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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to attend wedding due to leaving baby?

67 replies

purpleteapig · 05/05/2015 13:44

My husband and I are meant to be attending a wedding in a few weeks for one of his friends. It's no kids and we have a 2 year old and a baby who'll be 3 months, so have arranged for family to look after them. It's a 3 hour drive so will involve us staying overnight and we'll be gone about 36 hours.

DH is really looking forward to it and us having some time to ourselves, but I'm starting to dread it and not want to go; mainly because I'm anxious about the baby feeding properly (he's breastfed and although has bottles on occasion, doesn't drink much from them so far) and the fact he's nowhere near sleeping through (usually 2 wake-ups).

DH thinks he'll be fine with our family and will bottle feed enough when there isn't the alternative option of breast feeding, ie he'll be hungry enough to take what he needs. I would like to go as feel pretty drained at the moment and a night away would be nice, but I just keep having images of him screaming his head off while our family are frantically trying to soothe him. Aibu and OTT? I was fine leaving DS1 with my mum o/n about this age but he was bottle fed and a good sleeper...

OP posts:

Marvel101 · 05/05/2015 20:34

Best option is to get a relative to travel with you and stay in the hotel and you can pop back to feed the baby throughout the day.

It would be so uncomfortable having to pump so much. I went out for one evening without my baby and my breasts were gone horribly full. I kept meaning to go off and pump but because I was talking to people and enjoying myself I put it off until it was too late and too difficult to pump.

A 3 month old who is not used to bottles might very well not feed at all and cry looking for you. When DS was that age he didn't seem to understand how to drink out if the bottle not matter how hungry he was.

WhyHaveYouDruggedTheirOnions · 05/05/2015 20:57

Agree with Jackie, I really don't get why the bride and groom say you can't bring your baby. It's not like she'll be hogging the table wine and evening buffet! But yes, their wedding, their choice obviously.

Anyway, Yanbu OP. I would probably not want to leave a 3 month old bf baby for 36 hours either.

PatioPonderer · 05/05/2015 21:09

Yanbu, they are, how selfish. I think it is unfair to expect a 3 mo to suddenly swap to bottles and the distress that may cause just for their wedding. If you do, had you thought that you may have difficulties getting him back into breast feeding if he gets used to bottles?

And yes, how are you going to pump all day and all evening? You will need to pump a lot a too, to keep your supply up, not just take the edge off.

olgaga · 05/05/2015 21:11

36 hours? At 3 months? At that stage I was still wearing breast pads! Admittedly DD was tiny and fed at least every hour.

Suddenly at 3 months she had to have a hernia op with a GA which meant she couldn't feed for 9 hours - that was a nightmare. I was so huge and in pain I could barely keep up with the pumping required and got very VERY sore.

Towards the end of this ordeal I was just bending over a sink in the loo, gently massaging the milk out!

But at least I wasn't in a nice dress, trying to look my best .

CrapBag · 05/05/2015 22:25

I think you can ask to take your baby. It's a BF 3 month old ffs. I think they would be very U to say no tbh.

MrsMook · 05/05/2015 23:08

Getting the breast pump out for 40 minutes every 3 hours to fend off engorgement, no thank you! I left my bottle refusing 1 year old for 4 days, and ended up walking around with a breast pump up my guider's uniform from missing 3 feeds a day, that was after RTW so my body was used to him not feeding in the daytime.

YANBU. It's not worth the risk of mastitis, or simply missing baby.

noodle8000 · 05/05/2015 23:24

Yanbu. I still haven't left my bf 13 month alone for even an hour since she was born- she needs me and everyone else's needs are just not as important at this age.

noodle8000 · 05/05/2015 23:25

Forgot to mention we take her everywhere with us. If an event isn't baby-friendly we don't go. So perhaps see if you can bring baby along - they might love it!

maddening · 05/05/2015 23:32

I wouldn't have as the pumping to be done while away was a pain in the early days and even when I pumped at work it was a pain and with growth spurts at 3 months if anyone could have had ds for a few hours at 3 months I would have slept - not driven 6 hours in total for a wedding. I went to a gig a couple of hours away so was away maybe 8 hours - had to express in the loos at the gig, painful overfull breasts!

Could you take 3 mth old and get childminder in hotel room and you pop back to feed, or bring family member and put in another room?

DisappointedOne · 05/05/2015 23:39

Didn't they say the hotel isn't near the wedding venue?

I exclusively expressed for DD and would still have turned down this invite at 3 months.

SnookyWookyWooWoo · 05/05/2015 23:59

No way. There is not a chance Id leave a 3month old baby for the night....Id struggle for several hours tbh. Not worth the anxiety you wont enjoy yourself.

Let dh go but ensure u contact the bride and groom asap to let them know in case theyve arranged a meal e.t.c. and dont feel guilty its unreasonable to expect a mummy to leave her lo that soon.

LiegeAndLief · 06/05/2015 15:45

YANBU at all! I definitely could not have done this. Left ds when he was 3 months old to go to a party for about 4 hours and regretted it. He wouldn't take the bottle and screamed for ages, my breasts were huge and painful (and falling out of my dress!). Didn't leave dd for a night out until she was 14 months... that was probably overkill.

expatinscotland · 06/05/2015 15:52

I wouldn't have agreed to go. It's only been 3 months. Your DH is being unreasonable.

I'd pull out.

expatinscotland · 06/05/2015 16:11

'Best option is to get a relative to travel with you and stay in the hotel and you can pop back to feed the baby throughout the day.'

The hotel is not near the venue.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 06/05/2015 22:29

Even if the hotel was the venue you could easily miss 1/3 of the day popping out to feed More if baby's on a growth spurt...

cowbiscuits · 06/05/2015 22:50

Ive turned down a wedding invitation this summer for exactly the same reason OP. My kids are the same age as yours. My younger son will be 3 months and exclusively breastfed. Even if I wasn't breastfeeding, I don't think I could leave him overnight.

DH will be going without me as its a good friend of his.

I'm disappointed to miss the wedding but don't feel bad about it. I just can't go.

YANBU to send your apologies.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 06/05/2015 22:57

I wouldnt. 3 months and breast fed is still a very dependent baby, dependent on you. 6 months has been the point for me, with each DS, that I've felt able to leave them with someone else. And really, 6 months is a short-time in the scheme of things.

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