To be just a little bit annoyed? I'm not being unreasonable, surely (wedding related)

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

So, dh has a lovely friend who I like a lot. He's very disorganised and wants to make everyone happy, and there's no way on earth that we're going to fall out with him over this because it would be daft.

But am I unreasonable to be a little pissed off by the following?

Dh and I had a very small wedding (literally us and the dcs and our parents). It was lovely. But we always planned to have a sort of reception later on. This year one of us has a significant birthday, and it seemed like a great idea to have a big party and finally celebrate both the birthday and our wedding with our nearest and dearest.

So we send out invites and straight away dh's friend (who I shall call Albert) gets back to us saying, "I'm so sorry! I meant to say sooner! That's the date we've picked for our wedding". Unfortunately he had told the friends he sees more regularly, so essentially a load of mutual friends were already booked.

On the one hand we didn't want to lose any of the people who were coming, on the other, this was one of dh's oldest friends and we wanted both to go to his wedding, and for them to come to our party.

So dh discussed it with Albert who was very apologetic. He clarified that yes we were all invited (dcs too) since we'd have no childcare that weekend and we said we'd see what we could do.

So we called all the people who had said they would come, and luckily they were all able to do our alternative date. And then we called all those who hadn't rsvp'd yet, and let them know the new date. And we sent out revised invitations. And it was a hassle, but it was worth it, and all was well.

Then Albert said he couldn't come to the new date either as they were going to go on holiday.

It was a shame, but not the end of the world. We still got to go to the wedding.

Now, Albert had booked out the hotel and had promised us two rooms for the dcs. But knowing Albert as we do, I asked dh to message him to just double check that was really happening.

We got a reply back saying "just one room, no space for non-family dcs".

Now I don't object to that in theory, but he'd bloody told us they were invited! Dh even double checked! We have it in writing and everything :o

We moved everything and now there's a good chance that we won't be able to make it anyway! Even if we get a babysitter my youngest will only be 5 months and BF.

The good thing is that other friends who are attending the wedding will now be coming to our party. So there are definite silver linings.

But am I being unreasonable to think that Albert is a bit of a wankbadger?

Thanks for all the great advice. We shall have a think about what we can do and go from there.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who thought it was rude.

Just say sorry but we had to rearrange our entire party around you and now you've decided to change your mind and uninvite our children? We won't be able to make it now. Thanks for pissing us around.

^^
This. And I probably would send it after stewing on it for an hour or over a couple of

TapDancing :o I'll fill dh full of wine and encourage him to seize the day.

well, is there a middle ground here?
It is possible he is struggling with numbers especially as you are a big family, so you could do the 'Albert you daft bugger' text, but offer to just bring the 2 youngest (or 3 youngest).

or, just go to ceremony with everyone and then you go out for pub lunch on the way home?

Depends how much you want to keep in touch in the long run.

I would need to let him know though, otherwise any future relationship is doomed

Thanks Steppe.

Dh has spoken to him. Albert was very apologetic (first thing he said was how sorry he is), and explained that we're not the only ones. He had told all friends they could bring dcs, but when it came to calculating numbers (madly done after and not before!) they realised they couldn't accommodate friends' dcs.

So to a certain extent I'm pleased it's not just us, but on the other hand, I don't know any other friends with dcs in their friendship group (so they must be on the bride's side), so I'm hoping it's not actually just us and being made out to be more.

Dh told him that we may not be able to come. He apologised again. Dh does believe that he wants us there and that this is a genuine (and completely Albert-like mistake). He does want to go, but not without me.

I told him I'd feel a lot more like he wanted us to be there if he was actually making any effort to come to our do.

So I still feel annoyed. But we'll probably go. As someone said he'll probably be all charming and it will be swept under the carpet, but I've made it very clear to dh that we will not be changing any plans to fit with Albert ever again.

I think Dh has accepted that he and Albert are not as close as they used to be. Dh was married before when he was very young, Albert was actually his best man. So not even being asked to be an usher pretty much says it all.

We'll all be seeing each other in a couple of months at another friend's wedding (where the dcs are very much invited!), so hopefully we can clear the air then.

Bloody Albert.

That you think it might be swept under the carpet.

Update is that dh has decided he doesn't want to go to the wedding. It's a shame, but the hassle, expense and inconvenience to other people involved (babysitting would mean a lot of juggling since no one person can do the whole weekend), when it's not really clear that we're wanted, has swung things this way.

We're going to be seeing them at another event soon. Albert hasn't responded at all to dh's email explaining that we can't make it and wishing them well. So we shall see how that goes.

Thanks again for all the advice