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Original poster

Is this a cop out?

35 replies

ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 03:19

I'm a lesbian. I've known for a bit, but I haven't really come out. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, but because I'm just not good at telling people stuff.

I recently started dating this really great woman and I don't want to hide who I am any more. Can I just come out on facebook and have that be the end of it? So much easier than rounding up friends and family...

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VashtaNerada · 26/04/2015 03:29

I think it's fine to come out on FB if your social circle uses it a lot. I've announced pregnancies, new jobs etc. You might need to steel yourself for a chat with close friends afterwards but I think it's okay as a starting point! Congratulations on your new relationship btw.

pollypocket123 · 26/04/2015 03:45

Guess your nearest and dearest might feel a bit miffed you didn't tell them face to face? Also, fb can attract 'negative' attention so I'd say it'd be smoother for you to tell people in person.

Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 03:55

I have no family on facebook, just friends. My mother doesn't understand the internet. I'm also selective with the people I friend.

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UncleT · 26/04/2015 04:33

Of course it isn't a cop out. It's a highly personal thing that only you can decide how you'd like to do. If you prefer the Facebook option then do it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2015 04:37

Do you think people have a fair idea already? I've had people 'come out' to me and I tried to fake surprise because everyone knew already. If so, just changing your relationship status on FB would be fine.

icclemunchy · 26/04/2015 04:38

I'm not gay, but in my opinion why should you have to "come out" anyway? You wouldn't have to come out as straight. So is be tempted to just change my relationship status If I was you and expect my friends to be just as pleased for me as they would if I was dating a man (although I accept that may be a simplistic view Smile)

Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 04:46

MrsTerry I don't think most people will be surprised. A few of my friends know I'm not straight (or suspect).

Just changing my relationship status might be a bit of a shock...

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Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 04:47

Aaargh, meant to say not a shock, exactly. Just sort of a rude way of doing it?

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MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2015 04:49

But as iccle says, why should it be? Your friends love you, not your sexuality. Unless you have been actively lying and pretending, in which case a frank discussion is in order. Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2015 04:50

BTW congratulations. I hope she's a keeper. Flowers

Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 04:53

She's lovely. Blush We haven't known eachother very long, but it's been really amazing. I'm counting down the days until our next date.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2015 04:54
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 04:56

So long as you tell your mother first (if she doesn't already know, and she probably does), then I don't think it matters.

Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 05:01

Nope, my mother doesn't know. I'm planning on telling her when we have lunch this week. She's very supportive of gay rights so it really shouldn't be a problem. I'm still super nervous, though.

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PannaDoll · 26/04/2015 05:07

Not sure I follow re 'a rude way of doing it' comment. What's the alternative? A special party with cake and rainbow themed decorations? ;-)

Changing your relationship status linking send line a perfectly reasonable thing to do to me and would set the tone of 'this is no big deal' for your friends.

Congratulations on finding happiness x

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 05:08

Good luck with telling her, sounds like she'll be ok with it.

A friend of mine told her mother she was a lesbian when she turned 21 - her mother had "known" since she was a mid teenager, but was waiting for her to tell her in her own time :)

Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 05:21

I'm 22, and it only hit me in the last two years or so. Looking back, though, I have no idea how the hell it took me so long.

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Original poster
ShowMeYourTARDIS · 26/04/2015 05:28

I'm trying to make plans with friends this week to tell them...

I don't understand why I'm so nervous. I told a virtual stranger and an acquaintance today. Why is it so hard for me to tell my good friends, who I know will be accepting?

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Hurr1cane · 26/04/2015 06:44

A very close friend of mine called me out of the blue and told me that she had something to tell me and that I'd probably fall out with her, and then told me that she was gay.

I asked her years later why on earth she thought anyone would fall out with her (we all already knew anyway tbh) and she just said it was all just nerves.

Eastpoint · 26/04/2015 06:47

It could be that your mother is vocally supportive of gay rights because she thinks you are gay and is just waiting for you to tell her and she wants to make it easy for you.

Yeasayer · 26/04/2015 07:47

I completely agree with everyone else; you wouldn't have to 'come out' if you were straight. I think changing your relationship status is perfectly legit & a great way to open the dialogue if it's needed.

Your mum sounds like she's not going to bat eyelid. I don't see why it's a big deal who you choose to sleep with. I'm sure your friends will be happy that you've found someone who makes you happy.
Congratulations btw!

BrianButterfield · 26/04/2015 07:50

I have the odd, carefully chosen ex-student on my FB. I don't see them IRL but I like to see how they're doing in their adult lives. Anyway what you're describing is exactly how I found out one of them is gay. My exact thoughts, if I remember correctly was "oh". It seems like a very sensible way of letting people know without making a big deal of it.

AlternativeTentacles · 26/04/2015 07:51

Just change your relationship status and if anyone asks respond 'gosh, you didnt know? Sorry, i didnt realise i had to send a memo round!'

carabos · 26/04/2015 08:22

I think you might find that it's only you who thinks you are still in the closet. If you haven't been actively hiding your sexuality by dating men, then pretty much everyone who knows you (tge ones that matter anyway) will have realised.

magimedi · 26/04/2015 08:30

I agree with Eastpoint. I bet your mother knows or at least suspects. I'll put a Wine on it that she'll say that when you tell her.