To be upset that I always end up on the outside of things?

[WhyDoIBotherBothering]

I always feel like I'm on the outside of friendship groups and am never really included or thought highly of. I think people see me as just someone that is there.

It happened at school, it happens in friendship groups, and now it's happened to me with my work colleagues.

I've been in the job for 6 months and am not the newest staff member now. I enjoy the job and like my colleagues and thought I got on with them all. However they've recently done a couple of things and excluded me; most recent thing is on Friday I went to the loo and when I came back all of my colleagues had gone off to the pub for lunch and just left me there! I didn't know where they'd gone until they came back and they made jokes about forgetting all about me!

And thinking about it they are all over each others Facebook statuses and photos yet none of them ever like or comment on anything of mine. I try to join in on theirs but I just get the impression that there are in-jokes that I'm not party to.

I am part time and most of them are full time, and also the office queen bee does not seem to like me very much so maybe this is it.

How can I make myself included in things? Why am I always left on the outside of stuff?

That was an incredibly rude thing to do to you, OP. I would be disgusted with their behaviour. Did they really just buggered off to the pub?!!!
Nasty.
Sod the FB friendships. I am friends with most of my work colleagues but they're all on 'restricted' and had no qualms deleting those who only use it to 'spy' on the others, just for gossip etc.
I would be fuming and bidding my time.

I have been in both positions....as the last flame said upthread giving a different perspective ...I agree, it can be very, very, draining being on the inside of these groups... You can also end up feeling used, you are 'there' to be the entertainment! ('ah the party can start now X has arrived... Etc etc').

What I've learnt:
broaden out your social groups... You will find life time friends.
Don't waste time being/trying to be pals with people who are going to be high maintenance....
Don't try to hard... And don't be endlessly nice/understanding... . You may be seen th en as the person who can be picked up /dropped at will. People just don't do this to people who are going to be difficult/arsey about being treated like this!

Haven't read the ft. If the group of people who went out for a pub lunch makes up the majority of your immediate team (I.e. People working for the same manager) then actually this is inappropriate team behaviour and should be challenged. I would have a quiete word with your manager (if you trust them). Also using social media in a way, which excluded one member of staff for the rest can be seen as freezing them out and could potentially impact on the work. These people may be friends but first and foremost they are employees and it looks like this is a work matter, not your inability to make social connections. Whatever you do, do not make too much of an effort, play it cool and confident tell a couple of amusing anecdotes, not to everyone but to one or two of tense people now and then and see if that makes you more part of the club. Howev I I were your manager I would want to know and take steps to improve my team.

How part time are you? When I was back from maternity leave and part time, I'd get over looked and forgotten but people were genuinely apologetic about it. Luckily I had a couple if colleagues who I considered friends so I knew it was genuine.
Your work colleagues sound horrible.
Ignore them on Facebook for a start.

I agree with the previous poster who said you have to act confident and make jokes back. Especially to the stupid queen bee or whatever the ridiculous scenario you have going on at your work place. Try to get close to a couple of people.

I also think the most attractive people are those with a life of their own. Don't act needy if you do and go and organise your own lunch time activities. Go to a regular exercise class or a walk. Find a park bench and read a book. Whatever.
Just generally start filling your life up with things to do.

I think the PP who suggested steering clear of FB is spot on, although in my case it has rather helped me sort the wheat from the chaff.

I thought I was part of a small 'office gang', all but one of whom I'm friends with on FB, so I was a bit hurt & disappointed when pic of them all enjoying a night out together that I knew nothing about appeared a couple of weeks ago.

I then realised that two of them are FB friends with another member of staff who they do nothing but bitch about in RL.

Have come to the conclusion I'm well out of it, and will be aiming for polite but distant from now on.

YY to filling up your life. Maybe mention you'd like to go next time and see what they say; they might be really apologetic. Other than that, leave them to it. It's nice to be invited but as I have found out there are some groups of people you are best just staying on the outside of. More trouble than they're worth!

I wonder if you are just a little different from the main gaggle of girls. It sounds like they wanted to leave you out. Are you more qualified, ie a bit more geeky, or less interested in partying and having a booze up? There will be something that sets you slightly apart and all you need is a Queen Bee type who steers the group in a certain direction and before you know it there is a bullying mentality at play.

I always found the opposite. That I wanted to get left out (for reasons that's are too long to get into) and of course I was then always getting pressured into going out for lunches/dinners/all sorts if other stuff. The more I resisted the more the thumb screws were applied. So I think there is a strange juxtaposition at play sometimes where the bastards just want to irritate you if they know your keen you get left out, if your resistant you get dragged along.

I think it s about self esteem - reframing the thoughts as suggested. Above is good.
I feel this sometimes too, however i think generally people are too wrapped up in themselves to deliberately exclude people - I think they do just forget to
Include people though. As someone suggested - making friends on an individual basis helps this.

Thank you again for the replies.

I think I am guilty of being too nice really; I'm always smiley and pleasant and chatty, never moody and always upbeat.

I thought I got on with everyone and did actually think that, for once, I was maybe part of the group but I don't think I am.

I guess the fact that I am part time doesn't help matters really.