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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my oh to propose?

58 replies

Sunshinegirls · 27/04/2015 10:20

I have been with my partner for 10 years and he is fab, we have two girls and he loves me, but is not romantic at all. We both want to get married but I feel robbed that he has never proposed,he just said, "we might as well get married then". He makes me feel that marriage is practical rather than romantic. Have I just watched too many soppy films? I just long for a romantic story of my own.

OP posts:
hobNong · 27/04/2015 11:38

If you're planning to book the reg office, I'd say that makes you officially engaged. Even if nobody got down on one knee.

Brandysnapper · 27/04/2015 11:50

You do have a story, about how mumsnetters convinced you to tie the knot!

BabyTuckoo · 27/04/2015 11:53

We had a registry office ceremony in our work clothes when I was very pregnant, with two office workers as witnesses - and I had a work crisis in the middle of the morning which meant I had to bolt out of the hairdressers with my hair half-trimmed to do something - and it was incredibly romantic. in a low-key, off-the-wall kind of way. And I gave birth less than 48 hours later...

Original poster
Sunshinegirls · 27/04/2015 12:12

You are right brandy!
I have just texted him at work and said "I love you, I'm sorry I have given you such a lot of flak about proposing to me. I've been a bit of a nob!! Let's get married next May.
He replied " I'm rubbish at the romance I know! It's not through any lack of love. May sounds perfect. I love you xxxx"
And there's my romantic story!! :-)

Baby, that sounds so romantic! What a whirlwind!

OP posts:
youmakemydreams · 27/04/2015 12:21

Aww believe it or not that text exchange brought a tear to my eye that is proper romance and you've been together a decade.
Huge congratulations sunshine. So happy for you. Flowers

TheCraicDealer · 27/04/2015 12:23

How about if you suggest that you write a few (short) vows to say to each other during the ceremony? It may quell your desire for romance a little bit. He sounds like a lovely man who's dying to marry you. That's very romantic and you're very lucky! Smile Flowers

Charlotte3333 · 27/04/2015 12:26

Sunshine, he sounds so much like my DH. We got married because I wanted to, he was perfectly happy just being us without any fanfare. Hurrah for next May, many congratulations!

Rosa · 27/04/2015 12:27

I am still waiting. Have been married 10 years together for 17 .. I got the well we best get married thing as well.

TruJay · 27/04/2015 12:28

That text exchange is very lovely. Roll on May 2016!!

baby love your story

Mrsstarlord · 27/04/2015 12:30

YouBetterWerk - your husband was spot on!

Mrsstarlord · 27/04/2015 12:32

Sunshingirls - thats lovely. Congratulations Flowers

Lavenderice · 27/04/2015 13:31

"We might as well get married then" were the exact words my dad used when he proposed. Over the phone. They've been married 44 years and have a wonderful relationship.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/04/2015 13:39

Ime the romantic ones who do valentines day, buy flowers regularly and propose are the unfaithful type.

The less romantic and more practical are usually more trust worthy.

We were similar, wanted to get married but happy as we were.
We kept talking about it and agreeing we would but never sort of went on from there.
One day i just asked him and we got married to save the tax at the time Grin
We are so happy and have been married for 23 years (soon).
Just ask him, it's 2015 not the drk ages where we needed them to ask.
He maybe presumes as we are equal now its as much down to you to propose.
good luck, just ask him.

Theycallmemellowjello · 27/04/2015 13:41

Hm - I feel that if you want a romantic proposal you can do it yourself. Why should the onus be on him?

morethanpotatoprints · 27/04/2015 13:41

Sorry, missed your last post
well done, and congratulations Thanks

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 27/04/2015 13:43

wow - I think your texts are beautiful and romantic! there you go, you have it!

helenahandbag · 27/04/2015 13:47

Ahh congratulations! If it makes you feel any better, I got the "on paper" perfect proposal last year and we still managed to balls it up. We were in NYC, he got down on one knee in Shakespeare Garden in Central Park and I didn't even notice because I was waffling about how inappropriate it was to have Romeo and Juliet quotes in such a lovely garden because it's not a romance, it's about lovers following each other blindly to their doom. That's a direct quote. I turned around and he looked like Hmm with a ring in his hand. He then looked at me seriously and asked, "will you make the happiest bear in the world?" because we (secretly!) call each other "boobear". Now when people ask me exactly how he asked I have to lie! Blush

Trust me, your proposal was perfect! Grin

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 14:01

I know there's a huge thing on MN that men shouldn't have to propose etc and I agree to some extent but I think sometimes, particularly if you have children, you feel that you're losing your way as an individual and that you're just seen as a mum. It's really lovely if someone says, "I love you and I want to be with you forever." I think that's as much of a proposal as the OP wanted.

But now I've read the update and it's sorted OP - best wishes for May!

Knittingbat · 27/04/2015 14:02

Sunshine those texts are gorgeous! What a dote. Congrats on booking the wedding!

BTW every single thing about ours that is a great memory, romantic or exceptional or just funny, is something that at the time was the least 'planned', traditional, 'expected' thing to do. Live your own story, not a cliche from the wedding industry! There are about a bajillion people in that industry whose livelihoods depend on you believing that validating your relationship involves ticking off a lot of things on a list - from de Beers to travel agents to dress makers to hotels to the random people who make twirly wedding favours and covers for chairs and cakes and God knows what. Good luck to them I say, lots of people want that, but it in no way makes less of your relationship if you don't have it!

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 27/04/2015 14:04

DH didn't go down on one knee - not his style he said! Well, no it's not, and I would have hated him to do something wasn't authentic just because it's what Disney has told us is the "right" way to propose

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 27/04/2015 14:05

Oh OP! Just seen your update!! Congratulations! Flowers

Original poster
Sunshinegirls · 27/04/2015 14:08

That's exactly how I feel/felt imperialBlether. Wasn't after a huge "top of the Eiffel Tower with a string quartet" type proposal, just for him to make a special point of asking me so I could feel like it's what he actually wants, rather than the logical and practical thing to do. Anyhoo, I'm over it now! And I'm getting married :-))

OP posts:
Pincushion20 · 27/04/2015 14:18

Congratulations, Sunshine!

If it helps to know, my proposal happened in a deli while we were waiting for them to serve us some pasta sauce. He turned to me and said, 'We could get married if you want to.' There was no bended knee, there was no fancy meal or fancy setting. There was a ring, but it was one he'd given to me previously which became my engagement ring afterwards.

But, y'know, he does love me, and our wedding was perfect because it was what we were and not what people expected from us.

We don't do romance either, but there's a lot of love there.

Threesoundslikealot · 27/04/2015 14:18

My sister in law got taken to the top of the Eiffel Tower by her then boyfriend. He was intending to propose and then a pigeon shat on his head.

Nolim · 27/04/2015 14:24

Congrats op.

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