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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask my DS NOT to be in same nursery class as annoying moms DS ?

71 replies

HalestormRock · 29/04/2015 19:05

For the last few years my DD has been in same class as a child whose mother has 'done my head in' for want of a better expression. In Sept this woman has another child who will be in same nursery class as my DS. Am i being unreasonable to request my DS is put in a different class as there are two classes. This woman has done nothing to me personally but is very loud, overbearing and dominating.
Every single morning without fail she takes up the teachers time whilst parents with genuine things to mention to the teacher wait in a queue to get a word in edgeways. This has happened in every year so far so I cannot see her habits changing. She barks across the playground to her children- God help your eardrums if you happen to be stood near to her.
I feel if I have to put up with this woman for the next few years again I will be in despair! Am I being a bitch or is it reasonable to request the children are kept separate. Several other parents feel this way about her too I hasten to add.

OP posts:

Fleecyleesy · 29/04/2015 19:56

Yabu although I can understand your frustration. I think that you would come across to the school as a nuisance unless you could justify it properly - eg she had behaved abusively directly to you. Unfortunely there are people like this around (and a lot worse!).

Whiskwarrior · 29/04/2015 19:58

I do get where you're coming from, OP. I work with a Mum like this who has been with us less than 3 weeks and has shoved her (ignorant and ill-thought out) opinions on 'improvements' at the team, our team leader and senior management on a daily basis. I'm sure you can guess how that's gone down!

But honestly, you'll get a name for yourself if you ask for this because it will sound petty if there are no issues between your children. Learn to block her out. Other parents won't be impressed with her either and you arrange coffee mornings/meetups, etc without her from September.

fairgame · 29/04/2015 20:02

Can't you stand away from her in the playground?
Surely dc moving classes isn't going to solve the problem. In most schools both classes of the same year share the playground so she will still be there.

GottaFeeling · 29/04/2015 20:02

Why do you need time with the teacher so regularly anyway?

If there's an issue that needs a proper discussion, make an appointment and do it properly, not while the teacher is dealing with 30 children and associated parents. If not, you drop and leave. I think I made a point of speaking to Dc's teachers at drop off maybe 5 times in their entire infant school career.

I'm sure this parent is very annoying but it sounds like you might be too, given the opportunity.

laughingcow13 · 29/04/2015 20:08

I don't think the school will think you are being ridiculous, they will know where you are coming from.
Howwver I doubt they will acquiesce because you are being very offensive to teh other parent, and the school can't be seen to be condoning that.

shewept · 29/04/2015 20:09

Why is it important to speak to the teachers sorry regularly? You not her, I think I can guess why she does. But why do you need time, regularly?

And why is it important to get to know the parents other than to say hello to? Dr is 11 and I only say Hello to a few mums from dds classmates. I know some of ds friends parents better, but only because we have been friends for years before this.

Absofrigginlootly · 29/04/2015 20:11

I don't have DC at school so I don't know the etiquette for such situations, And I would err towards thinking unfortunately you'll just have to take your chances....teachers can't really be expected to take such things into account on top of all the considerations I'm sure they already have to to balance out classrooms.....lbut I just wanted to say OP I know exactly what you mean.....

Years ago at uni on a small postgrad course of about 20 people we had TWO people on the course exactly like this....one lady was especially bad.

She dominated every social conversation and classroom discussion to the point that you couldn't help but try and avoid talking to her/glaze over. It was also frustrating because like you say, there were others on the course I really wanted to get to know better, but she just wouldn't let you have a conversation, she turned everything back to her. She just talked AT you!
I used to go home and hear her voice going round and round in my head.

It's very hard to explain to people if you've never met someone like this. I don't think you're a cow, I understand.

I tried to explain what she was like to my DH but I don't think he really got it. One day he met her at a party. Afterwards he just looked at me and said "fucking hell that woman can talk!!!"

Original poster

HalestormRock · 29/04/2015 20:13

Gotta - I don't need regular time with the teacher - this is my point exactly ! This woman hogs the teachers time EVERY single day. I rarely need to speak myself, but others do and it is frustrating to watch parents who need to get to work etc having to wait while this woman wants to discuss the fact her DD didn't finish all her Sugar Puffs or something of a similarly non important nature.

On top of this its the general overbearing personality that grates.
I guess I will have to 'suck it up' and let the pushy woman have dominance yet again, and put up with yet another 4 years of it.

OP posts:

birobenny · 29/04/2015 20:14

Try to be more assertive when she sticks the oar in perhaps? It sounds as if everyone is being too polite around this person . Just cut her dead if she keeps butting in

Original poster

HalestormRock · 29/04/2015 20:19

Absofrigginlootly
Thank you so much for getting it. That is exactly it - glad someone understands!

