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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a pet?

30 replies

Bogal · 05/05/2015 12:19

I lived in rented, strictly no pets places for years, then when DH and I bought our first place we decided to renovate it, then get chickens as it had a lovely big back garden. V soon after finishing the renovations we had a private offer which was too good to refuse and moved back to rented (again, no pets).

We're moving into our own home again soon and had agreed to get rabbits (smaller garden not suited to chickens) but now I'm pg I keep hearing that the last thing I'll want is a pet when the baby arrives!

We've considered other low maintenance (i.e. not cleaning out every weekend, having to bring them in from outdoors/spend lots of time outside) pets but cats are out as I'm allergic, DH hates small animals (hamsters etc) and we've both got reservations about mixing a dog with a new baby.

AIBU to feel a bit frustrated and to wonder if it will ever happen??? It feels like an eternal carrot! I come from a very pet friendly family and am probably feeling this a bit more at the moment what with nesting...

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/05/2015 12:25

Have the baby and then see how you feel about the pet issue.

Quills · 05/05/2015 12:29

I feel for you OP, no doubt the need to nurture is stronger than ever now that you're pregnant. I wouldn't think now is the best time to take on the commitment of an animal, but think how lovely it will be picking out a family pet when your DC is old enough to join in and understand.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/05/2015 12:34

I would wait until you have got through the first few months of parenthood then make a decision.

googoodolly · 05/05/2015 12:48

Wait until you've gotten through the first few months of having a newborn. Pets can be wonderful but they're also a lifelong commitment so you need to be 100% sure you can commit the time/money to them before deciding.

Adarajames · 05/05/2015 13:13

You could in the meantime, and if not too pregnant, look at Cinnamon trust, borrow my doggy, or local animal shelters, and walk a dog / go per the cats etc for one of those

Adarajames · 05/05/2015 13:14

*pet

Humansatnav · 05/05/2015 13:17

For years we had fish as we both worked ft. Low maintenance, good to look at and cheap to keep ( we had a large tank , but a small one with a filter is really easy to clean).
Got a dog now.

SorchaN · 05/05/2015 13:20

Some women feel quite ambivalent about their pets when their first child arrives. Others are fine. There's probably no way to know how you'll feel about animals until you baby is born. I agree with previous posters who suggest waiting until your baby is a few months old; after all, it's quite a lot of emotional work adjusting to new members of the family (human or animal).

whatbecomesofsnow · 05/05/2015 13:26

Bogal, Im going to go against the advise of others if you want a pet then get one.

I now have DD 13 mo before I got pregnant DP and me had 2 large breed dogs 4 cats 2 hamsters 2 rats 3 ferrets lots of fish, poultry and others

When DD came along 2 cats had passed away of old age by this stage we got another one the exact same age as DD and guniepigs as well

Lots of family got on our case about our pets, friends too, I got quite annoyed and gave a few of them a piece of my mind which may be why they dont visit anymore . . .

The pets were a life line for me when DD was small and I was upset or hormonal ( major op 3 months after having her ongoing issues) I could let her sleep and have a cuddle they are proven to release stress, one of my cats even had a litter just before DD arrived.

Youve done the research and youve decided what pet would suit you and your lifestyle, a rabbit can't jump in the crib, dosent need walking and they make great house pets

As long as you and DP are in agreement go for it :)

Saltedpeanuts · 05/05/2015 13:31

Your baby will be clinging onto you all the time - a lot of touching and carrying around. And feeding and cleaning up. This goes on for a few years. I'd definitely not get a pet now, as it may well feel too much.

lunalelle · 05/05/2015 15:04

I would not get rabbits. They ought to live indoors and are very high maintenance - I have 4 and have just received a bill for £2500 for vet fees when one got sick.

Original poster
Bogal · 05/05/2015 15:25

whatbecomesofsnow wow what a menagerie Smile did you cope okay with feeding/cleaning out etc when your DD's were little? I really relate to pets being a calming influence but after being repeatedly told that I'll find it difficult to deal with a pet and new baby I am concerned about keeping up with looking after them.

Adarajames that's a good idea - I have been doing some dog sitting for relatives who unfortunately want them back again but hadn't thought of helping out at a shelter.

Quills that is an appealing picture

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogal · 05/05/2015 15:28

lunalelle crikey I hope they're okay?? Always planned for the rabbits to be outdoor ones - they'd come from the RSPCA who are quite strict on accommodation if I went down that route. I've a friend who's a vet nurse whose not shy on rabbit-related illnesses - whatever pet we get (and when) they'll be fully vaccinated, insured etc

OP posts:
Focusfocus · 05/05/2015 15:58

We got our pup about 7 months before we conceived (highly planned). We did a huge load of work on training her and by the time I got pregnant early this year she was a ready little dog with not one iota of clinginess or aggression in her.

I am nearing the halfway mark of this planned pregnancy and the major change I have found, and also DH has found since we conceived is that - literally speaking our love for our already beloved DPup is literally increasing on a daily basis. We cannot wait for her to meet her little human brother or sister. And we are incredibly pleased we planned and got her and trained her and socialised her with kids before we conceived.

