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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think how the hell am I supposed to achieve this ??

46 replies

hairymuffet · 28/04/2015 12:10

No kids
Work full time
Lazy B husband

Keep house clean and tidy
Washing
Ironing
Cook healthily
Shop
Garden
Clean car
Stay slim
Exercise
Look good and well groomed
Organize everything
Keep on top of paperwork

How the hell am I meant to do it ??

OP posts:
DonVitoCorleone · 28/04/2015 12:13

You don't have to ?

ouryve · 28/04/2015 12:14

If you're not willing to stick a broom up your arse and multi-task, then ditch the lazy husband and you'll halve the mess and get rid of most of the other unreasonable requirements.

Do not have children with this man. Not only will you have even more to do, you will be even further from physical perfection, in his eyes.

Original poster
hairymuffet · 28/04/2015 12:16

I actually feel like a failure that I can't manage because I don't have kids and other women with kids can manage Blush

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 28/04/2015 12:17

Don't?

Focus on kicking the lazy arse husband into gear first.

If he won't participate fully, you have bigger issues than the housework.

BabyTuckoo · 28/04/2015 12:24

With the caveat that I also have a child, I have a cleaner once a week and a local teenager mows the lawn when one of us remembers to phone him, DH does laundry, all ironing (mostly his work shirts) and most of the cooking, we have a vegetable box delivered and do all other shopping online, I don't drive, so the car is his issue, we share bill-paying etc. DH runs on his lunch break, I run when he's doing bedtime with DS. 'Staying slim' doesn't actually take up any time. I'm completely uninterested in 'grooming'. What does 'organising everything' mean?

PatriciaHolm · 28/04/2015 12:25

Don't?

Focus on kicking the lazy arse husband into gear first.

If he won't participate fully, you have bigger issues than the housework.

littlemslazybones · 28/04/2015 12:26

How many hours a week do you work and exercise?

There are lots of shortcuts for getting things done but if you are hauling dead weight with a lazy dh it's always going to be harder than it needs to be.

ouryve · 28/04/2015 12:29

You can't manage because you care housekeeping for two, on top of a full time job and what appear to be some unreasonable expectations about your appearance.

What would he say if you put on a few pounds, or if, tired after work, you served fried egg, baked beans and oven chips for dinner, or suggested a takeaway?

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/04/2015 12:32

Are your standards too high? Before when I worked long hours before I had a baby I didn't worry about anything except my social life... Admittedly my partner and I have a very equal relationship. But I just picked up food on way home from work, then went home and cooked it (or DP did). Also I didn't iron anything - got work shirts and suits cleaned professionally. I or DP bunged other stuff in the washing machine once a week. Other than that - probably did 1 hrs housework per week max - a bit of a hoover and give the sink and toilet a wipe. No car or garden I guess. But otherwise I don't really get what you're doing? Maybe just stop doing some of it? Not being sarcastic but I think you might be making a rod for your own back here.

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/04/2015 12:33

But I agree that 'grooming' actually does take up an annoying amount of time if you are in a job where you have to look smart - definitely something that's unfair on women!

shewept · 28/04/2015 12:33

My answer would be...don't. Because it's impossible for one person to do it all for 2 people.

I have kids, exercise everyday and work. Since I have a dh, he does at least half of the house work and half of the child care. He does 95% of the cooking and shopping and I do all the washing etc. We both have jobs we prefer so we do them and split the rest.

I wouldn't be doing all the house work wether we had kids or not.

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/04/2015 12:38

Paperwork... my life got better when I started giving tax stuff to an accountant and letting him deal with it. Also just direct debits for everything else?

Justusemyname · 28/04/2015 12:38

Awaits your husband posting the same thread....

PtolemysNeedle · 28/04/2015 12:38

Get a cleaner and/or a gardener, and lower your standards.

Don't iron anything for your DH, he can do his own, and unless you choose to wear clothes that need lots of ironing, don't bother with your own. He can do his own washing as well, but it can't imagine that washing for two takes that much time up each week.

Do your shopping on the Internet, eat convenience food sometimes. Cooking really doesn't have to take that long, especially when there's only two of you, it's easy to have enough of whatever you make to do two nights.

Drive a dirty car, or take it through the car wash occasionally, that's only 10 minutes once every couple of months.

Can you do some excercise on lunch breaks?

Nothing on your list is that hard to achieve, you just have to decide what your priorities are.

