mails. This includes colleagues downloading pornographic e-mails, even if they aren't sent to you personally.
law protects you against sexual harassment from your employer, colleagues and, if the act took place before 1 October 2013, third parties, for example, customers. Sexual harassment could be a one-off incident or a series of incidents. It could be sexual harassment if you are working in an environment which the behaviour of others makes intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive.
Sexual harassment might be deliberate or nasty but it doesn't have to be. Someone could be sexually harassing you, even if they don't mean to, or don't realise they are doing it. This doesn't mean that it isn't wrong or that you shouldn't report it."

Thanks everyone. He was definitely talking about me. I've calmed down since this morning - I was really shocked and really fucked off about it, but now I feel a bit more 'meh' about it. I don't want anything to happen to him - to be fair people say a lot of shit while drunk, but I'd like him to know that I know, iyswim, I think he'd be embarrassed, and he should be! My only concern is the other managers believing him, which, on reflection, is probably unlikely, and if they do they're as big a twat as he is. And in a way, so what if they do think I'm some randy perve who for some reason wants to shag some tosser and a list of other ugly losers gentlemenfolk from the office!

The people who have said they bet he wishes what he's saying - I think so too, and dh said the same. The company didn't pay for the do, it was just a night out where only managers were invited! To be fair, I am a flirty drunk - I've never told anyone I don't fancy that I want to shag them though, and no idea where a list came from, but all the same, perhaps I'd better rein it in a bit on work nights out from now on. I will try not to call him out on it, as I think it will reflect worse on me tbh - they probably think he's a knob already.

That's degrading and whether it happened on work premises or not there's the old "No smoke without fire" way of thinking. My concern is perhaps at a later date that sort of gossip might sabotage your chance to take on further responsibilities or even promotion in the company. If you don't take this up with HR watch out for cold shouldering by management or sudden and unusual alienation by colleagues.

I'd bring this up with HR only because as Donkeys says if this affects your future employment etc.

You could also say that you appreciate that there may be times outside the office when you both banter but would appreciate that it is kept in context and maybe... I don't know how you can word it - but you don't want this to impact in either way on his or your career!