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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect time off to attend this funeral?

43 replies

CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 13:48

A long term customer at work, and part time colleague, who also happened to be a neighbour has just died after a short illness. Sad

He was a bit of a grumpy old git at times, but we shared a love of animals, and sense of humour, so I would often have lunch with him. I am the only member of staff that has been to see him in hospital and have also been cutting his grass, watering his plants etc.

He strongly disliked our office manager, and one of the directors, but thought a lot of the big boss.

He only passed away yesterday, and already it is being discussed by wanker boss who will be representing the company as his funeral. I have pointed out that I would like to attend as a friend anyway, but would be happy to represent the company at the same time, and he has just informed me that I won't be able to go as someone will have to man the office, which presumambly means he, big boss and office manager will all be attending!

AIBU to think that actually, no I won't fucking stay away from the funeral, just so you can give it the big I am, look how fucking upset I am when I know full bloody well he wouldn't have wanted you there anyway? Angry

OP posts:
Happy36 · 25/04/2015 13:52

You can request compassionate leave to attend any funeral but have to make up the time.

PtolemysNeedle · 25/04/2015 13:54

Put in a formal request for time off for the funeral, keep the issues separate, but bear in mind that it's quite common for people not to be able to attend funerals of non family when they are in work time.

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 14:01

I know, I probably ABU, but it has really pissed me off that I am going to be left holding the fort so two people he didn't even like can attend the funeral and I can't. Sad

OP posts:
flora717 · 25/04/2015 14:04

Take it as holiday. It's obviously important for you to be there. Has the manager even established what the bereaved family feel about work colleagues being present.

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 14:08

No of course he hasn't. Selfish bastard. If he, big boss and office manager go, then depending of the day of the week it falls on, i will be the only person left in the office.

It wouldn't be possible to close the office for a couple of hours I shouldn't think.

OP posts:
Heels99 · 25/04/2015 14:10

Happy36 that may be the case at your workplace but is not statutory practice, workplaces differ.
Nobody has a legal right to time off for a funeral however your bosses are being rather mean. Presumably they won't allow holiday either?

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 14:20

Shouldn't think it will matter now - I've just lost my shit rather spectacularly and rather suspect I will have plenty of time on my hands by the time the funeral comes round. Blush

OP posts:
redexpat · 25/04/2015 14:52

Oh dear. Well do you feel any better for it?

ClashCityRocker · 25/04/2015 14:55

That sounds shitty. Our firm are very gpod when it comes to funerals - even shutting the office for a day so we could all attend when one colleague passed away unexpectedly.

redshoeblueshoe · 25/04/2015 15:02

Oh Cat - I hope you are OK Flowers

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 15:05

I'm ok. Embarrassingly though I invariably cry when I am really really angry.

Calling your boss a deluded arrogant arsehole is never a wise move, but I did have a little chuckle to myself when he shouted back 'If I knew how to lock this office and the safe up I would send you home right now!'

Wanker.

OP posts:
KrevlornswathoftheDeathwokClan · 25/04/2015 15:14

Wow. He sounds like an incompetent arse as well as an arrogant one.

NeedABumChange · 25/04/2015 15:16

I don't think you get compassionate leave for someone like that. It has to be close family or a very long term close friend. Take it as holiday?

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 25/04/2015 15:17

He could pursue it as a disciplinary matter, but he might realise how upset you are about your colleague's death and be lenient.

redshoeblueshoe · 25/04/2015 15:45

That made me laugh -so he doesn't know how to lock the safe or the office he would actually look a dick if he took it any further.

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 15:51

redshoe - he can't open the safe either. Or set the alarms.

Atmosphere in here is lovely. Hmm

OP posts:
Stillyummy · 25/04/2015 16:02

Make yourself a cup of tea, send an email to your big boss saying your very upset and asking for the day off to attend. Then play solitaire till home time. X

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 16:05

I'm mumsnetting til home time, Wink

Good idea wrt big boss. Will do that now, get in first as it were.

I am very pleased I started that other thread about wanker boss's house now. Serves him right.

OP posts:
diddl · 25/04/2015 16:08

All else aside, surely 3 people won't be going to represent the company?

I think that you should request to go & someone who knows how to "man the office" will have to stay behind.

It must have been so tempting to walk out so that the idiot had to contact someone else to lock the safe and office!

paxtecum · 25/04/2015 16:13

Give us a link to wanker boss's house thread.

Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 16:14

Big boss will go because he genuinely liked the deceased, the other two will go because they go to every funeral possible. They like to be 'seen' at these things.

I work in a marina, and lots of our customers are fairly wealthy, which attracts wanker boss like a moth to a flame.

OP posts:
Original poster
CatthiefKeith · 25/04/2015 16:15

paxtecum I had the link deleted because ironically I thought it might get me sacked. I will pm it to you though. Wink

OP posts:
diddl · 25/04/2015 16:18

If the big boss will go, as a friend & to represent to company, & you go as a friend, can't he tell the others not to go-if they are needed at work?

Oldraver · 25/04/2015 16:19

OP you sound very upset, I think you need to go home right now

firesafety · 25/04/2015 16:19

Calling your boss a deluded arrogant arsehole is never a wise move, but I did have a little chuckle to myself when he shouted back 'If I knew how to lock this office and the safe up I would send you home right now!'

I'm sorry about the circumstances, but this made me spray tea all over the ipad...

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