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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this was a bit off re playground behaviour

51 replies

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:34

Took dd (18mo) to a local park this morning. It's a huge playground with plenty of play equipment. there were only two other families there, so not at all crowded.

There was a little girl of around 4 who came over to us as soon as we got there. I said hello, then asked dd what she wanted to go on. From that point until we left, everything dd pointed to to go on, this little girl ran to, and tried to get on first. This meant that dd had to wait every single time she wanted to use the equipment, despite the park being nearly empty.

The little girl would wait for dd to go on something, then wait to see what she wanted to go on next and beat her to it every single time. I felt this was really unfair, as most of the things only one child can use at a time, it wasn't as if they could play together on them.

The mother was nearby the whole time and didn't say a thing. I think if the roles were reversed, I would have tried to encourage dd to leave us alone rather than following us around the whole time and would have put a stop to the other behaviour. It came across as though she didn't want dd to be able to go on anything and was trying to stop her. It wasn't very nice at all. Aibu? If you were the other mum would you have tried to stop it?

dd was very good and waited her turn every time, but I could see it was frustrating for her. Especially when the girl spent a long time on each thing.

I know it's not a huge deal, it just seemed quite unfair on dd really. Willing to be told I need to get a grip though!

OP posts:

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 14:58

Sue, fair enough. Yup she is my pfb, my very much longed for, never thought I would have due to fertility issues, super special miracle baby. So yea, I might be a teeny tiny bit pfb

OP posts:

Thelovecats · 04/05/2015 15:00

Flanj that is life- wait til they go to school and have to negotiate all this in the playground for themselves....

StepfauxWife · 04/05/2015 15:00

I don't think you are BU. Maybe I'm a little PFB as well but if it was my daughter acting in this way, I would have definitely intervened. It's always a bit uncomfortable for everyone involved when someone tells another person's child what to do.

StepfauxWife · 04/05/2015 15:01

Oh and don't get me started on soft play:

theunmumsymum.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/lesson-55-surviving-soft-play.html?m=1

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 15:02

Thelove don't be silly, no-one will ever upset my baby!!

Nah, I know, but I'm hoping she will be a bit more resilient by the time she goes to school. the softplay is helping to toughen her up no end.

OP posts:

ThursdayLast · 04/05/2015 15:03

I don't think you're being PFB either. That would annoy me too. The older girl should be being taught by her own mother playground 'manners'.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 15:03

Step, thank you for making me feel less like A Loon.

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 04/05/2015 15:04

Its totally fine to be super cautious of a much longed for PFB and want to treat them with kid gloves, however it is worth remembering that she is not the worlds PFB- the world expects her to muck in like all the others. Nobody in the playground cares if she is your first or 17th. It wont do her any good to be brought up with such a sensitive disposition, it will actually make life a wee bit harder for her because knock backs and disappointments will be all the more intense for her. You are very sensitive, dont pass that on to her. Tbh i would have let DD tear on herself and work out that she needed to either stand her ground with the bigger child or go and find another toy. I would really only intervene if it got physical.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 15:04

Thank you Thursday.

OP posts:

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 04/05/2015 15:09

It's ok to say to another child "oh, could DD go first this time please?"

FadedRed123 · 04/05/2015 15:21

Am I BU in feeling rather sad for possibly lonely 3/4 year old who maybe wants to play with seemingly nice caring Mummy and l'il one but hasn't got the social skills to know when she is not wanted...........

MythicalKings · 04/05/2015 15:24

Child was deliberately trying to spoil your DD's fun. Shame her mother didn't pick her up on it.

LadyDeadpool · 04/05/2015 15:29

We had this last time I took DS2 to the park little girl was 4 (her mother asked her about preschool) but we had the added delightfulness of her attempting to drag DS off the equipment and even trying to push him over her mother was far too busy on her phone to monitor her child. Really annoyed me and I actually almost brought DS home she was being so nasty. I'm sorry but I dont care if your precious child might throw a tantrum you don't let them bully others if the roles were reversed I'd have spoken with DS and if it carried on we would have gone straight home.

