Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think how the hell am I supposed to achieve this ??

46 replies

hairymuffet · 28/04/2015 12:10

No kids
Work full time
Lazy B husband

Keep house clean and tidy
Washing
Ironing
Cook healthily
Shop
Garden
Clean car
Stay slim
Exercise
Look good and well groomed
Organize everything
Keep on top of paperwork

How the hell am I meant to do it ??

OP posts:
CheapSunglasses · 28/04/2015 14:29

I only manage to do half that stuff because DP does the other half.

If your husband does fuck all then one person doing all that for two people is always gong to struggle.

Tell him to fix up or fuck off.

GGabcd · 28/04/2015 14:32

I run a business and I don't have that much paperwork these days.

What on earth kind of paperwork?

WhoNickedMyName · 28/04/2015 14:40

if you've no kids and you work full time then there should be very little housework to do.

you've presumably got every morning before work, every evening after work and every weekend available to you, all free time, you're not a carer for anyone, not working 70 hours a week, not doing extensive amounts of voluntary work?

I'm also presuming the husband didn't suddenly get lazy in the last few months and you've chosen to put up with and facilitate his laziness (you've carried on washing, ironing, cooking, etc, for him).

YABU.

OfaFrenchMind · 28/04/2015 14:46

No kids
Work full time
Lazy B husband

Keep house clean and tidy
Washing
Ironing
Cook healthily
Shop
Garden
Clean car
Stay slim
Exercise
Look good and well groomed
Organize everything
Keep on top of paperwork

There you go, I put in bold what you should do, for yourself and your own comfort and pleasure. The rest is meh.

AgentProvocateur · 28/04/2015 14:48

Ditch your husband - halve your workload.

BiddyPop · 28/04/2015 15:00

Work FT, have 1 DC, DH pulls his weight pretty reasonably, we used to have a cleaner then an au pair doing cleaning - we're considering getting a cleaner again now that APs are finished.

I do work on grooming but I am not perfect.

I exercise a bit but am not slim and toned.
The house is chaos a lot - we blitz at the weekend.
Laundry is always done, but we only fold once a week and DH irons on Sundays.
We use internet shopping a fair bit, both groceries and other stuff like clothes.
I keep mostly on top of paperwork but not always entirely - there's a spreadsheet to make sure I remember upcoming bills etc.

Either your DH needs to help out more or you get more paid help (possibly both) - and if he doesn't come on board with that, unless he's fab in other ways, it may be worth considering what you get out of the relationship and whether its worth continuing. But only you can answer that and the OP doesn't give enough info at the start to definitely say LTB.

BiddyPop · 28/04/2015 15:15

Sorry, I forgot to add - a good freezer is your friend.

So cook good food, but do a double or triple batch of a curry, say, as it's almost no extra work but you can freeze another couple of nights dinners. Reheat sauce while cooking fresh rice, and occasional stir as you get clothes from washing machine to tumble dryer and check post and make beds and sweep floor.....

When you buy food, get things like GOOD sauces and don't worry about using them when they have good ingredients.

Do things like roast veggies with a roast dinner (courgette, pepper, onion, garlic, tomatoes etc all in small dice, well seasoned and olive oiled) - leftovers freezer well and work great just tossed over freshly cooked pasta or mixed into tomato sauce (can hav bacon pieces, chopped naice sausages, diced chicken or prawns as "meat" if needed in it). Proper pasta if using meat, or just fresh pasta which cooks in just a couple of minutes.

Also learn how to set up your oven on the timer, so putting dinner into it in the morning but timed to turn itself on and cook, ready just as you are due home or within 20 mins or whatever suits.

Garden - find a local teenager. And make it low maintenance over time - so it only needs minimal weeding/watering etc on occasion (while the curry etc is cooking?).

Car - get it valeted every 6 months, bring through carwash when getting petrol maybe every month if its bad but use that time to make phonecalls, write cheques, or just read a magazine...

You only need to iron for yourself, and lots of modern very good office wear needs no ironing at alL!!

Put on a load of laundry in the morning as you leave for work, pop it into the tumble dryer (or on line) when you get home, put into a clean basket once done and sit yourself in front of a favourite tv programme or movie once a week and fold it all then. Laundry is clean to use if needed in emergency, but it's not such a chore to fold that way.

Alternate internet shopping with a major supermarket one week (getting cleaning stuff, stores stuff etc for 2-3 weeks as well as weekly fresh stuff), with using local shops next week (butcher, Fruit and veg shop, nice deli etc), and use that local week to do things like post office trips (stamps, pay bills, etc), visit library, go to chemist.....

I work hard to keep all the balls in the air, lots of juggling required, from the outside I've had people say it looks controlled but its not inside it all. And that is with DH on board.

You can't do it all yourself. DH needs to be an equal part of the partnership. And external help may be needed for some parts (cleaning, gardening, ironing, cleaning car, cooking (good ready meals or takeaways etc), grooming....).

MyCatIsAGit · 28/04/2015 15:53

No kids
Work full time
Lazy B husband - get him sorted! or he starts paying half on any help

Keep house clean and tidy get a cleaner
Washing
Ironing don't or send it out for ironing - if his shirts then he organises it
Cook healthily the occasional healthy ready meal won't kill you
Shop online
Garden pay someone, unless you enjoy it (I do)
Clean car get a valet done then just keep it clean
Stay slim gardening and housework might help with that!
Exercise
Look good and well groomed can't help you there
Organize everything put it in your phone
Keep on top of paperwork sort it out once, buy a folder with compartments, then set aside 20 minutes once a month, or file as you go

Also, your standards may be too high! And where's your down time?

