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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SiL had a go and says I'm the one in the wrong!

82 replies

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 18:29

Hi I know this is probably nothing major in the grand scheme of things but still, I'm absolutely livid with my SiL. To be fair I'm not that keen on her, nor have I ever been, but I put up with her because our kids get along really well.

So anyway on a Tuesday after school my 9 year old son goes to a football academy training session thing at a sports centre in the next town. A year ago my nephew joined aswell, and as I was already going I was hair assumed to drive my newphew there every week too, which was no problem. Well the other day when we was all at at SiL's house my newphew told my son that he hated the football at the leisure centre and isn't going there anymore, my SiL was well within earshot and she just nodded to confirm this. So tonight I take my son to football as usual and half way through I get an abrupt text asking me were I am and why I havent come to pick my nephew up!

I told her that i didn't think he was coming anymore as that's what he said the other day and that she agreed. Well next thing she starts having a go saying she never agreed and that she relies on this football club (practically babysitting her son) why she goes to work ( she only work 3 hours a week over two days) and that she can't understand why I wouldn't text her to check whether my nephew was going.

Well OMG why the hell should i have to text her and mither her to see what HER son is doing, surely if he had changed his mind or something SHE should have text me! Like I said i know it probably sounds like a silly thing to get het up about but I'm sick to death of how much she relies on other people and when you don't go along with the usual plans for whatever reason she's not happy!

She is a single parent with five children, she has only just started to work after 18 years of sitting on her arse doing nothing. All these years she hasn't worked she has relied heavily upon my husbands mum and dad and now she's come to rely on myself and my husband too and I'm sick of it. She drives but claims she can't afford a car (total crap!) but because me and dh have one each (have to because of work) she just expects that we can fit all her kids in when we go places, and considering I've got my own three children including a daughter who is autistic I really don't want my car full of other people's screaming kids all the time.

She relies heavily upon my in laws and despite only doing a cleaning job for 3 hours a week she has my MiL coming round of a morning getting her youngest four up for school, getting them ready etc and then drops them at two separate schools/nurseries whilst she lies in bed. She is constantly asking my Dh for favours and to help her round the house, for instance this month he has but up two king sized beds for her, built a playhouse for her youngest, built up a set of drawers and a toy box and has even asked him to take her shopping twice a week when he's on his late shift so he can take her of a morning to which my Dh has had to say no.

I know most of this isn't relevant to us having words today but it's just the type of person she is, expects too much of people and thinks people can second guess what her kids are doing. Oh and then she lied through her arse and said my nephew was sat there crying cos I hadn't picked him up but I've just spoke to him on Facebook (yes he's even allowed on Facebook!) and he said he's glad I didn't pick him up as he really doesn't like it and didn't want to go and that his mum only wanted him to go so that she could go to the pub with her friend. Which kind of makes sense as that's just the type of person she is, putting herself first before her kids.

OP posts:
Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 19:48

Not that it's relevant really but she's not subject to the cap. She gets dla For her 15 year old son who she managed to convinc people he has ADHD and is a nightmare! No diagnosis no nothing and he's a perfectly lovely well behaved lad but that's just my opinion of course.

OP posts:
Jessica2point0 · 28/04/2015 19:49

Sound like a simple misunderstanding to me. But your OP comes across as far more angry than the incident itself really warrants, and you need to sort out the underlying issues. If you don't like helping her out, then stop doing it. It's none of your business how she manages her finances, or how much help she gets from PIL.

ghostyslovesheep · 28/04/2015 19:51

yanbu as far as the football thing goes - although I would have double checked

however her being a single parent of 5, relying on your PIL's, 'sitting on her arse' or 'only' working 3 hours a week has nothing to do with your story and only serves as a reflection on you not her

Mrsstarlord · 28/04/2015 19:51

I'm sorry but based on your posts on here you sound like a very bitter woman. I feel sorry for your SIL, you should have called her to check rather than assume.

googoodolly · 28/04/2015 19:51

Woah, what a load of hatred for one person!

