AIBU to think he’s a controlling ARSE....
Been dating New Man for a year, it’s not always been easy but mostly great. I think I’m now at limit and need to end it.
- In conversation NM will say ‘x happened to me todayl’….I’ll often respond, after hearing the problem/his story , with ‘oh god, how awfuI/funny/brilliant I know that feeling it was like when xyz happened to me/my friend/my Co worker’ in attempt to empathise and acknowledge , NM responds ‘are you competing with me?’.
- At a party NM went out to get a drink from the kitchen and came back in mid way thru mutual friend recounting a story, and talked over friend, I gently said ‘shhh friend is talking, he’ll be finished in a mo’, NM gave me silent treatment for rest of eve for ‘dismissing’ him but gave no explanation of his silence until the next day, just walked back to mine in silence and went to bed without a word to me.
- I have annual trip away with friends coming up . NM wanted to come along + his DS. Six months ago I said ‘the more the merrier’ envisaging NM would camp alongside the families (inc. mine) going. No, NM wanted to be included as a part of my party but has never taken his DS camping before. I am in routine of camping regularly with my DC and so would be in own tent and so forth (and no room in tent for NM + his DS) NM said this means I am rejecting him as don’t want to share a tent with him/be close to him. I don’t want to feel responsible for NM and his DS all weekend, my own DC are quite enough to keep me occupied. NM now saying I clearly didn’t want him there so am rejecting him so I should never have indicated that it may be ok to come. He’s not coming along.
- On recent outing with NM his DS and my DC I mentioned the trip to my DC and got an earful “how do you think my DS felt hearing you talk about your trip he’s not invited on?” (isn’t it up to NM to arrange camping trips with his DS if he wishes, not make me feel like it’s up to me organise and arrange them?)
- Discussing poss joint trip with NM and all DC in the school summer hols, location picked out that is near where some friends of mine live. I said if we went to that location I might stop in with friends (friends who NM has said he’d not be interested in meeting) for lunch or overnight on way back, got “how could you do that to my DS – he’d see you going off on another holiday without him”.
- Due to DC custody arrangments seeing NM in the week usually means me going to his place, if I stay over I have to leave early to beat traffic in the morning. NM has a physically exhausting job and is a lark to my nightowl. Sometimes he goes to bed very early and I want to stay up so will say I will stay and chat/watch movie til he’s asleep then go home so as not to disturb his sleep or disrupt mine by leaving at 5.30am.There is also the issue that when NM has his DS 90% of the time DS comes into NM’s bed in middle of night and I feel awkward being there too. This is also being regarded as rejection of NM by me.
- NM is suspicious about me chatting to my friends over social media (Whatsapp/FB Messenger etc) as he’s convinced I’m just slagging him off to them.
Reading that back makes me go ‘red flags ahoy…run for hills’….but NM manages to make me feel like I am the unreasonable, uncaring heartless cow. Am I?