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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be absolutely shitting myself?

50 replies

CallMeExhausted · 05/05/2015 18:25

Exceptionally brief background for a situation that can't be brief - my DD (9) has been disabled since birth. She has had ever worsening seizures and was diagnosed with epileptic encephalopathy just before her 6th birthday. Since she was 3 weeks old, she has been on fifteen different seizure medications not all at the same time but they do not stop the fits. She has in excess of 100 brief seizures every day, and her brain is in constant seizure activity while she sleeps (according to the last long term monitoring that was done at the specialist Epilepsy Monitoring Unit). She is losing skills academically and her behaviour is becoming very challenging.

Her local neurologist saw her last week and suggested we send her to the largest Epilepsy centre in the country for a new opinion on her treatment and potentially assessment for neurosurgery. Because of the size and demand for this centre, the wait to get in for even the first visit is well over a year.

Neurologist called first thing this morning and said she had been talking with the complex epilepsy team in London, and they are taking DD's case to their conference THIS WEEK. She wanted to know if we were ok with them discussing her and accessing her records (privacy matters) and if we would be able to "mobilize" if they deemed her an assessment candidate. I spoke to DH, and we have consented.

I am shitting myself. The assessment can be very invasive, and surgery even more so. However, epileptic encephalopathy is a "malignant syndrome" - surgery is no guarantee, but without surgery, she will only continue to deteriorate.

AIBU to feel totally trapped right now?

OP posts:
Halfling · 05/05/2015 18:26

Holding your hand OP. This sounds so tough.

Rainicorn · 05/05/2015 18:26

Flowers Op, what a worry for you.

Welshmaenad · 05/05/2015 18:28

Of course you aren't. You must be terrified.

My ds has had several far more minor surgeries and I've bricked it for each one. It's so hard, signing that consent form, knowing it's the best treatment option but all the what ifs swirling in your head, that feeling of not knowing for sure that you're doing right by them even though logically you really are.

Being a parent sucks, you have to wonder why we do it to ourselves.

Flowers and Wine and possibly even a gentle unmumsnetty squeeze for you.

bumbleymummy · 05/05/2015 18:29

That sounds so hard CallMe. Another hand hold from me if you want it. I'm not really sure what else to say… :( Thanks

Fluffyears · 05/05/2015 18:29

A girl I know had neurosurgery to help her epilepsy and she is doing brilliantly. Has had no seizures in over 2 years and after the operation she healed really well. Hope your daughters journey is as positive.

AuntyMag10 · 05/05/2015 18:31

Gosh op that sounds really tough on all of youThanks

Akire · 05/05/2015 18:32

Sorry you are having a stressful time, sounds like you are doing all you can though choice of procedures that may not work or leaving things as they are are no real choices. But from an outsiders view point there is a chance things will get better so you have trust that doctors know what they are doing. Hope you get some news soon x

CallMeExhausted · 05/05/2015 18:33

DD has had many surgeries, but neurosurgery just has my stomach in knots. Thank you all for your support - I'll try to keep you all posted as I hear more.

OP posts:
Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 05/05/2015 18:33

I'm so sorry op.

A friend's nephew has this, and had radiation therapy in the US as his condition was deteriorating due to constant seizures.
It has reduced the number of seizures to one a day from ten, and seems to have halted much of the damage.
He is now on the waiting list to have CBD oil, cannabis oil with the THC removed, as part of a clinical trial, so they hope that will help him too.

I hope hearing about a child with a similar condition and a positive response is helpful, but I know nothing can really help when it is your baby. I really hope this helps your dd, and I can't imagine how hard things have been for all of you already Thanks

98percentchocolate · 05/05/2015 18:33

Holding your hand, as I couldn't even begin to imagine what you are going through.

msgrinch · 05/05/2015 18:36

I wish I could offer some advice, sadly I don't know anything about this. However I give you you a hand to hold and hope everything goes well for your dd. I'm so sorry you're going through this, you sound like a wonderful mother. Please take care of yourself to, lean on friends and family for support. Thanks

lunalelle · 05/05/2015 18:37

Well, seeing as I felt terrified when my DD broke her arm and might have needed surgery, I can understand that this is on a totally different scale!

It sounds like you are incredibly sensible, though, and are doing all you can to find a way to help her. If it were me, I would also look for every option to improve the situation.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 05/05/2015 18:37

I've had neurosurgery, a brain biopsy, and it was fine, not painful or traumatic.

I'm ashamed to admit my overriding thought was gratitude that they hadn't cut my hair Blush. And I was still me when I woke up, despite missing a chunk of frontal lobe.

Marmiteandjamislush · 05/05/2015 18:41

YANBU have Cake Brew and take a deep breath. It's a massive thing and a scary time. Does the hospital not run a specialist support group? Maybe a chat with another Mum/Dad who's been there would help?

grannytomine · 05/05/2015 18:47

I know someone whose life was seriously restricted because of epilepsy. Eventually surgery was the only option, he was really worried well scared I suppose. The results were fantastic, he leads a completely normal life,no meds no fits. I have my fingers crossed for you.

Pensionerpeep · 05/05/2015 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trooperslane · 05/05/2015 18:49

Fucking hell. Yanbu. Thanks And WineWineWineWine x

kinkyfuckery · 05/05/2015 19:07

Hand holding from here Flowers

alwaysstaytoolong · 05/05/2015 19:23

You have given consent for her to be discussed with her medical records fully available.

You have not given consent for any intervention or procedures. That will be discussed at each point.

Don't be shitting yourself. They can't do anything else without your informed consent.

It's a good thing she's being discussed. The opinions and recommendations that come out of it will be relayed to you and it is then your absolute choice whether or not you proceed with recommended treatment.

You are not trapped in any way. Really you're not. Try to relax.

duplodon · 05/05/2015 19:25

Oh wow, how terrifying. Of course yanbu.

I was listening to a tape where they described a situation like yours where someone's child was in very delicate life threatening surgery for a tumour and how they got through this by breathing and saying to themselves,

breathing in, I calm my body,
breathing out I smile,
staying in this moment
I know this is the only moment

Just over and over, trying to just stay in their bodies, feeling the fear and all that but directing themselves away from all the scary dark what ifs. Just to break it down, make it manageable. One breath at a time.

I have no idea if this is all bollocks, but it said on the tape she found it useful so if it can help you I thought I'd share it.

Thinking of you all xxx

magimedi · 05/05/2015 19:33

Just sending my love to you from one mother to another.

Flowers
CallMeExhausted · 05/05/2015 20:01

Again, I thank you for all your support. I have managed to find another family not too far away whose daughter went through assessment and treatment and she is doing well, with a significant reduction in her seizure activity.

I do hope I will hear from them in the next week or two - apparently, only one case is taken to conference at a time, so once the discussion starts, things tend to move (so there is adequate time to make decisions, but not so much time that you stew and go nuts).

OP posts:
MrsNextDoor · 05/05/2015 20:16

I am sure you're absolutely terrified Flowers as an outsider my initial reaction to the fact they're taking her case to a conference was that this is GOOD...so good. All those specialists...all together...focusing on your DD> She is young...and to them...interesting...so they want to do all they can for her. I hope you're ok OP I can imagine your stress.xx

msgrinch · 05/05/2015 20:17

I think I speak for all of us on here when I say "anything you need, we're here, completely". X

flabbyducks · 05/05/2015 20:21

Bloody hell , that's tough for all of you
The only thing that I would say is that there's no alternative and thank Christ they are seeing her so soon
My thoughts are with you x