To wonder is she is really oblivious or just downright cruel?

[ApignamedJasper]

I have a friend whose husband left her for another woman around November last year - he immediately moved in with said OW and introduced her to their 2 young daughters (4&2).

When he has contact with his girls he wants to spend time with them and new gf so she is usually around when he sees them.

2 yr old is a bit young to understand but recently 4 yr old has been asking a lot of questions recently about 'when is daddy coming home', 'why doesn't daddy live here anymore' etc. Preseumably she has been asking these question when at her dad's too because she's recently been coming home from the contact time in tears, very distressed because OW has been telling 4yr old that 'daddy doesn't love mummy anymore, daddy loves me' and 'daddy doesn't live there anymore because he love me now and not mummy' and so on.

Aibu to wonder if she is just being deliberately cruel and nasty just to stick the boot in a it more or she is just woefully ignorant of how much saying stuff like that hurts a 4yr old child and her mother? Said OW is 17, it wouldn't be relevant except for the fact I think her possible ignorance may be due to her age, although I don't personally think its an excuse for behaving so appaullingly but maybe Aibu!

DF is obviously very unhappy at this woman spending any time at all with her daughters, especially since she has made it clear that she 'hates kids' but when she raised this with ExH he didn't care and said what they do in his contact time is his business.

It's a horrible situation. The poor children, and your poor friend.

I feel sorry for the 17 year old too. A friend of mine was in a similar situation at that age, except in her case the man was 36. She thought she was so grown up and that it must be True Love but really she was naïve, out of her depth and just being used.

I don't know what can be done to help. In my friend's case the ex wife stopped the children seeing their father because she didn't want my friend near them. My friend just took it as more evidence of what an awful, jealous person the ex-wife was and had fun playing the victim for a while until the man left her pregnant and she realised she really was a victim.

Adora I don't think she has, atm I think she is finding it hard to have the emotional energy just to get through the day. She is totally heartbroken.

He does have a job but one with much less hours (so he can spend more time with OW obvs) so he is paying less - because he has no outgoings really all of his money other than maintainance goes on himself and OW. Just after they broke up I overheard him bragging to DP that he wasn't going to pay over the odds for maintainance because he 'isn't a mug'. Made me furious.

This is part of the problem incredible, she feels like if she stops them seeing him she will come off worse as the jealous, bitter ex wife, she is already worried that everyone is laughing at her because of the whole thing, bless her (which I can't imagine anyone would).

Uh, people post about other people's business all the time and it is an anoymous forum. I was posting here to try and get some perspective on her behalf, as she feels she has no choice but to just accept the way she is being treated and let it continue and I am not convinced that is the case, judging by the responses on here I am correct.

I don't think she should be worrying about how other people will perceive her. Her first duty is to her children and if visits to their father is causing them distress then she needs to stop those visits until he realises the problem and takes steps to prevent his girlfriend from behaving in such a hurtful and inappropriate way.

It hasnt been 6 months your poor friend trying to be reasonable and adult about all this she must be really confused and devastated her husband left her her little girl upset poor woman. 17yr olds can be so self absorbed and insecure this girl could be using to little girl to get the message over to mum that she has her man silly girl.

I think that's exactly it mrsjayy, I think she said it to 4yr old knowing it would get back to df and it's an underhand way of rubbing salt into the wound and using a 4yr old child to do it. Disgusting really.

Definately ballet, I told her she shouldn't care what anyone thinks and at the end of the day if anyone should be ashamed and embarrassed of themselves it's him but she has convinced herself she is worthless/fat/stupid etc and pushed him away. She can't see that really it's because he is a cock!

GFs behaviour is definitely awful, but it's the behaviour of a silly deluded teenager who has a lot of growing up to do. Her parents should be trying to protect her from this creep, not inviting him to live in the family home. I would have very serious question marks over their behaviour.

Out of interest, who is l9oking after the dc when with df? Because it's really not clear that the 17yo has the maturity to look after a 4 and 2yo.

If he is living with her family,then what are they like? Who is living there, what's the history?
Admittedly I have a suspicious mind but.most people would not be moving in the older soon to be divorced dad into the 17yo dd bedroom, rent free. (I have read that right haven't I? )

I would be concerned about potential child protection issues until I know more about them And would be going for separate contact until then.

He has done a good job on your friend hasnt he ? Arse

Nella, yes you did read that right, he stays there rent free.

I'm not totally sure on the living arrangements but I don't think the OW looks after them alone, apparently she hates kids so I doubt she would volunteer for that anyway.

Yes he has mrsjayy, I used to be friends with him, as did DP, but neither of us talk to him now. I'm shocked that the man I once knew who seemed a pretty decent guy, has turned out like this. I just feel so sorry for my friend, it's so much worse for her.

OP, just keep reminding your friend that in 6 months' time, her ex will either be bored rigid or have moved on to shagging the 17 year old's mother. There is no way that this will last long term. The 17 year old will also have got bored with two under 5s coming over to play dollies every weekend and waking their daddy up at night to go to the toilet, be sick, demand a cuddle and then get up at 5am.

It won't feel like a lucky escape yet but that is what your friend has had. Can she do something to distract the children for now, decorate their bedroom or plan a daytrip to the zoo or something so the girls have something to look forward to just them and their mum?

Mrs Jayy you beat me to it. Seen many an Other Woman who 'hate kids' getting pregnant fairly quickly.

What a horrible situation for friend and her kids.

Oh how awful. My ex buggered off for a 19 year old when we were 26 and our kids were 3 & 18 months old They are still together 3 years later, he still lives with his parents, he still tosses off seeing his kids to go out on the lash with her (leaves them with his parents and thinks I don't know) He too dumped our friends and hung out with her student mates, splashed all over Facebook, he looked and still looks a right tit. Fortunately, after meeting my kids a handful of times, decided she didn't like kids and hasn't seen them since. That was 2 years ago. I can see us running into problems should they choose to move in together.

Tell your DF to get some legal advice and consider supervised contact in a controlled environment without the teenager there. How fucking dare she speak that way to a 4 year old.