Treeceratops · 28/04/2015 12:38

Outsource cleaning and gardening. Get Lazy B to do his own ironing and washing (or rather refuse to wash or iron anything of his). Batch cook TOGETHER at weekends. You can get a lot cooked in 2 hours. Do shopping online. Exercise at lunch time.

fuzzywuzzy · 28/04/2015 12:41

My sister has a gorgeous house which is always immaculately, she cooks and cleans amazingly well. She also goes to the gym regularly and keeps in shape.

Her children are all in full time education and she does not work.

My house gets a deep clean every weekend (mostly not tho), my DC go to school (which is how I get exercise by running or the bus to get them to school on time), I work full time and prefer to spend my free time either being with my children and DP or doing something fun and or relaxing. The housework gets done but my home is not and never will be of show home standards.

Nobody who matters to me expects it to be.

I'd point whoever criticised my home to the marigolds and suggest they get cracking.

TapDancingMollusc · 28/04/2015 12:43

Having a vagina doesn't mean that you do everything.

Having a penis does not exempt you from pulling your weight around the house.

Lima1 · 28/04/2015 12:44

I work FT as does my DH, we have 3 kids aged 4-7, DH works long hours and goes to college in the evening and I do volunteer work. I manage all those things in your list. Get more organised and move quicker, that's how I do it.

TravelinColour · 28/04/2015 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlyweasel · 28/04/2015 12:48

Become single.

sparechange · 28/04/2015 12:55

Well the obvious answer is you get the lazy arse to contribute towards the household.
But if you are going to insist on being a martyr and doing it all yourself... (based on when I lived on my own, rather than tolerated a lazy arse)

Keep house clean and tidy - Depends how big your house is and what your standards are, but you can either get a cleaner, or spend a couple of hours on the weekend doing bathrooms and hoovering, and then do the rest as you go
Washing - a load goes in before you go to work in the morning and gets taken out when you get home
Ironing - one night a week while watching tv
Cook healthily - Jamie's 30 minute meals and variations thereof. Healthy cooking usually takes less time than unhealthy cooking
Shop - Online. Order in your lunchbreak at work to arrive on the weekend or a week day evening. It's a 20 min job
Garden - Depends how big the garden is and what is in it. If it can't be done in an hour at the weekend, get a gardener or lower-maintinance garden
Clean car - car wash once every 2 or 3 months, surely?
Stay slim - See 'eating healthily'
Exercise - lunch break at work or find time in the evenings
Look good and well groomed - Depends on your standard of 'well groomed'. Hair brush and slick of make up should have it covered
Organize everything - define 'everything'. If you mean world peace, manage your expectations. If you mean your social lives, get a shared calendar and stay organised
Keep on top of paperwork - Take it to work with you and find a lunch break once a month to do it all. Or if it needs you to be at home, take a morning off/work from home and get it blitzed in a few hours.

But the answer to this is clearly 'stop trying to do it all'.

7amWakeUp · 28/04/2015 13:50

Yabu

You have just described a normal life that you are choosing to be stressed over

No one has that much paperwork
What is the 'everything' you need to organise?
Stay slim and exercise is the same thing

Sounds like you enjoy flapping about nothing

namechange0dq8 · 28/04/2015 14:13

Clean car

Why? Just leave it. What's do you think will happen, the dirty car police will come around?

littlemslazybones · 28/04/2015 14:17

That's a very premature and unnecessarily scathing assessment 7am.

The OP hasn't said very much. There are all sorts of difficulties and complications in life that might make the usual stuff feel difficult.

PenguinsAreAce · 28/04/2015 14:20

Keep house clean and tidy -get a cleaner. House shouldn't become too awful if you work full time and have no kids.

Washing -put it on a timer, hang it out in morning. Get a tumble drier. Just keep it ticking over.

Ironing -get a cleaner to do this for you. Buy non-iron clothes.

Cook healthily -this one you just have to get on with. Cook in bulk at weekends and freeze stuff.

Shop -internet shopping.

Garden -my gut feeling is life is too short, just get a lawn and mow it occasionally. Alternatively, a little bit every day.

Clean car -car wash, infrequently, at weekends.

Stay slim -see above re eating. Track food on my fitness pal on your phone. Get a Fitbit and link the two apps.

Exercise -take up running. Walk everywhere, never take the lift, count your steps. Do 20 min workout DVDs, eg shred.

Look good and well groomed -urgh.

Organize everything -like what?

Keep on top of paperwork -big black hole drawer so at least you can't see it. Deal with everything immediately as it comes in.

Alternatively, do none of this and just be happy with yourself. Maybe ditch your OH who sounds awful?