AIBU to ask if anyone have 2 DC in full time nursery in London?

[PennyJennyPie]

...because we have just done the calculation ahead of DC2's arrival and essentially a 50K pa income will not cover it.

To clarify, the lowest paid of us is on 50K, and after calculating the nursery costs for the year when both DC1 and 2 will need a full time nursery, it is more than that.

Neither of us are keen on being a SAHP and we have no family to do any childcare. Arguably, we have also not chosen the cheapest nursery, but rather one where we feel comfortable with DS spending 5 days a week. We also very much prefer a nursery setting rather than childminder.

AIBU to feel punished because we both want to work and have children? How do other people do this?

Eva I tied myself in knots about whether I meant Mother or primary caregiver.

seriouslyffs ffs

I hate SAH. My mum worked full time. I think I did ok and not grow up emotionally stunted. Is there anything wrong to pursue our dreams in this day and age?

I meant someone will be at home with this new baby I hope.

TwoLittle I don't really know what you're saying- I certainly didn't talk about emotional development. I'm saying that I think a nanny is probably better- certainly nothing about pursuing dreams whatever that means

I refused to base when I had children on costs and benefits for a very short time situation (reckless hippy). So we both worked, struggled at times, then one went to school and things areare now easier. Its a stretch but you will be surprised how time flies. And I look at my two, 20 months apart, and they are best best friends and couldn't care a jot about quiet weekends and holidays.

verbeier that's a very good point. It's a tiny length of time to find the money for in the context of a career.

Seriouslyffs - I hoped that was your meaning!

Do you know why you feel that so strongly, that home based childcare is better? It's a genuine question.

For my money, if neither parent wants to SAH, then it is far preferable to work full time & value your family time together - than for one parent to have to become the primary caregiver & resent all that comes with it.

What will the age gap between your 2 DC be?

Nursery costs go down when child is 3 as staff to child ratio changes and also goes down again once you become entitled to the credit for your 15 hours of free childcare, have you built any of this in?

We did two in nursery. i think 1000/per month/per child is about right. We had a great one.

Keep in mind that if someone goes SAH, in a few years kids will be in school and SAH would have lost 3 years of experience. Might be hard to reenter the workforce.

it's a hit alright. at 50K/year, I would expect the nurseries to send DCs home in a limousine daily, so you can probably find something cheaper.

We did this with twins. No choice really. But knew it was for a period of time. All worked out well.

Round our way the cheapest is £62 per child per day. Which for 2 is about £2.5k per month, plus £500 in fares. I'd have to be on a lot more than £30k.

My nursery, which is in a not particularly affluent part of London, is £1600 for under twos, reducing to about £1200 for two year olds (and then another drop when the free hours kicks in although that is spread over the full year). This is about average for the area, and cheap compared to some parts of London, I am not sure there are cheaper option.So, say £2800 for two if there is a two year age gap. A nanny costs around £3100 a month so for £300 extra you get the benefit of having someone come to your house but the disadvantage of having to cover holiday, sickness etc and having to pay for food, petrol, activities etc in addition. A £50,000 salary brings home about £3000 a month after tax. That said, I think childcare is a SHARED cost and you shouldnt think about it coming out of one person's salary. It's also important to consider NI and pension contributions that stop if one person stops working, what that means for future earning potential etc. As far as I'm concerned I look at it as a short term issue, until they start school which then creates a whole different issue about logistics rather than cost!

seriouslyffs I'm glad to hear it's about home based vs nursery based childcare. I thought you were going to smart the SAH vs WOH bun fights we see often here.

FWIW I do agree a good nanny is the best if you can afford it. Same as private schools. But I can't afford either.

We did this for 7 months think it cost us about 2100pcm and with a sibling discount. We both earned about 50k and honestly when I gave up work last year we've hardly noticed the difference. Well tell a lie I know my pension is never going to be much now but my health is better, stress is less and as one was always sick with a bug they spent more time at home with me than in nursery. What about a childminder/nursery combo? We did this for a few months too and it was cheaper and our cm was lovely and the kids really bonded with her.

When DC2 arrived we got a nanny stole her from the nursery and quadrupled her pay.

Lovely person and no regrets.

You don't want to be with them and you resent paying someone else to be with them?

Mouse: i resent that childcare is so ridiculously expensive that many parents who would like to work cannot do it, in a sense it makes working a luxury.

And who said they dont want to spend time with their dc? I missed that part.

Ignore the judgement. I totally get your position. Don't want to teach you to suck eggs but have you factored in everything?

So you have the fact that the elder one will be entitled to their free 15 hours the September after their third birthday. This apparently saves about 200 quid a month. Not masses but relevant. Our nursery offers 20pc off a second child. The fees go down at three as well. At the moment we get vouchers but the new scheme will pay 20pc of your costs up to 10k per child.

My nursery is about 800 quid a month for three days for one child but when all is said and done for two it won't be 1600, more like 1200 initially with it dropping as they get older. DH doesn't earn enough to 'cover' it as such but no way would we quit to stay at home. I personally believe she gets a lot from it.

Was just about to post what Bean has, we will have 2 kids in nursery from next year and we will get 10% sibling discount plus some free hours when eldest is 3. Do your employers offer the voucher scheme? (I know that is changing soon).

Mine will be in 4 days rather than 5 but it will cost about £1800 all in taking into consideration the above. That's Se London (zone 3). I'm guessing you must be more central London?

I don't think you can describe yourself as being punished since you have made a decision to have high standards for your children's care. I totally sympathise with this, I have high standards too, but you're obviously going to have to pay more for this!

There are plenty of costs involved in having children and a few years of working for nothing after paying for childcare is definitely one of them. Although the UK does have pretty ridiculous childcare costs (here in Belgium it is 700 euros a month for full time Creche).

I have to repeat what others have said about a nanny. The consistency will be much nicer for a baby anyway and your older child can still get their 15 free hours once they turn 3 (and attend playgroups etc before hand).

ave you looked at preschools for the older dc? Many take from 2.5 and are cheaper than a nursery?

I prefer nannies in your own home (daily nannies) to nurseries. We had three children under 4 at one point and that was much much cheaper than 3 nursery places. It is calmer at home than nursery and you have more power as an employer to control and determine how your nanny operates and once the oldest is at nursery school she can do school collections and if you have a third child there is no extra cost.

We paid 50% of each of our salaries for childcare 25 - 30 years ago. It was hard but roll on 30 years and all 5 children have been to or went to private schools, they graduated debt free, they are being helped a bit to buy a first property - all that comes from the fact we both worked full time for 25 - 30 years. It really does pay off as a long term investment in your career.

I did it ( not in London though) 2 in nursery ,£1500 per month ish .. Struggled through it , rejoiced when eldest went to school and youngest got 15hr discount .

Then after all that mummy guilt of wanting to be a strong working role model , providing the best for my kids , looking at the long term gain of not leaving employment and possibly getting promoted ... I got made redundant just as the youngest started school ! .

I've still not managed to secure permanent employment , we have very little extra money but we do have a clean house , a very unstressed mummy , a proper cooked meal every night and today I went back to bed for a few hours

If I was you op , I'd be looking to go down the nanny route , that said my 5 years of preschoolers has flown by , the nursery fees were a ball ache at the time but you do get used to it and if your happy with the nursery , it won't be forever ... I feel your pain !

Certainly not just a problem for high earners in London! Punished for having 2 children, both parents in work and the option to choose what you consider to be the best childcare for your children? Pah.