PeachyPants · 04/05/2015 15:31

No I feel sorry for the other little girl too Faded but I think it's an overly generous interpretation to say that she just didn't have the social skills to know she wasn't wanted, she was trying to spoil OP's DD's fun. I don't think children's behavioural problems always stem from poor parenting but the fact that her mum was oblivious to her behaviour and cba to try and educate her speaks volumes. That girl may well go to school and replicate this and find herself labelled as a nasty child who can't share and nobody wants to play with because she hasn't been socialised properly.

FadedRed123 · 04/05/2015 15:48

Yes, I see your point Peachy.

zazzie · 04/05/2015 16:16

I think children with no other issues tend to pick up what is socially acceptable behaviour fairly quickly once they start school because they want to be liked. Behaviour problems that persist are not usually down to parenting.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 04/05/2015 18:06

Don't get me wrong, I did feel a bit sorry for her, as it came across as she was a bit envious of the attention I was giving dd. I am not in any way saying horrible things about the child, she's so young herself. my issue was with the fact I felt that the mum should have stepped in to stop the behaviour that's all. Thanks for the input.

OP posts:

Whatisaweekend · 05/05/2015 09:10

Yanbu at all. It would have annoyed the piss out of me. The mother should have stepped in - she is doing that kid a disservice on not helping her to correct behaviour that is going to make her unpopular in the future. That being said I can't help but feel that the right sort of behaviour is absorbed by osmosis, if you like, & this child was being deliberately horrid. I am afraid I would have fixed her with a hard stare & told her off. Some one has got to do it if the mother won't.

grannytomine · 05/05/2015 09:54

I took grandsons to playground yesterday. A little boy came up and said he wanted the equipment eldest grandson was using. I was at a bit of a distance and was surprised GS got straight off. As I watched I realised the boy had some sort of SN, he couldn't manage the equipment so GS tried to help him, then he got off and GS got back on and showed him how it worked got off and let little boy on again. He still struggled so GS stayed with him until he got it.

I started off thinking cheeky little begger demanding GS move and ended up feeling like crying with pride at how beautifully GS behaved. Sorry I had forgotten about it but the playground thing made me think of it.

MrsNextDoor · 05/05/2015 10:00

granny that's nice. I remember once I was at a playground with DD who was about 5...and there were about 5 teenage lads on the roundabout...and they were monopolizing it and she was desperate for a go....she'd stood and looked at them for ages but they'd not noticed...she came up to me...moaning...so I told her to just go up and ask them....I was a bit nervous but didn't want her to be helpless about it.

She went up to them and asked and you know what they did? They not only got off but they span her round and made her laugh too. They looked a bit alarming but when I took proper notice, they were only about 14 or so...just tall and loud. Bless them.

grannytomine · 05/05/2015 11:58

MrsNextDoor, big boys can look scary but they are just boys. Slightly off topic but I used to work in a police station in a rough area, big tough boys being put in a cell would be crying for mummy. Well most of them, a few really were as tough as they looked.

My gran got locked in a park once, years ago, she was in her 70s and as she took a shortcut through the park the gates got locked. She was standing at the gates when a group of skinheads arrived and took the gates off its hinges and got her out then put the gate back. Made me wonder what the point of the gate was.

SaucyJack · 05/05/2015 12:21

It was off.

Cannot stand kids attention-seeking at the park. It's boring enough having to entertain my own toddler quite frankly.

Tanith · 05/05/2015 17:00

Unbelievably, I once had a father do this to my DD!

We were using a small village playground and I found out later that the villagers resented anyone else using their (Council funded) play area.

I stood and watched in amazement as this fully grown buffoon stood swinging himself in the toddler swing with the sole intention of preventing my little girl from using it. Idiot!

Tizwailor · 05/05/2015 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grannytomine · 05/05/2015 19:12

Tanith that is horrible. Just shows you though adult in a village behaving like that and then the inner city skinheads helping my granny. I bet he would look down his nose at them yet they could show him a thing or two about how to behave.

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