Which brings me to my point. If you have t already done this, and are already pregnant, I strongly suggest waiting. A pup is enormous hard work. We know that because we've only literally done the first major load of it before we conceived. It's very hard to do that when pregnant (lots of lifting, cleaning up mess, toilet training hassles, childhood niggles) and equally hard with an infant or toddler.

It's because we anticipated that, and because I am a dog veteran since I was little - that we got ours before we TTC working on the assumptions of TTC working first month (for planning sake, which it actually did, so good we were ready).

Life is really long and you will be able to get the pet when your first one is a little bigger, and maybe before you have a second kid.

lunalelle · 05/05/2015 16:35

They are, thank you :))

I just wanted to give the heads up that bunnies are not the easy pet people think they are. But very rewarding as well. Join the RWAF and look at their website, they are fab for all sorts of advice on stuff :)

Andrewofgg · 05/05/2015 17:33

Please don't get a dog. It will be there before the baby and however well-behaved it is no power on earth can guarantee that it will not get jealous (using human terms about dog feelings, but that's all we have) and snap at or attack the baby. It's just not worth the risk.

Sootgremlin · 05/05/2015 17:48

I think really there are two sensible approaches that will work for most people. One is to get a pet already well established/trained before children are on the horizon, or wait until the children are bedded in and you fully appreciate the workload before introducing a pet.

I know exactly how you feel, I have had the same situation with renting, really miss having pets. However, my first dc knocked me for six in lots of ways, there is no way I could have coped with looking after an animal on top, the baby was so needy it took up my whole emotional and physical output! my first dc is now four and youngest one and I'm just beginning to dream of guinea pigs....the first year with 2 was hard, but now little one is walking I can see pets fitting in nicely.

I would love a dog again but this will be in the future when youngest child is out of toddler stage, as I personally feel dogs and small children shouldn't mix, generally speaking.

Original poster
Bogal · 05/05/2015 17:49

lunalelle glad your bun's okay Smile
FocusFocus that sounds like a much more sensible way of doing it! My DM got a lab puppy a couple of years ago and likened the training/looking after to having a toddler for the first year Confused the thought of house training a pup with a small baby is quite off-putting.
Andrew yes also very concerned about jealousy / not knowing a new dog/puppys personality with a new baby around.

I'm coming round to the idea of waiting for a while longer - I was rather hoping ppl would say pets are easy peasy!!

OP posts:
Coumarin · 05/05/2015 18:44

Dog would be a bad idea at this point. Best to wait a couple of years after your DC is born before considering one. They're a huge amount of work, especially if you get a puppy.

I just rabbit sat for a couple of weeks and was very surprised at how high maintenance they are. Lovely animals but definitely not the easy pet people think they are. I was considering getting a couple but now wouldn't.

I'd wait if I were you. Maybe it's your nurturing instincts kicking in.

Original poster
Bogal · 05/05/2015 19:12

Sootgremlin sorry x post! That's exactly what I'm worried about - being so taken up with DS that the pet(s) turns into more of a chore than a pleasure. I'm just juggling my selfish desire for a pet with the practicalities of managing one with a new baby. Love guinea pigs they're such little characters!!
A dog would be my first choice but I am particularly concerned about that with training, socialisation, boisterousness, possible jealousy etc...
Coumarin yes I had rabbits as a kid and remember having to spend a lot of time with them so they didn't go feral, and that's aside from the feeding, cleaning, grooming and other stuff

OP posts:
whatbecomesofsnow · 05/05/2015 19:43

It wasn't hard at all, DP and me made a rota and stuck to it my pets were and are a big part of my life it would kill me if I had to get rid of any of them if anything through the hard times they kept me and dp together
my dogs are 2 and 7 they can't be walked far as both have hip problems, keeping up with their walks if they were healthy would have been harder but only due to my location at the time
Do you have a friend who has a rabbit? You could ask to borrow it for a week or if you've changed your mind as to which pet someone who has that one instead?
A dog at this stage is risky as puppies are loads of work and personally I will never trust a rescue dog around a baby or small child but that's my decision not yours
Don't rush any decision though it needs to be what's right for your family as a whole :)

crazylady12 · 05/05/2015 20:19

I was on my hands and knees 8 months pregnant cleaning out our rabbits I have 4 in a large shed, it depends if you can cope with the extra work. I loved going out on my own to clean the rabbits (when baby Was asleep) I find it relaxing, now I have a 5 year old and 14 month old trying to help it's not as relaxing

hidingfromthem · 05/05/2015 20:34

check out this thread. i reckon there's a few pets up for grabs there. Grin

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2371729-Have-you-ever-had-a-pet-you-dont-like

itsallgonetitsup91 · 05/05/2015 23:03

I have a rabbit and I am pregnant and I'm worried he won't have the same quality of life when the baby's born - he's really high maintenance. Wouldn't recommend rabbits I love mine but he's a pain in the arse. whether he's indoors or outdoors. And definitely needs cleaning out more than once a week.

snowglobemouse · 06/05/2015 00:59

what happened the chickens when you moved to somewhere unsuitable?

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