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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really bad parenting?

41 replies

Herblore · 03/05/2015 21:34

If my husband is away working overnight, I encourage my 5yo DS to sleep in my bed with me. I started doing it when he was younger because it was easier than me having to keep getting up and going backwards and forwards during the night. But now he would happily sleep in his own bed all through the night but I have kept this habit going. I admit that I do it for completely selfish reasons because I like having someone to snuggle with when DH isn't home.

I sort of think it's probably a bad idea, and obviously as he gets older I'm going to have to stop doing it eventually...

Opinions?

OP posts:
drivingmisspotty · 03/05/2015 21:36

If you're a bad parent so am I. Love doing this!

Purplepoodle · 03/05/2015 21:37

If u say to him 'do u want to sleep in mums bed tonight' and he says yes without persuasion, I can't really see the harm as long as he is happy in his own bed the rest of the time

esiotrot2015 · 03/05/2015 21:37

Sounds lovely !
How often is dh away ?

VacantExpression · 03/05/2015 21:37

I love doing it too. He's 5, not 15. enjoy it while you can! How can extra snuggles be bad parenting? YANBU

ThisFenceIsComfy · 03/05/2015 21:38

I would leave the choice up to your son really.

Joolsy · 03/05/2015 21:39

I do it too with both of mine and they are 11 and 6 (one at a time though). I love it cos 1. they take up less room and 2. they don't snore (though DD2 is a wriggler!) They argue whose turn it is next!

Littlefish · 03/05/2015 21:40

When dh is away (usually for 2 weeks at a time), dd is allowed to choose 1 night to come and sleep with me. She loves it. I love it slightly less because I absolutely love having the bed to myself! However, she's 10 now, so I know she's not going to choose to sleep with me for long, so I'm making the most of it.

Fabulassie · 03/05/2015 21:41

I work long hours and travel for business so bedtime is really precious for me and my boys. I can't fit all three in so there's always an argument over which two and then who gets to be next to me!

rebelfor · 03/05/2015 21:41

My 10 year old still gets in with me if her dad is working away. Enjoy it while they still want to.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 03/05/2015 21:41

The day will come when he doesn't want to any more so make the most of it while you can.

TiggieBoo · 03/05/2015 21:41

It sounds lovely. I do the same with both of mine because we read a story in my bed in the evening and they just fall asleep there. I don't care if it's bad parenting or not, we love it.

MrsKCastle · 03/05/2015 21:44

Depends what you mean by 'encourage'. Absolutely fine to offer him the choice, but not to try and persuade him.

Cabrinha · 03/05/2015 21:44

It feels wrong to me, because you want him there to replace your husband, not because you want to cuddle him for his own sake.
I'm not saying you don't love to cuddle him! But your motivation is about you, not him.

If you would happily have him in with both of you too, fine. But otherwise - it will become clear to him that he's being "used" (sorry, it's a harsh word so I'll use inverted commas as I don't mean it as strongly as it sounds!)

I'm a big fan of co sleeping. My 6yo is in with me all the time. I like sleeping on my own too though, and so that 5/14 nights when she's with my XH. It's totally her choice and instigation - I'm frequently remind her she has a lovely room next door, and she says "yeah, but I like being with you". When her cousins stay over, she ditches me like a shot for sharing with them Grin

I think you should put him back in his own room.

BifsWif · 03/05/2015 21:45

Bad parent here too then! I love it, I love snuggling him and there's nothing better than him waking me up with a cuddle in the morning Smile

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 03/05/2015 21:47

My girls ask to when DH is away. We do one night (so one each week) now the baby is in his own room.

I wouldn't make them though.

lastlines · 03/05/2015 21:48

It sounds fine so long as he doesn't feel rejected if he's not allowed in when his dad is back.

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2015 21:51

Just leave the choice up to your DS.

Personally I love star fishing when my DH is on night shift!

ginagslovechild · 03/05/2015 21:51

I used to do this with my mum, it was a really special thing and I know it provided her comfort when my dad was on nights doing a dangerous job.
Contemplating doing this soon with my dd who is 3 when dh goes on a week long training course next month, but worried she might not want to sleep in her own bed afterwards!

Cabrinha · 03/05/2015 21:53

Oh, the star fishing! Grin

shrugs off child's leg lying across my 12" strip of superkingsize bed

Bloody cosleeping!
Love it.
But think the "co-" bit is misleading Wink

Dieu · 03/05/2015 21:58

Feeling like a bad parent now, as I can't bear to share my bed and will turn down any requests Blush

Rockinghorse123 · 03/05/2015 21:58

I have lovely memories of being allowed in my mams bed when dad worked away. Like others have said enjoy while he still wants to!

cleanmyhouse · 03/05/2015 21:59

My boys finally stopped wanting to do this within the last year or so. I miss it so much. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Starlightbright1 · 03/05/2015 22:08

I am a single mum..Co slept for many years..He now either does a starfish impression, or kicks me in back puts his legs all over me.. So I can only assume your Dc does not sleep in the same fashion.

I think again it is the encourage that makes me uncomfortable

AlpacaMyBags · 03/05/2015 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teeththief · 03/05/2015 22:15

Ignore cabribha. My 10 and 8 year olds take it in turns to sleep in my bed when DH is away. Doesn't bother anyone in our house. Nobody else's business

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