AIBU to feel fucking ANGRY at some of the parents at toddler group?

[outtahell]

We (my partner and I) go to a toddler group with our 16 month old and 3 month old. The 16 month old loves it as he gets to push cars round a huge hall (obsessed with wheels, bless).

The problem is a lot of the bigger toddlers are very snatchy which is normal but some of the mums give zero fucks and one very snatchy boy's mother was in the side room for little babies so he wasn't even in her sight. I am waiting on counselling for anxiety/depression so I know some things are bigger deals to me than most right now but it's so horrible to see my son cry because he's had a toy taken off him YET AGAIN.

My partner and I have both started to say no and gently take the toy back and one time another mother (NOT the other toddler's mother) was incensed enough to take the toy off the other toddler and give it back to my boy.

I know some snatching is normal but the lack of supervision from some mums just fuck's me off. AIBU?

And I find it really sad that anyone can call a 3 year old 'nasty'.

In fairness, I don't think anyone did.

This confused me too Dojo! Who called 3 year olds 'nasty'? Thought I was being obtuse.

You have to cut someone a bit of slack, it's pretty hard to simultaneously watch a toddler and for eg feed a baby.

DS is a snatchee and yes it's a pain and he gets upset but I know it's hard to watch toddlers 100% of the time.

Honestly o.p. It's not worth getting wound up over toddlers snatching. It's just part of their development and learning. It's not nice I agree , but, These things happen 1,000 times a day with children.
Easier said than done but you really do need to relax

If you can keep trying a few different playgroups. I went to loads before I found one where I was able to enjoy it rather than stressing out. You'll find some groups are a lot quieter and at the age your child isr you might find it a bit easier. For some reason the Monday play groups are generally the busiest and most chaotic round our way.

Afternoon ones are usually quieter around here if you can do that as most people go out in the mornings.

You are being overly anxious about this. I speak as someone who is prone to being anxious myself

It's a normal part of baby / toddler life.

I'm sure you don't want to pass on anxieties to your child. The important lesson for your child to learn is it's not a big deal if a toy is snatched - just ignore it and find something else to play with.

The world is full of things that make us angry or anxious or sad but we can learn to control how we react to them. A good lesson for a child. I would prefer my child to see me reacting to a small incident like that in an easy going manner rather than being all wound up.

You can talk to your child afterwards about how the child who snatched didn't make the right choice - and about what would have been a nicer way for that child to act.

I think I was more anxious when DS1 was a baby and I thought all the 3 year olds looked so big & rough. Now DS2 is aged 3 and really he's only a little baby who's still learning how to behave.

Is toddler group attendance that scientific? We get anything between 20 and 60 children at ours. There is no rhyme or reason that I can see. On the 60 weeks you can see people thinking 'jeez this is hell' .... So it will be dead for a couple of weeks after

Is toddler group attendance that scientific? We get anything between 20 and 60 children at ours. There is no rhyme or reason that I can see. On the 60 weeks you can see people thinking 'jeez this is hell' .... So it will be dead for a couple of weeks after

I think there are patronising comments regardless of whether you work FT, PT or SAH.

After all a woman's place is in the wrong...

whoops wrong thread

Anger is a huge part of being where you're at right now, been there and done that.

If it is really increasing your stress, think about a different sort of activity for now, like a structured class or playground.

The best way to relax is to realise that things are what they are: to realise that a lot of our stress is wishing things were other than what they are. This is absolutely normal at playgroup.

You don't know that the others give zero fucks, that's just a thought you're having. They could be in the pits and too anxious to intervene, maybe they never saw, maybe they are distracted thinking of the baby... Maybe... Maybe..

Go easy on yourself. This will pass.

What really does my head in is when a parent starts bollocking their kid because they think I expect it. NO Johnny, we have to SHARE, say sorry, STOP that, etc etc. In fact little Johnny has done nothing worse than giving my kid a funny look or trying to sit down on the same chair as her, and neither my kid nor me give a shit. I don't like seeing little Johnny being told off for imaginary etiquette failure, though.

This is why I don't go to toddler groups.

Maybe try a different playgroup? We've been to both Montessori and Steiner playgroups that were lovely and the level of supervision and interference was much higher. The parents seemed more aligned in the type of behaviours they were aiming for. They were smaller groups with mostly the same people every week. They were much less stressful.

Much as I adore dh I wouldn't want him at a toddler group would make it harder to make friends. Still great pals with 8 women I met at toddler groups 6 years later can be a good way of making local friends

This was the bit I was referring to:

I remember one Mum whose son would snatch, bite, and be a complete pain she had two close together like you. One day she broke down in tears so I sent her off for a walk with the baby, grabbed the little sod and kept him by my side saying no every thirty seconds until he got it. This nasty lady was not going to wear it.

Ok, so the nasty bit I got wrong - she was referring to herself. I misread it as nasty lad. My bad. But I still don't like the way children are sort of pidgeon holed at an early age into being the one that always snatches. Or am I being too idealistic? I don't know. I've never been to a toddler group. I think I might never go!!!

I don't actually think snatching is unusual or terrible behaviour when you're 2 years old. I don't think it is "pigeon holing" to say this happens quite a lot at toddler groups. I'm not totally sure I fully understand your logic there popalot.

That said, is it acceptable behaviour which should be ignored completely? No, I don't think so. There is a way to correct behaviour gently without "pigeon holing" or whatever.

Snatching is so common I don't think it's pidgeon holing.

Perfectly nice and lovely children with caring attentive parents are more than capable of behaving like small Phil Mitchell's in a soft play.