To be annoyed that once again DH has just stopped pulling his weight in the house?

[Glassandshiny]

As per the title really.

DH goes through phases; he'll get lazier and lazier in the house until he's doing absolutely nothing in the house or with the DCs. I'll tackle him about it and we'll argue as he thinks I'm nagging and he'll make a token effort to do a bit of stuff in the house and then it dwindles to nothing again.

Not only does he do nothing, he makes mess constantly. I have just spent 10 minutes clearing out our cutlery drawer as he's so fucking lazy he opens beer bottles into the drawer rather than get the bottle opener out and there were loads of beer lids in the drawer and spilled beer.

He has literally spent all weekend doing nothing except going on the computer and watching TV. In the evenings he falls asleep rather than put the kids to bed. He won't cook any meals. I was ill recently for a few days and he did nothing in the house, just fed the kids crap and wouldn't even do a basic food shop.

I've had enough.

I mean what's the point? He's like another child and worse.

I wouldn't put up with it. But you get criticised for saying that on mumsnet. I simply would not do any more than half, and in fact, doing half works when the other half of the team is doing their half but actually I might begin to feel it was utterly pointless to do anything. I might do nothing and keep that up until hhe moves ouut.

I agree with the others.

OP you are colluding with his laziness.
I would throw the bottle opener in the bin. Stop cooking and washing for him.

I couldn't stand being with a man like this, I certainly wouldn't facilitate him.

I wrote a list of 17 things that DH had to do (relating to the house and DS) on the days that I was at work.

Is it pinned up in our living room.

17 sounds like a lot but some of the instructions are are the most basic of things but still wouldn't have occurred to DH if left to his own devices!

so now, on top of all the other things that are your responsibilty you also have to be the person who spends time and effort making lists...

I wrote one list, two months ago and it took five minutes - Hardly an effort

I don't do a new list every day

The same 17 things apply each time

Writer, has he actually done the 17 things every day since the list went up?

Oh, and did you ever get the cleaner...?

Can I ask - and I'm not having a go about the writing of it because hell, if it works it works but how can any independent adult, who has a home, family, job... need a list created by someone else I order to know what I bet are really really simple things? Where's the list created and pinned on the wall for women to know to do dishes, feed baby, open curtains etc etc?

How are any of us in a situation where an otherwise independent and capable adult cannot identify basic household tasks and job associated with meeting the basic needs of children?
I mean aren't they just embarrassed to need a bloody list in the first place? I would be.

second - yes he does do everything on the list Not all 17 items are required each day (for example, cleaning the top of the oven) but if the item is applicable then he has to do it

I also think it's ridiculous that he needs a list to inform him of the most basic daily tasks but I know that without the list he wouldn't even think about doing x,y and z.

You're going to say no when I plead with you to tell me the 17 things, aren't you?

He is the first to moan about mess or if he has no clean clothes though.

Tough shit. If he's not willing to reciprocate in kind, then why the hell should you wash all his clothes, feed him, clean up any more of his shit than is necessary for the house to be safe, and so on.

You are not his mother and he is not a helpless child.

I cant believe he would keep a child off school because hes too lazy to get them dressed and give them their breakfast - that would have been the last straw for me - he would have been told to leave.

Yes at the very least, for god's sake, stop doing his laundry !

Don't offer yourself up to be flagellated.

fenella

1: Childminder bags unpacked.
2: If the washing basket is full put a wash on - check DS's cot sheet.
3: Hang any wet washing on the clothes horse.
4: Take any dried clothes off the clothes horse.
5: Recycling taken out.
6: Cat litter tray emptied.
7: Kitchen floor swept if need be.
8: All rooms clear of plates and cutlery.
9: Stairways free of clutter.
10: Washing up done and sink cleaned out.
11: Top of oven cleaned.
12: High chair wiped down.
13: Teething gel and pain relief given if needed.
14: Bathroom tidied up after DS's bath time.
15: Beaker of milk taken to the kitchen after bedtime and washed.
16: None of DS's clothes or nappies left lying around.
17: Childminder bags packed for the next day and DS's packed lunch made.

Nothing too extreme in there

OP not back. If she is the one who posted a few weeks ago, sounds like she just puts up with this.

That OP's partner was also unemployed.

Holy crap wannabe. How do you not piss yourself laughing at him that he needs that list

I will pay you your weight in chocolate if you add
wipe your bum after pooing
Breathe in and out
to the bottom of that list.
How is he not mortified to have that list pinned up!

Seriously though, he genuinely wouldn't think to do 2/3 of those things. His brain doesn't function like a normal person's does He hates my list but at least it stops us arguing

Op I think I could be in your situation a few years when I return to work. I sahm at the moment and dh has morphed into a lazy sod. He rarely takes his glass into kitchen, leaves rubbish lying around etc. He cooks the odd meal but does little more than that.
last night I took ds1 to football training and than did a supermarket shop. He stayed home with ds2 and our toddler dd. After unpacking shopping I got a snack. Whilst esting I realised dd had a stinky bottom. His response was to say it must have been recent as I checked half an hour ago and to continue to sit on his arse.
you have my sympathy.

Stop pandering to these men fgs. Who gives a shiney shite if he moans when he doesn't have clean clothes. Tell him to Eff off and wash some.

But why put up with it? Why? I don't get why one half the relationship thinks it's accord ale to be a lazy arse and treat your OH like a skivvy. And why tolerate it? It's hardly an attractive trait is it?

*acceptable, that was meant to say!