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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think an 8 year old can shower by herself?

52 replies

Sansarya · 26/04/2015 09:03

I was watching my cousin's 8yo after school a little while ago and she (the child) asked me to supervise her while she had a shower. I was in the middle of something and said I couldn't but showed her where everything in the bathroom was, gave her a towel, and she had a shower.

My cousin, when she picked her up, was a bit miffed to hear this as she still bathes her. Admitted this cousin does like to keep her kids close to her - her daughter still shares her bedroom and her older daughter wasn't allowed to have her own room til she was 14 - but WIBU to think that 8 is old enough to shower alone?

OP posts:

123Jump · 26/04/2015 09:06

YANBU.
My 8yo DS has been showering himself for a long time now, although I do shout up to remind him to wash his face and knees, as sometimes they come out the way they went in....
Sounds like your friend molly coddles a bit.

Jennifersrabbit · 26/04/2015 09:10

No, fine! DS nearly nine and I'll chat or read to him in his bath if we both feel like it, but I certainly don't need to 'bathe' him. If someone had directed him to the shower he might need a bit more help with the controls - he can't reach the thermostat on ours for eg - but sounds like your guest was fine with that?

momtothree · 26/04/2015 09:12

Mine could but would need a little help getting conditioner out - but ok if no hair wash - kid needs own room and some space.

Only1scoop · 26/04/2015 09:13

Yanbu

Sure the dc is capable also....

Sounds like the dm on the other hand isn't.

liveloveluggage · 26/04/2015 09:14

It sounds a bit odd with the bedrooms. with regard to showering though, I used to stay with dd up until quite recently as she liked the company and I usually stay nearby if she is showering now (age 10) in case she wants anything, so she can call me easily. It would be different with someone else's child though, I would give them more privacy at 8.

NotallTravellersarebad · 26/04/2015 09:14

Yanbu my 6 & 8 year olds have been showering themselves and washing waist length hair themselves for a while.

pickwickcrocus · 26/04/2015 09:15

Dd is 3 and showers by herself! She can mostly do the shampoo and conditioner too, though sometimes needs an extra rinse with the shower head. She is happy to wash herself with a flannel and gets the important bits without prompting.

Sometimes I am in the bathroom with her, sometimes not. 8 is plenty old enough to be showering independently!

18yearstooold · 26/04/2015 09:15

We've taken brownies away before that can't manage their own hair in the shower (generally resolved by getting them in swimming costumes so I can do it for them)

But just a shower with no hair wash they should be capable of

PeppermintCrayon · 26/04/2015 09:16

her older daughter wasn't allowed to have her own room til she was 14

That's quite strange and worrying.

grenedeer · 26/04/2015 09:18

My dd is 9 and has been showering herself for a long time so yanbu. However she does need help rinsing her hair and if I don't keep an eye on the clock she will happily play in there for 30-40 minutes and not notice the water spill everywhere.

Original poster

Sansarya · 26/04/2015 09:18

Glad to hear I WNBU - DS is a toddler and I still bathe him of course, but assumed that by 8 those days would be far behind me! Tbh there are some things I find quite concerning about the way my cousin raises her daughters but that is probably an entire other thread!

OP posts:

popmimiboo · 26/04/2015 09:19

YANBU but I was, myself, surprised to discover a friend of mine still bathes her 8 year old. They stayed with me for a few days and I was left wondering whether her DD is mollycoddled or whether mine is neglected! (Mine would certainly not have wanted your company in the bathroom, OP!)

Different parenting methods, I guess. I just hope your cousin's (and my friend's) DC aren't going on brownie camp or school residentials in the near future!

wheresthelight · 26/04/2015 09:19

I think it depends on the child. dsd is 9 and only recently been able to shower without someone in the room prompting her to use soap and wash everywhere. she still needs guidance woth hair washing as it's quite long so it is possible her dd isn't yet able in her eyes.

the whole bedroom thing is very odd unless she has any medical conditions that mean she needs to watched or your cousin doesn't have enough bedrooms

Original poster

Sansarya · 26/04/2015 09:26

No, plenty of bedrooms in the house and neither daughter has or ever had a medical condition that meant they couldn't have their own room. If my cousin was away then her older daughter used to still share a room (sometimes even the bed) with my cousin's partner (who isn't her father), right up until she got her own room at 14. I found that quite odd.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/04/2015 09:38

It's up to her. I'm sure she will eventually shower herself.

PeppermintCrayon · 26/04/2015 09:39

You need to make an SS referral about the bed sharing.

FryOneFatManic · 26/04/2015 09:40

My DCs were both showering fully by themselves by this age.

Meanwhile, I find the bedroom thing very odd and actually concerning. If it was just the DCs sharing a room, I wouldn't think anything of it. But the older DD sharing with the partner sounds very off.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/04/2015 09:42

No you don't need to make an ss referral about the bed sharing.

DragonMamma · 26/04/2015 09:43

Yanbu

My dd is 7 and has been showering by herself for a while now - she has really long, thick hair but she manages it. I generally loiter and potter if she is in there, just because she likes to shout for me to hand her a towel or something!

Original poster

Sansarya · 26/04/2015 09:44

Older DD is now 20 and still very much under the control of the partner, to the point that she doesn't go out with friends, isn't "allowed" a boyfriend and only goes out and about with him. My cousin has actually fallen out with her older sister, who told her this was a bit inappropriate. It's quite sad.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/04/2015 09:44

She maybe didn't like sleeping on her own.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/04/2015 09:44

Ah. Drip feeding.

Original poster

Sansarya · 26/04/2015 09:45

Apols for the drip feeding and no, I'm not going to make an SS referral.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/04/2015 09:48

It does sound sad. If she is emotionally mature and not still in need of looking after.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 09:50

pick
Can your daughter swim yet?
Three is too young to be left entirely alone in the bathroom.
Especially with all those slippery suds/conditioner.

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