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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be absolutely shitting myself?

50 replies

CallMeExhausted · 05/05/2015 18:25

Exceptionally brief background for a situation that can't be brief - my DD (9) has been disabled since birth. She has had ever worsening seizures and was diagnosed with epileptic encephalopathy just before her 6th birthday. Since she was 3 weeks old, she has been on fifteen different seizure medications not all at the same time but they do not stop the fits. She has in excess of 100 brief seizures every day, and her brain is in constant seizure activity while she sleeps (according to the last long term monitoring that was done at the specialist Epilepsy Monitoring Unit). She is losing skills academically and her behaviour is becoming very challenging.

Her local neurologist saw her last week and suggested we send her to the largest Epilepsy centre in the country for a new opinion on her treatment and potentially assessment for neurosurgery. Because of the size and demand for this centre, the wait to get in for even the first visit is well over a year.

Neurologist called first thing this morning and said she had been talking with the complex epilepsy team in London, and they are taking DD's case to their conference THIS WEEK. She wanted to know if we were ok with them discussing her and accessing her records (privacy matters) and if we would be able to "mobilize" if they deemed her an assessment candidate. I spoke to DH, and we have consented.

I am shitting myself. The assessment can be very invasive, and surgery even more so. However, epileptic encephalopathy is a "malignant syndrome" - surgery is no guarantee, but without surgery, she will only continue to deteriorate.

AIBU to feel totally trapped right now?

OP posts:
straighttothepoint · 05/05/2015 20:34

Your dd has to do this, I hope you understand that the decision is out of your hands really. It must be bloody tough and beyond stressful. I can only wish your family well xx

MrsDeVere · 05/05/2015 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Turquoisetamborine · 05/05/2015 21:07

I don't know anything about this subject but I can only imagine how you feel as a mother. I'm hoping this is the breakthrough you need.

SocialMediaAddict · 05/05/2015 21:14

That's so tough.

I'm in a very similar situation with my DD's heart so I can completely empathise with you.

Keep us updated.

TheMaw · 05/05/2015 21:20

I know someone who had neurosurgery for epilepsy about three years ago and he's doing brilliantly now, it's made a massive difference to his life. It must be so scary OP, best of luck to you all.

RandomMess · 05/05/2015 21:22

Petrifying but positive they want to review her now to stop any further deterioration before they do everything they can for her.

Flowers
chickenfuckingpox · 05/05/2015 21:29

im assuming they are the best people for the job? they possibly wont realize they are scaring you but if they move they will want to move fast this does not mean she is in urgent need its just professionals tend to get carried away with okay we see this/ we can help/ this lets do this now!

the better they are at there job the worse the people skills get

i really hope they take your case and help your DD

mumsnet is here for you with a virtual hand hold 24/7

good luck Flowers

NewMrsX · 05/05/2015 21:56

How scary Flowers

I hope this is the beginning of a better quality of life for your dd, that's what you need to keep thinking and will get you through the difficult times

Mooney1 · 05/05/2015 22:07

YANBU, It's scary shit but if ur daughters condition is deteriorating and this might be a way to stop it happening you have to do what's going to be the best thing
Hang on in there , I empathise and know what your going through to a little extent my son has infantile spasms which are not under control and he is regressing by the day, you have to do what's best, good luck

Chippednailvarnish · 05/05/2015 22:19

My DD has hydrocephalus and I was practically paralysed with fear when we were looking at surgical options. It does get easier and you will probably find it a huge relief once you are under their care.

Flowers
Grapejuicerocks · 05/05/2015 22:24

Handholding Thanks

chinam · 05/05/2015 22:37

Hand holding here too. Can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling.

CallMeExhausted · 05/05/2015 23:21

Intellectually, I know this is a good thing for her. It is, essentially, her last resort. She is two year levels behind where she was academically at the start of this school year. Her seizures remain out of control and behaviour is following suit.

But, the mummy side of me, the part that protects my children however I can, wants to gather her up, hold her close, and hide her from anyone who would do something that could scare her or cause her pain. And, because cognitively she is much younger than her 9 years, explaining assessments to her, and having her comply with them, concerns me legitimately, I think

That, and there is the financial part of it. I'll need to be with her, 200 or more km away from home, for however long it takes. The cost of travel, accommodation and meals is not reimbursed or subsidised, and life goes on at home. We've done it many times before, and every time it is tough.

Must. Turn. Off. The. Brain!

OP posts:
duplodon · 05/05/2015 23:24

We all feel it with you. Daunting is not the word. There is no one here who wouldn't feel the same, or who would be able to switch off the brain!!

balletgirlmum · 05/05/2015 23:27

I have no idea if it's the same thing or not but a friend of dds had surgery on her brain to help epilepsy.

She was unfortunately one of the tiny tiny percentage where the surgery caused the side effect of partial paralysis & she ended up in a wheelchair.

But it was temporary, a few years on & she's doing so well. Her speech has improved along with her mobility, she's doing well at school & the seizures I think have stopped.

GloGirl · 05/05/2015 23:56

Is there a Ronald MacDonald House at the hospital you're going to?

CallMeExhausted · 05/05/2015 23:57

DD already uses a wheelchair, so I can comfortably set that behind me as a worry must be positive

This particular epilepsy syndrome is progressive - she will continue to deteriorate cognitively and behaviourally, so this is a positive thing. I think what is throwing me so much is how sudden it all seems.

Last week, we were expecting another year before any of this came to a head - now, all of a sudden, here it is. The team only concentrates on a small number of children at a time, once they come to case conference, things tend to move with "urgency" . At least, urgency in a way that a health system with massive waiting lists doesn't generally show - in the U.S., according to the reports of acquaintances of mine, things are very different. Profit driven systems, and all...

OP posts:
CallMeExhausted · 06/05/2015 12:05

Oy... received a message from the local neurologist. Conference is today. I can anticipate a mad cleaning frenzy from me today as I try to distract myself.

OP posts:
MrsNextDoor · 06/05/2015 14:48

Well that's scary! But marvelous...action....all good. We're all sending positive vibes to you! Flowers

bumbleymummy · 06/05/2015 14:50

Thinkjng of you Thanks

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/05/2015 14:54

This must be scary and unsettling, my thoughts are with you and your family. Flowers

Laura0806 · 06/05/2015 14:58

Thinking of you and fingers crossed and very much hoping this is the breakthrough you both need

MrsMcColl · 06/05/2015 15:19

Thinking of you OP. My DD was diagnosed with EE two years ago - but has responded well to medication. Which hospital in London? It's reassuring to know that they are taking her situation seriously - but yes I totally get how anxiety-making it is when the experts leap into action. Hope you hear something soon.

CallMeExhausted · 06/05/2015 17:11

I should have clarified - I live in Canada, so it is Children's Hospital of Western Ontario (in London, ON). The other hospital she has been referred to is Sick Kids in Toronto.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/05/2015 17:28

Completely randomly I've been to London, ON by brother studied in Canada for a year and lived there...

Just hugs, hoping that they believe they can help her however scary it is to agree to the surgery Sad

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