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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a sign from a deceased loved one?

32 replies

MrsTedCrilly · 25/04/2015 10:03

Hello everyone. This will probably sound like I'm a fruitcake but please humour me! I lost my dad to lung cancer 6 weeks ago, which still feels so strange to say. I'm only 30 and was very close to him, he was a great dad. I don't believe in an afterlife and feel like when we die then that's it, we are flesh and blood and we just end.. I'm okay with these thoughts but I keep getting little signs of him and feel like I'm going a bit mad as I can't find a logical explanation for them!

The main thing is.. I have put together all his photographs in a folder on my phone so they are easy to access, and I was looking through them yesterday and noticed on many of them that his mouth/teeth/lips have turned blue (I know, I know...) these are all from the last few years. They were definitely not like that before, they have all been uploaded to facebook previously and those ones are fine. It's only on his pictures too.. I'm on some of these and my teeth/lips are normal. It's quite vivid and strange.. The photos aren't corrupted or anything, they have just been on my iphone. I was googling it and couldn't find anything to explain it, but did come across the fact that blue lips can be a sign of lung cancer. So now I'm thinking he's trying to tell me he had it for years (he was only ill with it for 3 months before dying).

Another thing is that he was looking after my cat while we lived abroad. She hadn't eaten proper cat food (so wet food and biscuits) for a year before he passed, she would only eat treats. It was a constant struggle between them as he desperately wanted her to have proper meals as she's so small, but she just wouldn't. And then on the night of his funeral she started hoovering down the other cats bowl and hasn't stopped since! It was as if he'd had a word with her... Or she sensed something was wrong with him long before he got ill and went off her food, and after he died the worry was gone.

So am I being unreasonable to think this is anything more than it is? I'm totally prepared to be told that, like I say I don't really believe.. But I'd be interested to know if any of you have had similar 'signs' too? Make me feel less crazy!

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Grumpyoldblonde · 25/04/2015 10:08

Hello, I am sorry to hear your sad news, I think if you can find comfort in these signs then that is lovely. I am open minded to the possibility of an afterlife and find it hard to believe we just end, as I said open minded.

You may find you "see" your dad a lot, maybe in town you will glimpse someone and think "there's Dad" this is called searching I think and it can also be a comfort.

I have had very vivid dreams of chatting to my dear ones and they do feel like real visits from them, again to be cherished even if just a dream.

It is early days for you, I am sorry for your loss

cozietoesie · 25/04/2015 10:21

5 or 6 months after my father died, I heard him, clear as day, giving me his formerly usual alarm call early one morning although I was already awake - or so I thought. It unsettled me for the rest of the day but I didn't assume that he was somehow still around or trying to reach me - just that I was clearly not as deep-down adjusted to his loss as I had thought and my brain had thrown me a curveball when I wasn't expecting it.

I'm not adamant about these matters but I do believe that seemingly unexplainable events usually have a prosaic explanation. It's just that we don't always know or recognize what that is.

Apart from anything else, ask yourself 'Why on earth would he want to hang around and alter photographs just to tell me that ?' I'm sure he'd probably have laughed his head off at the thought!

Original poster

MrsTedCrilly · 25/04/2015 10:29

Thankyou Grumpyoldblonde I look forward to the dream chatting..

cozietoesie He would absolutely roar at me thinking this! He was a very straight forward bloke so would be telling me to get a grip There is so much we don't know about what our brains can do, what it can visualise.. I'm probably linking coincidences together but the blue mouth thing is so weird.

OP posts:

finnbarrcar · 25/04/2015 10:34

My dad woke me up with his singing for weeks after he died. Still don't believe in afterlife but it was nice my brain comforted me when I needed it.

cozietoesie · 25/04/2015 10:48

Keep on visualising him laughing whenever you feel wobbly then.

And the blue mouth thing? Maybe he did have blue lips for a while (that's something I don't know about) and your iphone is picking up a colour difference there. It's possible. But it doesn't mean that he's come down to tell you about it!

Don't try to always join things up would be my thought - some things really are just happenstance.

DoJo · 25/04/2015 10:49

Even if it is just a trick of the mind, your dad played a huge part in forming that mind, from the physical to influencing the way you think, so if your brain is offering you comfort then there is still a part of him contributing to that. for your loss.

PunkrockerGirl · 25/04/2015 10:50

I have very vivid dreams about my mum and dad even now, 18 and 10 years after they died. It's strangely comforting.

Very sorry to hear about your Dad, OP. Like a pp, I'm very open minded and wouldn't dismiss what you've described at all. However, it's very early days and I think that at this stage, we do tend to latch onto things that aren't really there, I know I certainly did.
Be kind to yourself and go with whatever brings you a sense of comfort

NeedABumChange · 25/04/2015 12:11

Sorry OP I think the blue thing will be similar to the blue/gold dress illusion. They look normal on Facebook on PC but your phone is just picking up on different colours.

RudeBarbandCustard · 25/04/2015 12:40

So sorry for what you've been through OP. I too think that the brain looks for things to comfort us, which is nice, take comfort wherever you can find it.

As for the cat - it's quite possible that the cat did pick up on your Dad's illness and therefore wasn't herself. There are lots of stories of animals behaving like this, I think they've even trained some dogs to detect skin cancer in people, because dogs can actually smelll it. So who knows, maybe the cat was sensing something, and like you said, has gone back to normal now that it's over.

Take comfort in the fact that your Dad would be delighted that the cat is back to eating normally. And take care of yourself.

