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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this was a bit off re playground behaviour

51 replies

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:34

Took dd (18mo) to a local park this morning. It's a huge playground with plenty of play equipment. there were only two other families there, so not at all crowded.

There was a little girl of around 4 who came over to us as soon as we got there. I said hello, then asked dd what she wanted to go on. From that point until we left, everything dd pointed to to go on, this little girl ran to, and tried to get on first. This meant that dd had to wait every single time she wanted to use the equipment, despite the park being nearly empty.

The little girl would wait for dd to go on something, then wait to see what she wanted to go on next and beat her to it every single time. I felt this was really unfair, as most of the things only one child can use at a time, it wasn't as if they could play together on them.

The mother was nearby the whole time and didn't say a thing. I think if the roles were reversed, I would have tried to encourage dd to leave us alone rather than following us around the whole time and would have put a stop to the other behaviour. It came across as though she didn't want dd to be able to go on anything and was trying to stop her. It wasn't very nice at all. Aibu? If you were the other mum would you have tried to stop it?

dd was very good and waited her turn every time, but I could see it was frustrating for her. Especially when the girl spent a long time on each thing.

I know it's not a huge deal, it just seemed quite unfair on dd really. Willing to be told I need to get a grip though!

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 04/05/2015 14:37

Sounds like there was plenty of other equipment free for your DD to play on. Any disappointment was probably yours and not hers.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 04/05/2015 14:37

I understand how frustrating that would have been but I do think it's not the end of the world

Were you really not able to get DD on anything first?

Theycallmemellowjello · 04/05/2015 14:38

Why didn't you go on something else instead of waiting? But yes the mum should have intervened if she knew what was going on. However, it may not have been obvious to the mum what her dd was doing - might have looked like you were following the girl around.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:39

Closer, nothing, she was no where near as fast as the little girl and other than picking her up and running with her, the little girl got there first.

Scholes, honestly dd was getting frustrated by the end as she would point to what she wanted to go on, run towards it and then not be able to go on it. Every time.

OP posts:

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:40

Sorry unintentional drip feed, the mum said ooh looks like you have got a follower there, so she had seen the behaviour.

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Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:41

They, I would then say to dd shall we go on this instead, and the other girl would jump off the thing she was on and run to the next one! I did try!

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Charlotte3333 · 04/05/2015 14:42

If I was the other Mum I'd have been playing with my own child so it wouldn't have been able to happen that way, and if they had I'd have stepped in. It's normal for small children to do that sort of thing, perfectly normal. But it doesn't hurt to remind them to share nicely with other children.

ImNameyChangey · 04/05/2015 14:42

I would have primed my DD to go towards something and then change course. Sorry but I just would. That's teaching them how to manage situations like this alone.

ImNameyChangey · 04/05/2015 14:43

Oh I see your DD is only 18 months...well then I'd have tricked the other child myself then! Whispered to DD to find what she wanted next...and then made a false beeline towards something entirely different!

Pippin8 · 04/05/2015 14:43

To be fair, I'd have completely ignored the other child & just picked my dd up & moved on. She'd have soon gotten bored. While annoying, its normal attention seeking behaviour.

kissmethere · 04/05/2015 14:44

Yanbu. I've seen this so many times in playgrounds. Not just my dcs. It's like the child is trying to be king of the castle.
Don't know what you could have done without sounding like it was petty. The child was probably bored.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:45

Namey Do you mean say to dd we are going on one thing, then last minute change to going on something else?

dd is quite a single minded little thing, and would rather wait for the thing she wanted to play on than go on anything else. I think you might be right, it's something we should work on.

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PeachyPants · 04/05/2015 14:46

YANBU, that behaviour was off and the child's mum should have intervened, unfortunately some children are like this and some parents are unconcerned (and the too are unsurprisingly correlated). I like NameyChangey's strategy, get your DD to whisper, feint then leg it to the equipment.

pudcat · 04/05/2015 14:46

So once she had jumped off one thing to go to the next thing you just had to stay put and let your dd have that.

Scholes34 · 04/05/2015 14:46

I'm sure it can't be too difficult to outwit a 4 year old.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:48

Kiss i think you might have been right about her being bored, mum and dad were watching, but not actually playing with her. I didn't really feel there was anything I could do, it seems a bit ott to say Hey! My dd wanted to play on that! a bit pfb maybe!

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PeachyPants · 04/05/2015 14:48

I hadn't even thought of that pudcat genius!

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:50

I'm not sure if I have understood you correctly pud, but the little girl waited for us after she finished every time, so that would have meant dd could only use one thing.

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TheEggityOddity · 04/05/2015 14:50

You don't have a 3 year old do you? (bet she was younger than you think, they look a lot older sooner than you can believe). They are contrary little creatures and her mum was probably fearing a melt down if she tried to intervene. Lots of two and three year olds have pretty malevolent feelings towards younger ones. It's hard to explain. It was probably her weird way of interacting with you and getting your attention. It's hard when yours is the baby, but in parks they are not the only child and when they play with older ones there is a pecking order which she will have to get used to sooner or later. Wait until soft play, each man to himself there! Not saying it was nice, or even that all young children would do this, but I would say it is quite normal and probably the mum just didn't see the big deal. This kind of competition is all part of them developing really.

Thelovecats · 04/05/2015 14:50

If it was me, I would have addressed the other girl and said something like 'would you mind if my DD has a go on this, because a big girl like you can go on more grown up things but my DD is only little so she has to go on the baby things'. No point in being annoyed about it, but playing to the big girl thing usually works.

pudcat · 04/05/2015 14:51

I used to do it all the time. You just have to be a bit devious. Say "Now Baby peach we'll go on swing instead of this seesaw". Make to move and voila girl goes and babypeach has what she wanted. Same with toys in a toddler group etc.

ImNameyChangey · 04/05/2015 14:52

Flan exactly. I'd have done that. The other child would have grown bored of the "game" then.

ImNameyChangey · 04/05/2015 14:53

Also....I would not have stood waiting whilst the other child had a go...I'd have walked off right away to something else and if she persisted in her "game" I'd probably have said something like "It's not nice to push in..."

SurlyCue · 04/05/2015 14:53

Wow! The things people get upset about enough to post a thread! bit silly of you to keep saying what you were going on next though wasnt it? Honestly though this is a real mountain out of a molehill. A 4yo was a bit competitive, youre and adult, surely you have the mental maturity to not give a shiny shite? Im assuming PFB.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:57

Theegg I know what you mean about softplay! I had to tell a child off the other day for trying to jam dds hands into a machine thing that fires balls out. The mum was nowhere near.

I don't agree that dd should be lower in the pecking order at a park just because she is younger though. that doesn't seem right At all.

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