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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SiL had a go and says I'm the one in the wrong!

82 replies

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 18:29

Hi I know this is probably nothing major in the grand scheme of things but still, I'm absolutely livid with my SiL. To be fair I'm not that keen on her, nor have I ever been, but I put up with her because our kids get along really well.

So anyway on a Tuesday after school my 9 year old son goes to a football academy training session thing at a sports centre in the next town. A year ago my nephew joined aswell, and as I was already going I was hair assumed to drive my newphew there every week too, which was no problem. Well the other day when we was all at at SiL's house my newphew told my son that he hated the football at the leisure centre and isn't going there anymore, my SiL was well within earshot and she just nodded to confirm this. So tonight I take my son to football as usual and half way through I get an abrupt text asking me were I am and why I havent come to pick my nephew up!

I told her that i didn't think he was coming anymore as that's what he said the other day and that she agreed. Well next thing she starts having a go saying she never agreed and that she relies on this football club (practically babysitting her son) why she goes to work ( she only work 3 hours a week over two days) and that she can't understand why I wouldn't text her to check whether my nephew was going.

Well OMG why the hell should i have to text her and mither her to see what HER son is doing, surely if he had changed his mind or something SHE should have text me! Like I said i know it probably sounds like a silly thing to get het up about but I'm sick to death of how much she relies on other people and when you don't go along with the usual plans for whatever reason she's not happy!

She is a single parent with five children, she has only just started to work after 18 years of sitting on her arse doing nothing. All these years she hasn't worked she has relied heavily upon my husbands mum and dad and now she's come to rely on myself and my husband too and I'm sick of it. She drives but claims she can't afford a car (total crap!) but because me and dh have one each (have to because of work) she just expects that we can fit all her kids in when we go places, and considering I've got my own three children including a daughter who is autistic I really don't want my car full of other people's screaming kids all the time.

She relies heavily upon my in laws and despite only doing a cleaning job for 3 hours a week she has my MiL coming round of a morning getting her youngest four up for school, getting them ready etc and then drops them at two separate schools/nurseries whilst she lies in bed. She is constantly asking my Dh for favours and to help her round the house, for instance this month he has but up two king sized beds for her, built a playhouse for her youngest, built up a set of drawers and a toy box and has even asked him to take her shopping twice a week when he's on his late shift so he can take her of a morning to which my Dh has had to say no.

I know most of this isn't relevant to us having words today but it's just the type of person she is, expects too much of people and thinks people can second guess what her kids are doing. Oh and then she lied through her arse and said my nephew was sat there crying cos I hadn't picked him up but I've just spoke to him on Facebook (yes he's even allowed on Facebook!) and he said he's glad I didn't pick him up as he really doesn't like it and didn't want to go and that his mum only wanted him to go so that she could go to the pub with her friend. Which kind of makes sense as that's just the type of person she is, putting herself first before her kids.

OP posts:
Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 20:10

I don't despise her, I just do not like her and I don't agree with a lot of things she does. Whether it's my business or not, there is school a thing as freedom of speech/opinions etc and I will think an say what I want when I want.

OP posts:
tattychicken · 28/04/2015 20:10

You sound a lovely Auntie!!! So supportive.
DLA has a very high qualification "bar". I just don't believe your version of her family.

PurpleSwift · 28/04/2015 20:11

Just read the rest of your posts and you're coming across worse and worse and IABU is not the place to be if you want a "you're totally right, she sounds like hard work" after the way you've spoke. You seem really mean and bitter.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/04/2015 20:12

Aside from your benefit bashing I do think you should've text her just to double check. Whether her son has adhd or not is irrelevant. 5 kids alone is hard work and I'm sure I'd take help where offered

PurpleSwift · 28/04/2015 20:12

Freedom of speech? Really? Go say all this to your SIL then if you you think what you're coming out with is so fine.

msgrinch · 28/04/2015 20:13

I don't think her home life or income are any of your business. It's also up to your husband if he wants to help his sister, not you. It's up to mil and fil if they want to help their daughter and no one's forcing you to like her or help her. You may not agree with how she lives her life but you don't need to make such a show of how much better you are than her.

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 20:14

And what, so because I only have three children and I have a husband, my life is a walk in the park, oh ok. So what if she's single, she should of thought of that before she decided to let so many loser men into her life and have babies with all of them shouldn't she!

OP posts:
msgrinch · 28/04/2015 20:19

Well done you. Have a shiny gold star. People's lives take different turns, doesn't make them any less as right.

Pagwatch · 28/04/2015 20:19

You are sounding really unpleasant.
I would go and have a lie down before you burst something important.

