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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel fucking ANGRY at some of the parents at toddler group?

68 replies

outtahell · 30/04/2015 17:12

We (my partner and I) go to a toddler group with our 16 month old and 3 month old. The 16 month old loves it as he gets to push cars round a huge hall (obsessed with wheels, bless).

The problem is a lot of the bigger toddlers are very snatchy which is normal but some of the mums give zero fucks and one very snatchy boy's mother was in the side room for little babies so he wasn't even in her sight. I am waiting on counselling for anxiety/depression so I know some things are bigger deals to me than most right now but it's so horrible to see my son cry because he's had a toy taken off him YET AGAIN.

My partner and I have both started to say no and gently take the toy back and one time another mother (NOT the other toddler's mother) was incensed enough to take the toy off the other toddler and give it back to my boy.

I know some snatching is normal but the lack of supervision from some mums just fuck's me off. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lesausage · 30/04/2015 18:57

Agree with cool I'm fat and a fab mum!

although I don't shop at primary

anothernumberone · 30/04/2015 19:01

I would intervene on behalf on my child in that circumstance. I would not be too bothered by either the child or mothers behaviour. Easy to get distracted at playgroup and toddlers snatch. Be part of the village dealing with the children. Just don't start playing with the toy yourself no one thinks it is ok for a grown up to snatch from a toddler Grin.

whatsagoodusername · 30/04/2015 19:04

You will need to intervene if the other parents don't - it's annoying but necessary.

I've got the same age gap as you, so totally get where you're coming from. It's a shit time with them being that small and that close in age. Anything that makes it harder is just infuriating. But take it easy, your DC1 will grow to be awesomely independent and take care of him/herself and when they are a bit older it will be fabulous.

Vijac · 30/04/2015 19:09

The problem could be laziness but could also be different parenting philosophies. If my child hurt someone or obviously snatched then I would intervene but at the same time I believe in not getting involved too much.

That way kids tend to sort it out themselves. It's like when kids play nicely together and as soon as a parent enters the room it's back to whining and fighting. I think some of the most snatchy toddlers are the ones who get loads of attention for it. And the most whiny ones if something is taken away, are the ones who get overdone sympathy.

Plus it must be annoying to continually have your play interrupted by orders and tellings off. Like I say, there is a line where you need to intervene but some mums could step back more.

DoJo · 30/04/2015 19:15

And I find it really sad that anyone can call a 3 year old 'nasty'.

In fairness, I don't think anyone did.

ShadowFire · 30/04/2015 19:23

The Primark near me doesn't even have clothes that fit fat people.

But yes. Parents who let their child run riot are annoying. Although if the parent in question is dealing with a baby as well, and therefore unable to pay complete attention to snatchy toddler, I'd be inclined to cut them a bit of slack. Especially if the toddler group is badly laid out so that the baby area is in a different room from the toddler area.

KnitKnitPurl · 30/04/2015 19:23

I run a toddler group, and snatching happens all the time. Usually the carers involved sorry it out, but every now and then we get one who just doesn't notice/care. In that case we (the leaders) generally intervene if we need to. It could be worth asking the leaders to keep an eye out.

I've never understood how some groups have a separate room for babies - surely you then have loads of unsupervised 3-year-olds going biccies in the other room?!

bronya · 30/04/2015 19:28

If you look around and try different toddler groups, you will find that the levels of supervision from the parents differ. We have one where my 2 year old just gets really scared. Lots of snatching and pushing with little intervention. At others, there is far more intervention by the parents who attend, and he actively plays with the other children. Choose one that suits your children.

306235388 · 30/04/2015 19:34

Yanbu it's annoying but I've always just said 'x was playing with that, you can have a shot in a minute' and take it back. Always give it back again in 5 minutes.

Also are there many people with 2 parents there? Tbh dh works a lot and sometimes when I was at a toddler group it was the only time I got to talk to someone over the age of 4 and I needed to zone out a wee bit.

editthis · 30/04/2015 19:51

At least it's only snatching. My daughter was bitten at a toddler group the other day and now I'm dreading the occasion the bitee decides to turn biter, as surely she must...

Though to be honest, I felt just as sorry for the shark-toddler's mother as I did for DD; she was so embarrassed.

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 19:51

Maybe the poorly supervised toddlers belong to the poor people trying to organise it.... so yabu I think.

KERALA1 · 30/04/2015 20:15

Yabu the only time my usually beautifully behaved toddler sank her teeth into an innocent child's arm was whilst I was in the kitchen attempting to rustle up 40 cups of coffee

KERALA1 · 30/04/2015 20:16

Oh and I was on my own there with 2 under 3 as were most other parents so cut some slack please

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 20:16

haha yes exactly Kerala

MuddlingMackem · 30/04/2015 20:16

The toddler groups I know where the organisers' own children are they all have a friend or two watching out for the organiser's child as well as their own, so I don't think that's an excuse except occasionally.

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 20:17

Not that I would describe my 3 year old as 'beautifully behaved' Grin

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 20:18

OK muddling, maybe you'd like to try it sometime.

MuddlingMackem · 30/04/2015 20:19

Try what?

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 20:20

Try helping to organise a toddler group when everyone else is too 'busy'.

Fugghetaboutit · 30/04/2015 20:24

Yanbu.

I kid you not, I've had other mothers snatching things off my son (when 20 months) when he had it first and playing nicely as their kid wanted it Confused no wonder there's so many entitled fuckheads around.

I also had a mum at softplay barrier a play kitchen from my son so he couldn't open the door to the cupboard because her precious darling wanted the door kept shut Hmm fucking weirdos.

MuddlingMackem · 30/04/2015 20:24

No thanks. My idea of hell. Grin

Although I did get asked to help out at one, just washing up and the like. Unfortunately the location meant it wasn't feasible on a weekly basis.

Lucky escape. Wink

I have told the volunteers at one I used to take my kids to that if they're short staffed to give me a ring and if I'm free I'll pop down to give them a hand. The ones I went to were run by people connected with the churches, not parents with young children of their own though.

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 20:28

yeah ours is run entirely by mums and its a complete nightmare. It's also the only thing that we have locally (rural area) so I feel compelled to help keep it going. I work 4 days a week and its my only day off....

tobysmum77 · 30/04/2015 20:29

And we'd take you up on your kind offer I love people like you. At ours noone can go every week Confused

TenerifeSea · 30/04/2015 20:35

It is frustrating and I do think you are overreacting to be 'fucking angry' but I understand that it's probably as a result of your low mood and anxiety. As your kiddos gets older, you will come to brush it off and learn to deal with it.

Be kind to yourself, you have two very wee ones to deal with, so it's not surprising you find toddler groups stressful. Flowers

ShatnersBassoon · 30/04/2015 20:40

It's fine to step in and sort out problems without the other parent there to witness it. It's an unwritten rule at toddler groups that any adult can stop any child being unpleasant to others. I'm not saying you can discipline children other than your own, but it's very normal to give gentle reminders and put things right.