RJnomore · 28/04/2015 19:53

YANBU about the football thing by a long shot.

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 19:53

Where's the shock? I've already stated I do not like the woman! She takes liberties with our family and plays the "struggling single parent card" far too often when really there is nothing vulnerable or struggling about her.

OP posts:
momtothree · 28/04/2015 19:54

Its not unreasonable to assume a child who said he didnt like football to think he still wanted to go. I would not of text and not collected on that basis. You are doing her a favour not the other way round, she sounds entitled and you should stop helping out. I am assuming when hubby is at hers your house/children arent getting any attention. Does she pay petrol? Have your kids?

fixedit · 28/04/2015 19:54

I would have thought someone with your medical expertise OP would be on a fairly decent wage so I doubt she does get more of those handouts for sitting on her arse than you earn....

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 28/04/2015 19:57

I really doubt you can claim DLA for self-diagnosed ADHD Hmm

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 19:57

I have no medical expertise so you can keep your sarcastic comments to yourself!

OP posts:
fixedit · 28/04/2015 19:59

Il consider myself told.
In all honesty I think YANBU about the lift, but the rest of What you say about her is a bit shit.

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 19:59

I'm not going into it but let's just say she over exaggerated on the form and made out her was worse than h really is to camhs an school but they obbiously haven't fell for it as he has no official diagnosis despite her chasing one constantly.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 28/04/2015 20:01

No diagnosis but gets dla? Hmmm okay. She has more income than you? Okay fine - I wouldn't be able to cope with 5 dc on my own so wouldn't swap places with her in a million years.
The comment he wasn't going was vague so of course you should have checked. She is trying to work, which you clearly think she should, yet you're annoyed at the fact she's asked you for help. If you didn't want to do it then fine but don't pretend it's her fault you've stopped picking him up.

msgrinch · 28/04/2015 20:02

Shock Hmm Wow you're errm nice.

mountainofdreams · 28/04/2015 20:02

YANBU she sounds like a lazy so and so.
Concentrate on your own kids and let her bring (or not) her son to football.
Absolutely cheeky!!!

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 28/04/2015 20:03

I am not believing a word of it. Sounds like she is having a tough time with a disabled son, 4 other children and being a single working mother. You just sound bitter & jealous.

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 20:04

I know it may seem a bit shit but it's all actually true, I'm not just being nasty. I'm not one for benefit bashing or whatever you all call it on here, as me and my dh were in a position a few years back were we had to claim, so I know how difficult it can be. But surely you all knew the type of person I'm talking about, multiple babies to multiple fathers all spaced convienently 3-5 years apart so that mum never has to come off income support, well that's my SiL yet she lives a lovely care free life were she puts herself first constantly. So I may not be being very nice but I can deal with that as I know my kids adore me and they know that they come first in my life and that me and their dad work hard for everything they have and don't take advantage of people's kind natures.

OP posts:
fixedit · 28/04/2015 20:05

This thread isn't really about the football lift is it, it's to tell us how lazy and entitled and scamming this woman is Wink Wink

Eva50 · 28/04/2015 20:06

I hope she's not on Mumsnet!

PurpleSwift · 28/04/2015 20:06

I was with you until the big judgemental rant you had.

Jessica2point0 · 28/04/2015 20:06

liv, the only part of this which has anything to do with you is the help you and you DH give her. If it bothers you that much, stop doing it. The rest is none of your business.

quietbatperson · 28/04/2015 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Livjames1 · 28/04/2015 20:09

Bitter and jealous, yeah ok, what am am I actually jealous of? I know what life is like with a disabled child thanks very much and her life is nothing like mine and dh's and she knows nothing of how hard things have been over the years. Her son is great at school, and a nightmare at home apparently. But she has never set boundaries, and told him what's expected of him as he's got older and he's been allowed to rule the roost and has got away with too much IMO.

OP posts:
FujimotosElixir · 28/04/2015 20:09

your posts about her income /homelife , make you look spiteful and judgemental. you cant seriously think a single mum of 5 has had a charmed life?

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