Nolim · 28/04/2015 15:55

Why should you be the perfect housekeeper in addition of working ft?

MyCatIsAGit · 28/04/2015 16:00

PS when I lived on my own and worked FT my house was cosy an absolute tip .

Still FT but living with tidy OH and his kids (and got a cleaner), having him be tidy and organised has made a huge difference and rubbed off on me.

I think you need to get your DH sorted and on board.

EuphemiaCoxton · 28/04/2015 16:28

Sahm here with a very long hour working dh.
I will hoover our sitting room once a day as the toddler manages to scatter raisins everywhere. Elsewhere once a week.

Bathrooms cleaned once a week.
I give the kitchen a once over everyday
One lot of dishwashing a day
One lot of washing a day
I don't do the car, I don't drive it.

If something takes longer than 40 minutes to cook forget it unless it's bunged into the slow cooker first thing.
Looking good and groomed? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Seriously though I sympathise on that one. I hated having to get up half an hour before dh (also lazy) just because I had hair and a face that needed painting for work.

I love gardening so no help there. Although if you work full time I appreciate it's time consuming in the summer before bed watering it. I recommend hosing and sipping gin.

Diet and exercise? Just don't eat high sugar and high fat crap.
Paperwork is easy. I used to do admin. And still have to self assess for tax. Keep everything monthly in folders and pay by direct debit. It literally takes 2 mins a day. I have a tax folder with all previous years p45s and returns and whatnot, a house folder with mortgage stuff in, a naughty credit card folder, insurance folder and a warranty and instruction manual folder.

If your dh doesn't pull ranks don't feel the need to close the gap. I lost it with my dh. He is incapable of putting his stuff in the wash basket, I stopped washing anything not in it.
He never put anything away. I put it into a big pile next to his side side of the bed and gave him 7 days after which I chucked it. Whatever was there. He did go mental but tough.
Dh never does the washing so I don't do any ironing.
I will put his clothes away once after washing. If chucks them all over place looking for something else the 7 day bedside rule applies.

Day to day my dh is crap. However he does big and deep cleaning every other weekend so it probably evens itself out.
If you both work full time your house can't be that messy surely? (Looking at the toys strewn everywhere, dd's play dough tantrum carnage, crumbs and an unsourced stale milk smell I can't believe what I counted as mess before)

Fairenuff · 28/04/2015 16:31

I think you should be able to do all that if you don't have kids. What hours do you work? You presumably have all evenings and weekends? Just get into a routine.

Obviously it will be hard if you want to keep the lazy husband though, as you will be clearing up after him too.

WhoNickedMyName · 28/04/2015 17:56

Grin at everyone taking the time to tell OP how she can manage to do all this 'stuff', when in reality she more than likely has an abundance of free time that most of us could only dream of.

shadypines · 28/04/2015 18:35

7amwakeup, just wondering how you know nobody has that much paper work, the OP hasn't said what it is, is it job/house/both? I know people whose jobs entail a mountain of the stuff and it takes hours!

I think some people on here just think to themselves 'I'm gonna answer this harshly no matter whether the OP has a point or not' it's nasty and it gets on my nerves.

lithewire · 28/04/2015 19:27

I'm in a similar position and I tend to do half of my boring chores on a Tuesday evening (as that's when the bins need to go out so might as well) and half on a Saturday morning. Then I'm left with at least some of the weekend to laze about.

Tell your husband to get his act together and help you!

Blueskybrightstar · 28/04/2015 20:07

Who is this guy? Your boss?! Do whatever the hell you want. The guy gets arsey, say you're not the boss of me - if you want it do then do it yourself you lazy git. Whole point of exercising is that empowering so if you don't want to, don't. Whole point of grooming is that its nice 'me time' so if you want to find another good use for me time, do that instead.

Tbh if there are no kids I'd have gotten shot of him already because of feeling trapped and old before my time.

Btw even if we were all supermodels with perfectly sparkling homes and17 children that we raise single handedly, who cares? You just do your thing, let others do theirs and don't let anyone dictate the terms of your life.

Blueskybrightstar · 28/04/2015 20:10

Btw isn't this thread a bit Stepford? From the OP's concerns to the 'out houseworking' each other...

BigSmilesCheesyPie · 28/04/2015 20:17

I actually feel like a failure that I can't manage because I don't have kids and other women with kids can manage Not if they have a lazy B husband they don't!

Do you ever imagine life without the lazy B husband?

MsVestibule · 28/04/2015 20:41

I really don't see why you can't do all of that, if you want to. I lived by myself for 16 years before I moved in with DH and, with the exception of washing and ironing for another person, managed every single thing on your list.

Is there any reason why your husband doesn't do his share of housework?

queeneileen · 28/04/2015 21:02

They're tasks you should share. Pick what you think you can't live without doing (mine is hoovering and washing clothes) and do the rest once a week. I honestly can't remember the last time I ironed (DS is very kindly ironed for by my mum)

In regards to washing clothes, I put the washer on over night or before I go to work so I'm not faffing with it when I'm trying to make tea and whatnot.

Mistigri · 28/04/2015 21:10

It's impossible to do everything and stay sane. Prioritize, lower your standards, and delegate.

In my house much of that list either doesn't get done (car washing, ironing) or gets done by someone else. Husband has been trained to do the admin and his share of the housework, and teenage daughter cooks.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page