12 year olds having phones on a sleepover

[innerturmoil]

So my DD (12) asked if she could have an impromptu sleepover last night with 2 friends she was hanging out with after school. I said yes. I have 2 other younger kids 8 and 10. I let the older girls watch a film in a bedroom but said that at 10-10:30 when the film was over that the TV went off and they had to put their phones away. My DD went crazy because she wanted to keep her phone with her all night (usually she leaves it downstairs at bedtime) and said that the others would have theirs on etc. I knew it would mean they would be texting/taking photos/playing games and god knows what til all hours. I didn't want to embarrass my daughter further by seizing her phone so I just told her I trusted her that she would put it away. I'm sure she didn't as they were up til 2am. What do other people do? I hate the way all our arguments are about screens! Phones/ipads etc and I worry about the stuff they access. Anyway would be good to hear what other people think/do.

DC have to learn to just get on with it

I think that comes across as very harsh given that this is supposed to be a fun thing. A sleepover shouldnt be a test endurance.

On the whole I think that the people who cant be trusted with the internet and mobile phones cant be trusted whatever time of day.

I think of it more in terms of a curfew. Children might be allowed out with their friends until a certain time, they might even be allowed out a little longer if they have friends over for a sleepover, but you still don't then let them stay out all night, just because they're having a sleepover. Sensible rules which protect them can still be enforced.

It's been interesting reading other parents' points of view. Some seem to be arguing two different points. Some want their child to always have access to their phone so they are contactable/they can contact their parents at any hour. Others seem to think Instagram and texting until dawn is an innocent pasttime all teenagers should be free to engage in. Ultimately I am not comfortable with what they could be doing whilst, as someone else said 'on my watch'. Texting someone during the hours when sleep takes place is a bit like phoning someone at 2am. Then there's the whole exposure to screens before bed stopping sleep. Some of the girls might actually want to get some sleep. In my experience it's usually not all of them who want to stay awake all night. For these reasons, it doesn't seem that unreasonable to place a curfew on the screens.

As for those who want their child to have a get out if they feel uncomfortable, they still have until quite late in the evening to use their phone if they decide they want to go home or feel creeped out by someone else in the house.

we don't have a no phone upstairs rule, but generally phones are left downstairs anyhow - since generally we have a 9pm phone curfew.

Sleepovers are an exception. But wifi goes off when I've had enough of their noise. Usually makes them go to sleep.

Agree with Body. Child should be allowed to contact parents. Wouldn't let my child go if phone removed.

My dc's school have school trips/residentials where no tech is allowed at all. The longest one is 10 days abroad. This is a secondary school but the trips start in Y7 and all the children seem to manage without their phones/ipods etc. Then again, my oldest 3 dc were born pre-mobile phone days and they managed just fine!
My DH's first mobile was the size of a small suitcase and as heavy as a case of bricks, teenagers wouldn't have been able to carry it!

I've just asked 13 year old dd her opinion.

She says she would have no problem adhering to a all devices downstairs by a certain time & would welcome that boundary.

I have two 14 year olds and I've never even thought about taking gadgets away from them or their friends during sleepovers, seems odd and controlling to me.

My girls are not allowed gadgets or phones in bedrooms at night the rest of the time, but surely sleepovers are meant to be different and fun. I get annoyed at noise or running about after a certain time, but I don't care if they get little sleep, they'll get over it, not as if it's every night, and I'm sure the other parents in their social group think the same.

Myballsaresandy - given that only 3 years ago, most 12 year olds wouldn't have owned a smart phone, why do you find it odd that other parents would deem them an unsuitable gadget to be used unsupervised by a preteen in the early hours of the morning? Controlling? That seems a bit of an overreaction. Do you allow your 12 year old to use their smart phone 24/7? At school? At the dinner table?

Wow well I didn't expect such a response and from such different viewpoints as well. It's very interesting to read and I'm glad im not on my own in my thoughts. Of course I did not expect 3 12 year olds to go to sleep at 10.30 but I did expect that would be the start of the fun sleepover time when they would chat, giggle, talk about who they fancy, eat a few smuggled in sweets etc rather than stare at the TV or individually look at their instagram etc. for me it's more a social issue. I want DD to be able to have fun without relying on her phone and just focus on her friends instead. The porn, inappropriate Internet stuff is another worry but at this stage not the main one. One of the mothers who came to pick up told me that they had the same rule and it wouldn't have been a problem to ask her DD to leave phone downstairs, and of course if there was a mercy call to be made I would have left them on the kitchen table, not locked them away. I don't believe 12 year olds need to have instant texting access to parents 24 hours a day. It knocks their confidence as they then rely on it.

I know this is an old thread, but had this issue just last night. My 12 year old DS had a friend over and was horrified when I removed laptops and phones at 11pm. They had been on them all afternoon and evening so hardly as if I'd been restrictive! I think the whole thing has got totally out of hand. Phones can access ANYTHING and the idea of leaving them to do whatever they like all night seems massively irresponsible to me. They are still children and some boundaries are important. I think. Not saying it's easy… the pushback is massive. The easy option would clearly be to let them remain attached 24/7…. Would love to see more posts/updates on views about this.