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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a piss taker

55 replies

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/05/2015 13:28

I've been laid low with hyperemesis the past three weeks. DH wanted to go to play golf sat I asked if he'd reconsider because of how ill I've felt. He's now having a paddy saying I'm a piss taker because I'm taking our kid out to a tearoom saying oh it's okay when you decide you want to go out despite the fact a I'm taking the kids out and b I still feel like shit

OP posts:
AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 14:11

I would ask my dp to stay at home and help if I was feeling really rough, he would do the same to me. It's one thing to struggle at home if your partner is at work, completely different imo if they want to play golf or another hobbie.

I wouldn't dream of leaving my dp at home with the kids if he was feeling rough while I went out and enjoyed myself.

basgetti · 04/05/2015 14:11

Rudeawakening do you have children? Having HG when you already have kids to look after isn't as simple as just being able to reach the bathroom.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 14:12

And so what if your feeling a bit better, surely that's a good thing ?

Rudawakening · 04/05/2015 14:12

Worral, possibly yes, but as I see it just because I have to be miserable doesn't mean DH has to as well. His being here wouldn't stop me being sick.

But I do understand that a lot of women do depend on their OH's probably more than I do.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/05/2015 14:13

for the 2 weeks prior to being taken into hospital I could not have survived without PIL coming over every single day to look after DD1 who was 18months while DH was at work. Yes, I could reach the bathroom - though had a bucket by the bed!! But it felt awful to even move my head off the bed and I could not even keep sips of water down. I was in no state to care for a toddler.
About a week after I came out of hospital, we managed to attend a wedding. But the whole time I was doing deep breathing and willing myself to get through the afternoon without having to dash off!

basgetti · 04/05/2015 14:15

In my recent HG pregnancy some days I couldn't get of bed. As soon as I felt remotely better I would always try to do something with DC1 because I felt guilty about being so useless most of the time and who knew when my next good day would be.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/05/2015 14:16

I normally don't do this but I wonder how it would have gone if the question was, "DH had food poisoning and was throwing up on Saturday, he asked me to cancel my spa day to look after the kids. Now, on Monday, he's well enough to have lunch out. Piss-taker". I don't understand how men have this inalienable right to play golf or cycle all day and women are expected to facilitate it regardless of anything else, including severe vomiting to add another child to add to the family.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 14:18

Grin Rudawakening, I love how you managed to stick the knife in a little bit more. Well done. Smile
It's fuck all to do with depending on an OH, having someone (not just anyone, but the other parent ) to look after the dc when you're ill makes more sense than trying to look after them by yourself, especially with something like HG. It's not just a cold. Why should a hobby come first ?

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 14:19

Yes, completely agree MrsPratchett.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/05/2015 14:20

exactly MrsTP

does not bode well for when their new baby is here and mum is shattered/sore boobs/stitches/struggling on little sleep and he is demanding his right to time off for fun with his mates!

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 04/05/2015 14:20

I think he'd have a point if OP had gone for a night out with friends, leaving him with the kids, then stopped him from going out to golf so he could look after the kids.
But when she went to a tea room, she took them, which I assume wasn't easy.
How many holes is it? (Golf.)

claravine · 04/05/2015 14:22

Yanbu, as forty eight hours later you feel better

Rudawakening · 04/05/2015 14:23

FFS, it's just my opinion, I wouldnt ask my DH to cancel plans. Why does that matter? If DH had plans and I couldn't cope I'd ask my mum, sister or PIL.

As I see it my DH is allowed a life outside the family unit, it works a well for us.

I can see why her DH is pissed off, I'm not apologising for my opinion nor will I carry on justifying it.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 04/05/2015 14:23

9 holes is probably unreasonable.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 14:25

Yes obviously both parents should have a life out of the family unit, but both parents should pull their weight in times of need.

LadyDeadpool · 04/05/2015 14:31

If OP does mean he wanted to play golf last saturday then I apologise that's definitely not piss taking.

pressone · 04/05/2015 14:32

This is not meant as a dig, but if you have explained what is happening as poorly to him as you have to us, then I am not surprised he is confused and thinks you are taking the piss.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/05/2015 14:32

Yes sorry I meant sat just gone! Doh!

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/05/2015 14:35

yes both parents have a right to their own time out, rude, but when one parent is ill, the other parent should prioritise looking after their kids over their hobby!

bloodyteenagers · 04/05/2015 14:37

And how many time have you asked him to cancel?

Rudawakening · 04/05/2015 14:38

Phantom, I don't agree sorry. My Dh works away or nights, he very rarely arranges plans with friends as a consequence. Therefore I won't ask him to cancel when he does unless I was in hospital or something, even then I'd think twice.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/05/2015 14:44

I've asked him once

OP posts:
basgetti · 04/05/2015 14:45

What if you were too poorly to care for existing kids and no one else could help?

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 14:46

Rudawakening, would you go out and leave your dp at home if he was ill ?

bloodyteenagers · 04/05/2015 14:46

Could have sent the kids with him. They might have enjoyed it

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