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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not say 'excuse me' to this obstruction?!

32 replies

GonePenguin · 25/04/2015 14:02

This kind of situation crops up frequently, but today's happened when I had just woken up and was going to get a coffee.

I live above a lovely little neighbourhood coffee shop in Central London. I approached its entrance from about 3 metres away and a man (dressed in top hat and tails - relevant!) was slap bang in the middle of the doorway and gesturing to the church that was behind me (albeit 75m away). There is thus no way he could not have seen me and he had time to see me approach.

He blocked the entire door. I expected him to shift his weight on to one foot so that I could pass. He didn't move a fucking inch. Just carried on braying to someone else in the shop. I had just woken up, I was on 'my turf' so to speak - the baristas in there know me by name! Yes, this doesn't mean I own the place etc etc, but I certainly consider that shop an enemy bit 'my territory'. I suppose it's not relevant, anyway.

So, I thought, 'well, it's fucking obvious I want to get past a enter the store. Must I really say 'excuse me' to a grown man?' I didn't and instead just awkwardly squeezed past him. He still didn't flinch - I think maybe he was being equally as pass-ag as men.

WIBU to not say 'excuse me?' or was he being a prick?

OP posts:

TeddyBear5 · 25/04/2015 14:05

Is this a reverse?

GothicRainbow · 25/04/2015 14:06

Sounds like a reverse, but you were both being as rude as each other!

icklekid · 25/04/2015 14:07

Always better to have manners and say excuse me then if he doesn't move you can be rightly annoyed!

26Point2Miles · 25/04/2015 14:07

Do you go to costa every day for your 'morning coffee'??

Theycallmemellowjello · 25/04/2015 14:08

Why on earth would you not say excuse me in this situation? Why does it make a difference that you go there often? Why is his outfit relevant? So many questions....

JeanneDeMontbaston · 25/04/2015 14:09

You were both being rude (and the stuff about 'territory' and his clothes seem irrelevant to me).

But, also, it is surely much more satisfying to say a frosty 'excuse me' to people like that, loudly enough to embarrass them for being so rude.

flora717 · 25/04/2015 14:10

Clearly your life threatening need for completely excuses you from any form of basic social etiquette and of course you should expect psychic behaviour from those in the middle of a conversation.

Theycallmemellowjello · 25/04/2015 14:10

Also he was probably distracted as talking to someone and didn't twig you were waitingto get in. Not ideal behaviour on his part but not fume-worthy either.

Eigg · 25/04/2015 14:10

You are waaayyy over thinking this.

If someone is in your way, say 'excuse me', it's quick, it's effective, it's socially acceptable.

Ps at no point during your OP did the relevance of the Top Hat and Tails become clear - care to expand on that?

flora717 · 25/04/2015 14:11

*for caffeine

TheWitTank · 25/04/2015 14:11

You were both rude. I would have just said excuse me, even if I thought he was in the wrong. The 'territory' bit sounds a bit wanky though.

MangoJuggler · 25/04/2015 14:11

I say excuse me in my brightest tones, complete with mega watt smile

If he was gesturing at the church he will not have been concentrating on the foreground and thus you

Plus weddings or whatevers can get stressful and manners lost in amongst the stress

And finally och, you live in London, central London at that, you KNOW people can be awks and irritating

Original poster

GonePenguin · 25/04/2015 14:14

Oh, I thought 'top hat and tails' relevant because he was most likely part of a wedding taking place at the church - so could have been tipsy/mind elsewhere etc.

Fully accept I was also being childish.

I asked the AIBU because there are times e.g. you're getting dressed at the gym and someone standing behind you needs to get to the locker next to you and just budges in rather than just saying 'ooh, sorry. Can I just get in there, please?'...as you can't see them because you're hunched over trying to get your knickers on.

OP posts:

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 25/04/2015 14:15

He would have got a very grumpy "excuse me!" from me. Like the cyclist who pulled into the cycle lane in front of me without looking yesterday.

But I have this same problem with DH. He constantly stands in doorways and if I approach to enter the room, he will not move until say "excuse me" to him. He just doesn't seem to register that my standing in front of him and his doorway indicates my desire to enter the room he is blocking. It drives me nuts! When I complain he makes lame excuses like "I wasn't sure if you wanted to come in here or go into the bathroom!". When the bathroom is behind me. Idiot.

Original poster

GonePenguin · 25/04/2015 14:15

Pressed post too soon...

and if they do just budge in, you kind of think 'you just could have said excuse me!'

OP posts:

Original poster

GonePenguin · 25/04/2015 14:16

And, yeah, not going to lie (and I know this is knobs) but that he was braying like Nigel Farage was pissing me off.

OP posts:

Original poster

GonePenguin · 25/04/2015 14:16

*knobbish - argh! Autocorrect is horrific!

OP posts:

ragged · 25/04/2015 14:17

What does the church matter?
He obviously didnt' care what you did, OP, isn't there a sunny pleasant park you could go explore in London instead of being on here?

Eigg · 25/04/2015 14:23

Ok, I'm Scottish we don't really do top hat and tails at weddings here hence not picking up the connection.

Still don't understand why you'd squeeze past someone when you could have just said 'excuse me' though or why it is worthy of a AINU thread

molyholy · 25/04/2015 14:30

I would have just said excuse me, but he was being and arse. Top hat and tails - not really relevant. Baristas know you by name - not really relevant.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 25/04/2015 14:32

The more I think about it, the more I think that one of the joys of being British is the nuance you can put into a seemingly polite 'excuse me'.

My granny had a wonderful way with 'excuse me'.

HappyIdiot · 25/04/2015 16:44

It is possible to be standing in a doorway or wherever and genuinely not register that you are blocking the way.
I lived in London for years, I totally understand how the transport system works and yet I still remember the day I was standing up downstairs on a bus, my brain was miles away, I saw a lady walking towards me, she walked up to right in front of me, looked confused, then annoyed and said excuse me. She couldn't get past me to get out and I had entirely failed to realise.

Floggingmolly · 25/04/2015 16:53

Your territory???

amicissimma · 25/04/2015 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandsala · 25/04/2015 17:00

Surely you would say 'excuse me please' not just excuse me, but yes you were being rude, so was he.

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