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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be gopping mad at this woman who posted my DCs party invite on social media!?

526 replies

VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 14:02

I made some daft invites to look like magazine covers for DCs upcoming birthday to use up a load of old photo paper.

I found it odd that I was getting text message acceptances and requests to bring siblings from mothers of children I had never heard of- when quizzed the same name came up and a mention of a Social Networking site.

It turns out one of the mother's of a child in Dc's class took a photo of the invite (which had date/time/venue)on her wall and posted it on FB under an event (wtf?)

I've hired the venue out privately and am panicking the party will be ruined, we will end up in the local paper because 200 kids turn up wanted to be entertained and fed.

I asked the mother directly and she denied it and I have no proof (screen shot etc) although I am STILL getting texts

DC will be heartbroken if I cancel I just do not know what to do for the best. The last thing I'd want it having to stand by the venue door for 3 hours instead of joining in a celebrating a birthday- It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact my child will be 7 but this is the first time we've ever held a party.

Any advice on how to handle would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
ememem84 · 09/05/2015 09:16

cannot believe the cheek of some people. good luck today OP. please le us know how it went...

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 09/05/2015 09:16

Fighter she's noticed by her absence. She cannot have relatives doing the school run forever!

I'm not interested in a showdown. I won't give her the time of day.

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 09/05/2015 09:17

Oh my word I cannot comprehend the woman's brass neck! Shock

Hope today goes well and that you manage to grip the crazy one in the future

BigRedBall · 09/05/2015 09:19

Unbelievable!

Aermingers · 09/05/2015 09:22

From the text from the other mother I think I've guessed what's going on here. And it's playground politics.

40 children are invited but not the whole class. But if 40 are coming, including family, most of the class must be coming and only a few won't be invited.

I think that the mother who posted on Facebook is probably friends with the women whose children are not invited and they have taken umbrage. It sounds like the other mothers are in on it, it may never even have been posted on Facebook, that might just be a cover story.

Just excluding a few children is not nice. But that should have been dealt with directly with you. If this had happened to me I would have told you I wasn't sending my child because some children had been excluded. Behaving like this is immature and nasty.

But I suspect from the fact that the other mother knows something is amiss means they're noses are out of joint for some reason and they think it's justified, probably because of non-invites. But there is no reason to take it out on your son, he's a child.

I would take the advice of others above re how to deal with the non-invitees. But I might also ask the school to investigate on Monday. This could be a form of bullying potentially. I would make them aware of what happened anyway.

ChestyNut · 09/05/2015 09:23

Hope it all goes well today!

Aermingers · 09/05/2015 09:24

What time is the party?

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 09/05/2015 09:29

Aermingus- your maths is wrong roughly a third of my DCs actual class are coming- you all have to brief classmates who do not get invited to parties? That's bloody bonkers.Potential bullying ???Confused

OP posts:
Aermingers · 09/05/2015 09:37

I meant that this woman's actions are potentially bullying your son, not you bulIyimh.

think 2/3 would still put the noses of the non-invitees out. It's still most of the class. I always think it's better to go for either a small group of friends or the whole class. Inviting most but not all is always going to cause upset. I wonder if maybe some of the other mothers were standing with her when you gave her the invitation?

Anyway, regardless for the reasons behind what they're doing there can be absolutely no excuse for their behaviour. Deliberately spoiling a child's birthday party is cruel. If they felt aggrieved for some reason they could have dealt with it like adults instead of vindictive little children.

Aermingers · 09/05/2015 09:37

Sorry! I misread, thought you said 2/3!

Aermingers · 09/05/2015 09:39

I still think it might be people who weren't invited being spiteful. And I do think you should report it to the school as bullying. I can't think of anything more bullying than delberately ruining a child's birthday party.

Momagain1 · 09/05/2015 09:41

i think Aermingus meant your child might end up getting bullied, if these supposedly umbrage taking parents rile their children up about non-invites. The situation is bizarre enough that unless today is completely unremarkable, it might be worth a heads up to the teacher that the kids might be taking sectarian positions between your dc and the other poor kid.

Momagain1 · 09/05/2015 09:42

Slow typing x-post

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 09/05/2015 09:42

Aermingers I gave her invite to her in the car. Discreet!
Anyway- it's done.

OP posts:
ItsRainingInBaltimore · 09/05/2015 09:46

I think it might be something to do with her settings and maybe she didn't do it on purpose? I once turned up to a thing hosted by a friend of mine (although it was for a separate group of friends and I hadn't actually been invited) because she has created an event and the details of the event popped up on my newsfeed as somehow it got shared to all of her friends, even the ones who were not invited. This was in my early days as a facebook user and I thought the invitation was meant for me or was somehow an open invitation to any of her friends. (it was a coffee/brunch thing in her garden one summer's morning.)

I was very embarrassed about it but she was great and made me welcome, and she undersood how the misunderstanding occurred.

I've seen a few an event is being hosted by…blah blah' posts on my feed since then but now I understand the difference between when I am invited and when I am not!

Most people have their settings so that it doesn't show to anyone other than those invited.

beezlebop · 09/05/2015 09:47

Good luck today!

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 09/05/2015 09:48

Oh sorry I see I've completely got the wrong end of the stick here - it was the other woman who created the event in the first place, not the OP. Apologies.

YouTheCat · 09/05/2015 09:51

Itsraining, have you read the update on the previous page?

This woman is telling other parents that the OP and her were having a joint birthday but OP got huffy and pulled out of it. There is no misunderstanding.

YouTheCat · 09/05/2015 09:51

Oops cross post there Grin

SoldierBear · 09/05/2015 09:52

So, FB mum posts a picture of the invitation as an "event" and "invites" her FB friends to said event.
that is deliberate.
When asked by OP about the messages she's getting, FB mum threatens to call the police.
OP discovers FB mum is having picnic party for her DC prior to the event and appears to have invited her mates DC to gatecrash the event
FB mum then withdraws her invited child from the party
FB mum suddenly stops collecting her DC from school, a deviation from her normal routine
OP discovers FB mum is spreading lies about the event, claiming she has been "ousted"

I can't see that there has been anything but
a) bare faced cheek to start off with
b) guilt at being found out
c) deceit
d) deliberate lying in an attempt to make OP look awful
e) calculated behaviour that has a pattern of escalating

FB mum sounds a very nasty piece of work.

CakeUpWall · 09/05/2015 09:54

Well, this is one birthday party you won't forget. Luckily my DCs are too old for all those shenanigans now, but I remember the angst and resulting playground politics as if it was yesterday.

Good luck today, OP. (And better luck next year Grin)

yearofthegoat · 09/05/2015 09:57

It is the day of reckoning. I hope all goes well and DS has a great party.

ClumsyNinja · 09/05/2015 10:02

I think FB mum needs to buy a bakery shop load of humble pies to hand out at school on Monday if she's to ever live this down.

AlistairSim · 09/05/2015 10:03

What a tangled web, eh?

Lweji · 09/05/2015 10:10

We're never having another party. Kfc, A Kipling pie and some party poppers next year.

Don't let this affect you. Have another party next year. Just make sure it cannot possibly be messed up with. Name on the invite, and so on.