FFSletmechangemyname · 28/04/2015 20:20

You really are not a very nice person are you, I don't think you could get those judgy pants any higherShock.

It must be lovely to be so perfect and to have not made a mistake ever.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/04/2015 20:20

Ok. I was with you on the entitled behaviour and the laziness with the kids. Now you are sounding extremely bitter. You really gotta let it go.

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 20:21

Of course I've made mistakes but not when it came to choosing the right person for me and the right father for my children.

OP posts:
msgrinch · 28/04/2015 20:23

Wow. You're going to need the fire brigade to get your judgey pants out.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 28/04/2015 20:23

I think you need to step away from the thread OP

Pagwatch · 28/04/2015 20:23

Ah , well done you.
It is clear you acute intelligence, warm heart and sparkling personality won you the hand of a prince.
That makes you so much better than, well, squillion of women.

Aridane · 28/04/2015 20:26

Wow - just wow!

BehindEveryCloud · 28/04/2015 20:44

Grin a lot of this thread/rant has made me laugh!

OP... Sounds like you're having a bad day and SIL rubs you the wrong way (and you completely hate her). Maybe stop letting strangers wind you up on the Internet, use this time to unwind or do something more important for yourself. You may look back on this thread and feel a little silly at how much pent up anger you've let loose... It's okay, many people have someone they just can't stand - but have some perspective and concentrate on your own life rather than analysing your SIL so much. I agree with previous posters, why do you care if her parents do everything for her? If your husband is spending a disproportionate amount of time helping her rather than your family, then I can see why she gets to you so much but that's a conversation to be had with your DH.

Bit harsh to suggest you had the sense to find one person to be the right father for your children or whatever... Not everyone is lucky enough to have relationships work out first time.

Anyway... Calm down Brew

BunnyFint · 28/04/2015 20:45

Wow! Just how tight are those judgy pants? You sound bitter. How your in laws treat their daughter is none of your business, if you don't want to give your nephew a lift you should just say no. Did you actually ask her if your nephew wanted to carry on with the football club?

Your first rant was horrible enough without the added drip feeding of mumsnet bingo posts, benefits, multiple fathers, blah blah blah when others haven't agreed with you.

If you have an autistic child you will know just how hard it is to claim DLA and the sheer volume of 'evidence' required. It isn't easy to get a diagnosis let alone 'pull the wool over' the assessment teams eyes.

I'd loosen those judgypants if I were you, your groin will appreciate the extra blood flow..

Pippa12 · 29/04/2015 11:08

I would of text to confirm- I wouldn't make arrangements with a 9 year old without consulting his parents. Sounds to me like she's a very busy lady and for some reason you begrudge her help.

Pippa12 · 29/04/2015 11:20

Oh god! The rest of the thread loaded and it all sounds horrendous. I think your abit mid guided- do you honestly think she gets DLA because her son is a naughty boy at home? You don't like her, i doubt she likes you... I'd probably go NC and then take some kalms!!!

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 29/04/2015 11:31

Oh dear you have basically insulted every single mother in the world. Well done.

TwinkieTwinkle · 29/04/2015 11:35

Tbh, I understand how infuriating people can be when they come across as entitled ('SIL' mum bought her a house so she could pay the mortgage through benefits, bought her a car and gives her £400 a month on top of her benefits) however, you sound so bitter! Why? What impact does it have on you? I get annoyed at 'sil' for scamming the system in a legal loophole, it's dishonest and wrong. It has no negative impact on me though. Why do you take it all so personally?

molyholy · 29/04/2015 11:39

Jesus Christ!! You don't just 'not like' this woman. You detest her. You need to keep your jealous nose out of what help her own parents offer her on a daily basis. Okay, if she is eating into family time etc., with your DH (her own brother), helping her with DIY chores - take it up with him! Personally I would be pleased that my H was so supportive of his single parent, mother to 5, sister.

Costacoffeeplease · 29/04/2015 11:44

Of course you should have double checked if he needed a lift or not, according to what you've written you weren't actually told he didn't

As for the rest, we get it, you don't like her, so step away and stop thinking about her, if your husband and his parents want to help her out, that's up to them, but you need to stop obsessing about her life and comparing it to yours, it's oranges and apples

The more you've written, the more hysterical and unbalanced and definitely unreasonable you sound

Feminine · 29/04/2015 11:45

Well l think you can be a lazy so and so and have five kids... Especially if you have people running around after you.
I think if you had just given the basic details of your dilalema. It would have been clearer, easier to decide.
I have sympathy for you though op l don't think it us possible to be that worked up over nothing!
Ask someone for help/opinions that knows you in real life perhaps? :)

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