QuickQuickSloe · 25/04/2015 12:44

My wedding ring vanished for a week after my husband was horrible to me. It took him a week to climb down off his high horse and address his twattishness. My ring reappeared the same day. I like to think my mum took it, she would have been furious at his antics that day!

headlesslambrini · 25/04/2015 12:59

We got postcard from my Granddad the day before his funeral. That was really comforting as the first line said 'I'm having a lovely time here'. He had sent the post card to my Auntie about 10-12 years before when he had gone on a coachtrip to Scotland. The postcard had been sent to my Aunt's old address - she moved into a retirement appartment about a month or so before he died and her post had been dropped off into the estate agent who had called her to go collect it.

Thing is though that if anyone was going to send a postcard from beyond the grave then it would have been him!

crazynanna · 25/04/2015 13:18

So sorry for your loss OP

We seem to be in a similar timezone. My mum passed away 5 weeks and 5 hours and 4 minutes ago < but no I am not counting
From lung bastard cancer
She was 68

3 weeks later... Her and her husbands beloved dog also died I'm her husbands arms

2 weeks ago...I found a lump in my breast ( check up on Tuesday)

I am not sure if mum is involved in all of this. I just think we are all having a bit if a shitty time. Just wish it would pass.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 25/04/2015 13:20

Oh love
No it's not your dad but I can see why you would want to believe it. I'm very sorry about your lovely dad.

Musicaltheatremum · 25/04/2015 14:17

Sorry for your loss OP. When my husband died 3 years ago the Hoover broke on the day of the funeral, the curtain track came down shortly after in our bedroom and something that had been missing for weeks turned up in the place where is should have been. I do blame him. I just wish he would come back and do the ironing like he did before he died. Oh and empty the dishwasher

cozietoesie · 25/04/2015 14:17

Good luck for Tuesday, crazynanna, and I'm sorry for your hard times - and other posters' hard times as well.

(Apologies for the hijack, OP.)

LaChatte · 25/04/2015 14:46

I'm an atheist.
DS's DDad died very suddenly just before Xmas. I had to drive for an hour to ID his body. On the drive there I saw over 50 diversion signs that aren't usually there (it's a road I have taken many times before), I sort of noticed them any thought it was unusual, but then dismissed it. The following day I had to make the same trip again and every single sign had gone (I checked, there weren't any events happening that week).
For the following week, every single morning the sky was ablaze with the most impressive sun rises I have ever seen in my life, really exceptionally stunning. The sort of thing DS's dad would have loved.
I still don't know what to make of it. It would certainly be a literal interpretation of sending a sign

DartmoorDoughnut · 25/04/2015 14:52

I got goosebumps reading your post OP ((hugs))

TidyDancer · 25/04/2015 15:19

OP, the important thing is that you believe it is your dad. No one, including those on this thread, have any right whatsoever to tell you it isn't your dad. It's lovely that you're feeling his presence, and I am very sorry for your loss.

lessthanBeau · 25/04/2015 17:51

I lost my dear brother only four weeks ago, he was 47 and the hero of our lives, when he was confined to bed before he died I searched for a song I knew he loved so I could play him it, but couldn't think of it, his gf didn't know and dB couldn't tell me. a week or so after he'd passed, I was looking for an empty CD box for the CDs my dp had just made to play at the funeral, the first CD case I pulled out of the rack had the track I'd been searching for on it, unfortunately I had to tell him it was too late I was already walking out the door to take the ones we'd made to the director s. I looked it up these things are called synchronicitys. it made me smile and I'll take that comfort anytime...

maliaki · 25/04/2015 18:01

Sorry for your loss OP. I think whatever you want to believe is the right thing to believe.

SnowyPiglet · 26/04/2015 10:36

I'm very open to these kind of things - who knows what happens to us when we die?
I have heard that if a butterfly lands on you, it is the spirit of a loved one (or something along those lines).
After my lovely Mum died, she was cremated, and we buried her ashes in a very special place (unfortunately a long way away from where I live).
The next time I went to that place, an absolutely beautiful butterfly came straight over to me and landed on me, and stayed for ages. I was in floods of tears, but very, very relieved that my Mother was with me.
May well be a coincidence, but it was a wonderful experience and comfort for me.

Alpinecrunch · 26/04/2015 10:50

Snowy that was a lovely post. A few years ago I was really struggling emotionally and I think I may have been on the verge of a breakdown. One night I had the most vivid dream that my lovely granny was sitting at a dressing table, I walked over to her not quite believing it was her and she cuddled me the way she used to when she was alive and I took a lot of comfort in it. I'm not sure I believe in the afterlife but who knows, maybe these events are from a 'higher power'. There's no harm in believing.

ThatBloodyWoman · 26/04/2015 10:56

I'm sorry about your dad.
I can't say what,but something very unusual happened not long after he died,to me and my family,and I quite simply know it was to do with my dad checking up on us and saying he was ok.
I don't understand it,I have no beliefs -but I don't need to understand it,simply to accept it and be grateful for it.

Original poster

MrsTedCrilly · 27/04/2015 19:37

crazynanna I think we are having parallel experiences, my dad was 68 too!
Thankyou so much for your comforting words everyone, your stories have made me smile. I'm so sorry for all your losses Funny how strangers on the internet can make a difference.
Snowypiglet That gave me goosebumps, so beautiful..

OP posts:

Laura0806 · 28/04/2015 10:01

sorry for your loss. I do believe in the afterlife and also feel that I have had signs that a loved one is around. I too can't explain it but i would accept it and be happy-what is the line from that poem?-something about not having gone just having gone into another room

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