Maybe I am placing too much importance on wanting to get along with the 'new' parents. We have only been in this area for a couple of years and I would love for my children to make firm friendships that last years.

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 29/04/2015 20:22

they may end up going in the same class when they start school, rather than just at nursery.
You may have to get used to it and also even if they don't you will no doubt meet other parents like this.

madwomanbackintheattic · 29/04/2015 20:25

Are you jealous? If you don't need time with the teacher, why is it a problem that she feels she does?

Why do you feel that her speaking to the teacher at drop off/ pick-up is going to inhibit your relationship with other parents?

I have literally no idea why this woman's behaviour is any of your concern at all. If you need to speak to the teacher, call the school and make an appointment.

You sound bonkers. There are always parents like this. I don't understand, at all, why is it impacting on your own eqanimity? Surely you and the other less needy parents just roll your eyes and bond that way?

You are in danger of making the school think you are the needy one, for causing a fuss about pretty much nothing (well, I don't like the way she discusses a lost hair and with the teachers, and she's loud')

I am boggled. What would you actually say to the school without making yourself look like an arse, and that wouldn't be met with a polite 'I'm afraid that's not one of the criteria we consider when allocating classrooms, mrs x'?

Original poster

HalestormRock · 29/04/2015 20:30

If they end up in the same class in Nursery at the school, then they will remain together for the whole 4 years, as the school doesn't mix them up again after that.

OP posts:

Original poster

HalestormRock · 29/04/2015 20:36

Clearly not too many of you have met a person like this.
The Head already said to me previously that my DS could be put in with his friends if I let her know their names (from pre-school at the school). Which prompted me to wonder whether I could request this separation. Should have mentioned this before, sorry.
As for being needy - not at all - just sick and tired.

OP posts:

treeshine · 29/04/2015 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Permanentlyexhausted · 29/04/2015 21:40

If there are two classes, half the intake will be in the same class as this child. What makes your child so special and important?

It sounds to me as though the teacher needs to be given the support and techniques to deal with this situation since she is allowing this woman to hog her time.

Theknacktoflying · 29/04/2015 21:50

i just think you need to pick your battles and this one just seems minor ...

Whiskwarrior · 29/04/2015 22:03

Flipping heck treeshine, bit harsh to call the OP horrible

Hardly covering yourself with glory yourself are you?

AIBU does not mean 'feel free to be nasty for the sake of it'.

fellowship33 · 29/04/2015 22:10

See I don't think YABU. I'd just ask if your dc could be in a different class to hers. If they ask you the reason then tell them but no need to volunteer it.

Where's the harm in asking?

PtolemysNeedle · 29/04/2015 22:10

If this woman is doing your head in at school, then think about what she must be like for the teachers, and leave them to deal with her and her child in peace.

lemonyone · 29/04/2015 22:11

Whoa Treeshine.
I think the OP has given good reasons why she feels dominated by this woman. I don't think either of them necessarily sounds 'horrible', it just sounds like really bad chemistry.

OP - there is a woman who helps volunteer at the same place I do who dominates things too. It does affect how everyone interacts. One day I will pluck up the courage to ask her to be a bit more respectful of everyone else needing a turn to chat without her butting in and blapping on!

knickernicker · 29/04/2015 22:15

If you really want the change the best thing you could do it s give a fake reason, something to do with friendship groups. Don't mention the mum.

WorraLiberty · 29/04/2015 22:22

I think you risk coming across as petty and possibly a bit vindictive.

Classes are grouped according to the children's needs and abilities.

Besides, 20 years as a Primary school Mum taught me that there's at least one Mum like this, in every class of children.

And yes it was always me who got stuck behind them at parent's evening...watching the flustered teachers literally trying to push them out the door, cos they were sick of trying to explain that little Johnny wasn't the only kid in the school.

Therefore I think you need to suck it up. It's honestly part of school life.

PerspicaciaTick · 29/04/2015 22:33

But...regardless which class your DCs end up in, you are still going to be sharing playground space with her. So you are going to risk making yourself look like a prize twit for what, exactly?

Stand somewhere else. Talk to some of the other 58 parents instead. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

SavoyCabbage · 29/04/2015 22:42

There are always parents who try to take over or worse. We had a parent who punched his sons teacher in the face in front of the who,e class. Actually knocked him to the ground.

My outlook on stuff like this is you need to save your interference for things that really matter. Like the time the school took my dd out for the day, but not her epipen.

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