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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at DH

36 replies

BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:03

I am 38 weeks pregnant, so accept I might be overreacting slightly, but I have just picked my DH up from a day at the football with all his uncles/cousins/friends and been congratulated on the lovely name we have chosen for baby.

Nobody, not even my mum, knows the name we had picked and DH knew full well I wanted to keep something just for 'us'. Now his whole sodding family know Sad

I'm so angry, I don't even want to use the name anymore and I'm currently upstairs not speaking to him. It's not that he's over excited or anything like that, he just had one to many beers and couldn't keep his mouth shut when asked if we had a name yet.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GERTI · 03/05/2015 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tequilashotsfor1 · 03/05/2015 19:04

I'd be upset if he had agreed to keep it quiet.

Think of another

PicaK · 03/05/2015 19:05

No not in the slightest bit unreasonable.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 03/05/2015 19:06

Why's he having so much to drink when you're so far on? I'd be more worried about that to be honest.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 19:06

If you both still like the name, why change it,just because his family know. Yes I would be upset, but its not the end of the world.

shewept · 03/05/2015 19:06

Yanbu.

But i am shocked people Congratulated you on picking a name.

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:07

I suppose that's true.

Furious is probably an overreaction but he's heard me lie say to so many people when ive been asked that we haven't chosen a name yet, I just can't understand why he'd blurt it out in the pub in front of everyone.

OP posts:
lemonyone · 03/05/2015 19:08

Bifswifs.
Your DH is a bit of a twit, and you are right to be cross. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater (per se!)
If you like the name then why not just use it anyway. This is definitely a problem that you won't even worry about a couple of years down the line.Good luck with the birth!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/05/2015 19:09

He's excited and drunk. Silly but not grounds for fury.

I would, however, tell him that the name is ruined and you are now going to call the child Widget. Stick to it for a few days.

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:09

I know - I didn't think you congratulated people on names either, but they did!

The having a drink isn't an issue, I had no problem with him going out on one last jolly before baby arrives. It was me that insisted he went. Regretting that now though!

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 03/05/2015 19:10

No, you're not being unreasonable.

However, I'm the world's worst at keeping secrets (especially following a sherbet or two) so I couldn't stay furious for very long myself.

But if you like the name, keep it. If you have a back up that you now prefer, then use that instead. Once baby's here, this will be totally forgotten.

Congratulations - wishing you a safe and speedy delivery.

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:11

Thanks for making me feel better, widget it is!

I know I'm hormonal and overreacting, but he should know that Grin

I'm going to have a hot bath and early night and hopefully will feel calmer in the morning.

OP posts:
WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 03/05/2015 19:15

We had a name in mind for our second child but when she was born it just didn't seem to suit her! Actually, I was sure if I had a girl she would have this name. I took one look at her and knew it would have been wrong.

I don't think YABU to want to keep your chosen name to yourselves at this stage. Hopefully your DH make it up to you. Flowers

AliceHoney · 03/05/2015 19:19

YANBU. I'd be livid. However: it's (presumably) a name you love, that you've spent ages choosing, that you've worked out goes well with your surname, etc etc, and in a few months' time, when you're settled into life with your lovely baby, you might be sorry that you'd gone with a name that wasn't your favourite just because of something (admittedly very stupid and thoughtless) that your DH had done a few months before. Do you see what I mean? Not to minimise the upset that you feel now, because if I was in your place I would be absolutely raging, but as you say, you're 38 weeks pregnant and probably more sensitive than usual, so I don't think you should make a snap decision. Best of luck with the next couple of weeks and with your new baby!

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:20

Thanks Alice, I know you're right.

OP posts:
silverglitterpisser · 03/05/2015 19:21

Yanbu, I would be raging too. Alcohol slackens so many jaws doesn't it!

I can understand u feeling that u want to change the name too but try not to b hasty. U may end up not using a name u love for kneejerk reasons.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 03/05/2015 19:24

how will he be when he's sobered up OP?

will he be sulky or apologetic?

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:30

I'm getting puppy dog eyes already Phantom. I know I'm making a bigger deal of it than I normally would because of how hormonal I am so ive just taken myself off to calm down rather than flip my lid at him. I know he's sorry and it wasn't malicious but I'm still pissed off about it.

OP posts:
Aurochs · 03/05/2015 19:32

I am not normally one to point up hard-wired differences between men and women (men can't multitask etc. bollocks) however I think there is a big difference when one of you is heavily pregnant and the other isn't. He can't know how it feels and what it's like when hormones really make everything seem so important and emotional. He was an idiot, but I'd guess there was something about the situation that made him feel in the centre of things and getting lots of attention, and he couldn't resist running with it. I know I would be bloody fuming too, but I also know I'd probably forget all about it a few weeks later and I'd be sad if I hadn't used the name because of it.

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2015 19:34

Is this a 'thing'?

I genuinely didn't know anyone did this apart from the royals

I can understand people keeping pregnancies secret for the first few months, but names is a new one for me.

Either way, YANBU if he'd promised to keep this secret.

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:35

Well this is the nicest AIBU thread ever! I expected to be flamed Blush

Thank you, I do know you're all right and it's not worth changing the name over. I just really wanted to keep part of it all private that's all.

OP posts:
Totality22 · 03/05/2015 19:40

We had a name picked, if asked we happily told people with the caveat it was our preferred name but we'd see of it suited baby

I don't get why people get so secretive about their name? I used to go on a pregnancy website and some women would refuse to discuss names saying they "wanted to reveal after the birth" - like a bunch of strangers online really give a shit?

I get why you are annoyed if you agreed to keep it secret but its really not that big a deal. With the greatest respect no one else cares about your baby name that much.

I'd maybe mention chosen name to your side of family if you feel bad they don't know?

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:45

It's not about whether people care or not (this isn't my PFB by the way).

We've had previous losses and complications, there have been a lot of appointments/tests right from the start and we've been open and honest with everyone about those, and in all honestly we really didn't expect to ever get this far. We put off naming her because I was worried that made her 'real' and i'd jinx it if that makes sense?

We've spent a lot of time discussing names late into the night, it's been lovely, and I didn't want to keep her name secret so we could do a huge announcement, I just wanted to keep something for us until she's safely here. I realise how ridiculous that sounds but that's how I feel.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 03/05/2015 19:47

Yanbu, such a betrayal of trust. I would be so upset.

Original poster
BifsWif · 03/05/2015 19:50

Thanks for all of your responses and well wishes, ive asked for this thread to be deleted because of all the details - scared it will out me!

OP posts: